Re: Confused
1. Well brother my fiance has requested to me that i teach her about islam,which im happy 2 do so.
Hmm..Kindly forget about teaching Islam at least for 2 months. First try to develop a friendship with her, but not at the cost of doing anything against your beliefs.
Just try to know common interests and be polite with her even if she is rude. Just consistantly try to come close to her, but with wisdom, not in a way that she might think that you are after her for some unknown reasons.
If she asks you to do anything against your beliefs, say sorry politely and humbly and tell her that your beliefs doesnt allow you to do anything like that.
2. I have hardly any interaction with her wenever i have tried 2 speak with her there never seems to be an appropriate time. And i most certainly dont wanna come across to her that im there 2 just judge her from her actions.Im not that kinda person.
Try to find out common spare time with her, even if you had to sacrifice any of your time for her. Ask her to go out with you for shopping or to whichever place she likes to go with you.
Offer her an ice cream or anything she wants to eat and initiate to pay the money. Forget about sharing beliefs for at least two months and let her judge your personality after her interaction with you.
Try to share common interests, like favourite book, writer, poetry, clothes, shoes, hobbies.....etc. Why am I saying all this ?? because there is not effect of any sharing of beliefs unless you dont have a good place in anyone's heart. And for that one needs to give alot of sacrifices for the sake of Allah.
As I mentioned above sacrifice of time, money, showing patience and sincerity from heart and soul. This mission is not that easy, but its reward is great in front of Allah (we humans can't even imagine)
3.She has not met my family yet, but in front of my fiance and his other brother she does not dress appropriate and this was whilst she was staying in pak.
Just request your fiance and his other brother (politely and humbly), to kindly keep their gaze low, as this is ordered very clearly to a muslim man in *Surah Noor (Ayat number 30). *
Just don't say ANYTHING to the women, only for a month or so, because she is not yet clearly aware of the truth. Use "Hikmat" in your dealing with her. You and your closest friend can do a kind of acting and exchange dialogue in front of her.
For example. When that women is around your sister/friend might ask you, " Can I wear my sari or other dress in that function " And you can reply " Please don't wear it as you know those dresses are revealing and people consider it very bad to wear them " Try to be natural, honest and sincere so that it might not sound that you are actually making fun of the other women.
4. She has not tried to give me ny advice or nything at such she is not even interested in speaking to me. But if she were to give me ny advice im open to any kind of critisism good or bad.
Ok, go to her and ask her for an advice related to any thing like health, fitness, how to deal with stress or anything else. Be a good listener. Ask about her past in her country. Show her that you are really interest to know about her.
Even if you have to ask infront of people, do it!. Let her give you her advice even if it is in the form of criticizm. Never feel insulted even if she is trying to insult you, as you are trying to develop a bond with her for the love of Allah. And believe me it requires alot of sacrifices of ego and dignity.
Just remember that your dignity would be raised infront of Allah (which matters the most) This would inshAllah give you alot of patience. Also pray to Allah for strength and patience as it is not a very easy task
5. Yes i want to guide her as i sincerely care 4 her.For what reason my fiance compares me to her i have no idea but she can do no wrong in their eyes. Mayb they just cant get over the fact that they have a gori in there family which i dont c as being as a big deal.But 4 them a gori coming 2 pak and marrying there i guess is a big deal 4 them.
All that attraction is temporary. After few months or so, she would be like a normal family member to them. Don't be disturbed by the comments of your fiance, just concentrate in developing your character which would automatically put a good reputation of you in the hearts of your family. Remember the Quranic verse. Wa tuizzu mantashahu wa tu zillu mantash. Respect and disrespect is in the power of Allah.
Just work very hard. Do all kinds of jobs in the house. Make your whole family dependent on you in every way. Don't hesitate to take extra burden on yourself. Wash others clothes if you have time. Just think of what good you can give to each member of your family and how you can make their life comfortable in every possible way, to your best ability.
Forget about expecting anything good from anyone. Give minor gifts to the youngers ones. Respect and serve the elder one and always be ready to help anyone who need any kind of help.
Don't get upset even if they don't appreciate your efforts. They would HAVE to appreciate and miss you when after a 6 months or so you are away from them even for a couple of day, due to any reason.
**6. **From my daily practice i dont feel like im religious i mean i do my salaah etc. But i dont see that as being religious i mean wat is termed religious now a days nyway. I have no idea what she thinks of me or how she feels about me, perhaps she is just enjoying the attention that she is getting at the moment as she is the only female in the household,mayb she feels threatened by me as then she wont be the only female really i have no clue as to wat it could be.
Remember. Just keep your heart clean from anything bad only for the love of Allah. Be sincere with everyone. Be positive and deal with her like you know how our Prophet (Saw) delt with even his worst enemies.
Be polite and gentle. Offer namaz regularly. Offer help whenever she needs help. NEVER ask her of any help. Never be dependent on her in anyway , (except the advice part I told you, which is to bring her closer to you. If you think she is too proud, than you might only request her to share her past instead of asking an advice).
Give her full respect and importance, and do your job to your level best. Never sit idle or do anything useless, always do something that is useful to you or any single member of your family in anyway.
YOu see the respect she is getting is very temporary, it would fade away with time. BUT the respect which you earn NEVER fades away, it is always alive in the hearts of people, but it need ALOT of patience, dedication, strong will, sincerity for the love of Allah, positive thinking, hard working and passion.
Sorry sister for a very long post, but I tried to keep it as short as I can. In the end I would like to say, that if your follow the life, sunnah and teachings of the Prophet (saw) and develop a strong relation with Allah, the whole family would be in your control. BUT your intentions should always be happiness of ALLAH (swt) NOT geting respect or power.
I sincerely hope best of luck for you and kindly forgive me if you don't find useful anything I said here. I just tried my level best with my limited knowledge.
Allah knows BEST!
MAy Allah bless you and your family with all the blessings of this life and hereafter.
and for what bloody reason I have no idea, to me she seems like is the token gori, especially in pak these ppl behave like they have never seen one. They are obsessed by her.
