I am a born and raised American-Muslim whose family is from Pakistan. Every since my parents moved from Pakistan around twenty-five years ago, they have tried to keep the ‘Pakistani culture’ and religion in our lives, so we are pretty religious. Such as, our parents don’t expect us to talk to guys too much and keep our dupattas on our head, etc. However, overall I would consider the generation that was born in America well-rounded. We, as cousins get along and talk fine with one another and are well-assimilated into society while still staying within our religious boundaries.
Okay so the weird situation started when some of our ‘male’ cousins from Pakistan arrived around ten years ago. They were in their teens and did everything to assimilate into the culture here. They got jobs, dressed like everybody else, mingled with all of the “ABCD’s” perfectly fine. However, they never communicated with us, the female cousins. They communicated with every other female you could think of, except us. I kind of understood why I guess they wouldn’t want to because we were more of the conservative, religious type and they didn’t want our parents to feel weird. Even though, we communicated with other male cousins, these specific cousins never wanted anything to do with us. People we have known since childhood and strangers communicate with them more than we do. Honestly, I never really cared because it’s their choice if they want to talk to us or not.
But over the years it has become awkward. People will come and ask us questions like, “oh, you guys don’t get along with so and so do you?” I still really didn’t care, because people will talk and ask questions about anything and everything. However something that is really starting to piss me off is that whenever some other westernized desi comes and communicates with us, they will totally jump into the conversation and act like they are cool with us…and after the person is gone they return to their old selves! I mean I really don’t get it, what is up with their behavior? Going to normal functions are becoming so awkward, it’s just that they ignore us even if we tell them to pass a spoon or something but in other situations when we talk with others they act all cool…….is it just me? Am I thinking about this way too much and should I continue to ignore it like I have previously??
Re: Confused
un ki amma ney samjha key bhaija tha, 'baita in sey ziada free nahi hona'
really? you think so? their mom is a doll though??
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It seems like they might actually be initimidated by your "ABCD-ness" and ignore you to make themselves feel like "hum bhi kuch hein".
Be nice to their mom and blatantly ignore them now. Tit for tat.
I have a cousin who did this to me for years...I had done nothing to her but she would snub me, ignore me and even went so far as to say to people sometimes that we werent really related. No one is dying to be related to her - trust me - but its just out right rude to do that.
Now, I pretend as if she is vapor and that seems to work out just fine. I walk right past her without so much as even nodding in her direction. I cannot be bothered with people like that and their illusions of themselves.
Re: Confused
As you have already described them as ABCD, and C there representing Confused, anything can be expected. If you are not troubled by what people say or them not communicating with you, there's no need for you to think about it anymore.
...so we are pretty religious. Such as, our parents don’t expect us to talk to guys too much and keep our dupattas on our head, etc.
I kind of understood why I guess they wouldn’t want to because we were more of the conservative, religious type and they didn’t want our parents to feel weird.
i think that pretty much explains it. if there is no other family history or issues then they probably just don't feel comfy talking to you because they don't want to offend your parents or you in any way. if your parents do not like you talking to guys too much, then they are pretty much respecting your parents wishes and your family's rules. i don't get the abcd connection to the situation though.
Re: Confused
why does it bother you? Both parties have different lifestyles. Sometimes it is hard to know what the boundries are. Perhaps they dont want to make the effort. Are you making the effort too?
Let it be.
Thanks for all of your advice, its really eye-opening to see other people's perspectives....i guess i will just ignore them whenever i see them that seems to be the consensus here
Re: Confused
Maybe they feel intimidated around you? Are you guys really religious? Maybe they don't talk to you because of that?
We are religious but i really don't see that as a problem cause why would they communicate with us at all then? especially in front of others....i mainly see this as a problem because they aren't civil at times..for example i ask for a spoon or something because there is no way i can reach it but they will bluntly ignore and turn around or look at me like i am crazy...it puts me in an awkward situation
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Ignore them, seriously.
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yes, ignore them.
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What if there ignoring you cause they "like" you?? lol And when they see you talking with other guys...they get jealous and that's why they start opening up in that circumstance ;)
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I don't get this spoon situation. They just ignore you and look at you as if you are crazy? Btw when you say they how many of them are there? Are they all brothers?
What if there ignoring you cause they "like" you?? lol And when they see you talking with other guys...they get jealous and that's why they start opening up in that circumstance ;)
honestly i highly doubt it...unless keeping a girl on the side while they "like" me is their thing
I don't get this spoon situation. They just ignore you and look at you as if you are crazy? Btw when you say they how many of them are there? Are they all brothers?
I really don't get it either ..... we were in a family gathering with around thirty people crammed into one house, its my house so i was helping guests get settled in, one aunt asked me for a spoon, all of the guys were pouring food so i couldn't reach over the guys for the spoon, so i asked the cousin for a spoon, he just stood there stared at me like i was crazy and turned around and completely ignored me! wtf was that? i just stood there stunned, what am i suppose to do in these situations
they=brothers, sadly there are two of them
i would have but all of the uncles were right there…i can just imagine what their expressions would have been if i had done that 