so this is about a nice girl from my office who is undecissive about marriage proposals she’s received.
she has recently got 2 proposals and now has to choose any one.
she is 31 years old major criteria she has always got for her husband was good family, earns well and highly qualified, and near to her age.
now both the proposals are from very good respectable families. all the required checks are done by her parents for both families and both the guys and they are satisfied with both. the issue is that given the profiles of both the guys in question, there are some points where she has to make compromise either one she chooses.
so need your advice , opinions which one of the two looks most suitable and practical. also the married ones can tell what could be the pros and cons of each proposal.
Proposal A:
Age: 35 years ( so the age difference would be 4 years)
Qualification: Masters in Arts
Job: government sector, earns average
Future prospects career wise: jobs are usually secure in government sector in Pakistan but the annual increments are too less and promotion to higher grade takes so long.
Personality: Ok
Proposal B:
Age: 40 years ( so the age difference would be 9 years)
Qualification: MS in computer science
Job: Multinational company, earns double as Proposal A
Future prospects career wise: bright as works in IT sector which is growing in Pakistan.
Personality: Ok
Now she is confused between the two things, if she selects proposal A who is closer to her age then she would have to let go off better income,lifestyle,future prospects that proposal B can provide.
and if she selects proposal B, then the age difference would be high.
So please advice which one seems more appropriate.
For me, age difference is not a big deal in above cases. If ur colleague wants to work day n night and suffer for her every need then A is choice but for better perspective of life, she should go for B. Also she must perform istakhara first for both proposals.
Isn't she missing the most important part though? Whose personality clicks with her more? Income and age are not as important as compatibility. Is she equally compatible with both? There has to be one guy she liked more or felt more comfortable/compatible with, no? If not, maybe she should talk a little with both guys to get an idea of their personal values and beliefs and how compatible they are with hers. That is what I would base my decision on. Not the age or the income.
Isn't she missing the most important part though? Whose personality clicks with her more? Income and age are not as important as compatibility. Is she equally compatible with both? There has to be one guy she liked more or felt more comfortable/compatible with, no? If not, maybe she should talk a little with both guys to get an idea of their personal values and beliefs and how compatible they are with hers. That is what I would base my decision on. Not the age or the income.
as of now she can not ascertain which guy is more compatible. she didn't know any of the guy till they came in at the time of proposal. she only had a little interaction with both the guys in at her place when they came in and that interaction merely was a general one like what do you do in your spare time, what current projects you are working at your work etc so she cant really judge more about their personalities from one little general interaction.
Is this the first marriage of the guy who is 40. Is'nt it a little late for getting married if he is getting married for the first time.
There are a lot of other factors that need to be thought, considering the age of these guys.
Agree with storm above. In addition..i would like to suggest you..as to whose character whom you are pleased with most?. Dont go for money yo..ya it is impotant to consider such..but at the same time you need to make sure ya are making rational decision..
she only had a little interaction with both the guys in at her place when they came in and that interaction merely was a general one like what do you do in your spare time, what current projects you are working at your work etc so she cant really judge more about their personalities from one little general interaction.
I agree with the others that personality and common future goals are VERY important. Just b/c that guy is 40....that doesn't mean that they won't "click" and just b/c the other one is 35 means that they'll "click".
Given the importance of this decicion......why can't she share her concerns with her parents (ie. she's not sure which guy to pick) and request that she have a chance to talk to them once more time. If a face-to-face meeting is not possible for whatever reason....at least talk to them on the phone and find out the what each guy expects from his wife.
It seems like her only issue is the age difference..... the older a person gets, the less the age difference matters...at age 31, it doesn't matter as mch as... say... 21/30.
she really should get a feel of who she seems compatible with.
She is 31, she should be confident enough to meet both of them and know them as well as let them know her. Both parties (your friend and those guys) should know what they are getting into and make final decision.
^ Its inappropriate to say that.Lets just wish her the best of luck.One cannot understand what is she going through, In our society things keep on getting difficult as a girl crosses 25.
thanks for the responses all of you.
the advice to talk to both the guys to get to know a lil more about them sounds good and i passed it on to her. her own family is not against this but they are apprehensive that this idea would not be liked by the guys families and they might take it negatively specially when such request is not made by either of the guy so they might view the girl as too fast and all. even today there are numerous families in Pakistan who although quite educated still dont approve of girls wanting to know the guys better before saying ye to a proposal.
I would say go with the Computer Science guy if all else is equal. Also check to see which family's values and ideals match the girls' family values and life style more.
