I’ll start straight off by saying I’m confused about my identity, Nationality wise I’m British, born and bred, by ethnicity wise I’m Pakistani. Now I know the simple answer is ‘okay so you’re a British Pakistani’, but it’s deeper then that. I once tried to be a Brit over pakistani, used to tell me self I’d protect the queen ladee ladee la, all that stuff, but looking at numerous things, it made me think people will always see me as a Brown Pakistani first off. Then I tried getting into Pakistan more, thinking I’ve made an idiot of myself trying to forget my roots, that didn’t turn out well either, I disliked Pakistan because off the country huge amounts of problem so didn’t want to adapt any sort of connection to it. Second of all when I did, my aunty told me that some people back in Pakistan wouldn’t see me as a true Pakistani, and to be honest neither would I, I’d say I’m quiet liberal and less religious etc, I can’t speak Punjabi properly and have average ear for it, but urdu etc, cannot speak at all, it’s making me think, where do I lie my loyalties down to, in a case for example if there ever was a world war, do I go back to pakistan or stay and help britain?
Re: Confused about my identity, does anyone else feel like this?
I think a person owes more to a country they were born and brought up in rather than the one of their parents. It fed you, educated you, and is a part of you. I don’t think you need to be one or the other. You can be both. Have a love for your origins, a love for the place of your ancestors but know that your place is where your heart is. Brown people unfortunately do face that element of otherness but eff the people who think so. In the case of a war you would first protect your friends, family, your neighbourhood, your city. So which place is that? The answer will tell you where your loyalty lies.
Re: Confused about my identity, does anyone else feel like this?
Its perfectly normal to feel the way you do, and I think (most) anyone who is born and bred outside of Pakistan has felt the way you do.
There are many good aspects about the western european culture (live and let live perhaps being the primary one), but also the pakistani culture has many positive aspects. I try to adapt them both. And I try to shun negative aspects of both cultures. Obviously easier said than done.
I have to admit, if 90 is your birth year, then I am over a decade older than you. And I did not quite have the same confusion as you, as I can speak both punjabi and urdu fluently. But I can never be a true Pakistani, just like I can never be a true European.
And this is a fact I just have to concede, and live with. No matter where I go, I will always be an “outsider”. At the end just make the best out of the permises life throws at you.
I probably did not help you much, and I’m sure there are far more eloquent orators here, who will address the issue more eloquently.
Re: Confused about my identity, does anyone else feel like this?
Both. But Ethnic identity does matter.
Re: Confused about my identity, does anyone else feel like this?
Britain is an old world European country, you can only be English if that is what you are etnically, but you’re ethnically a Punjabi originally from Pakistan, so that’s what you are -you just happen to be one of the many British-Pakistanis who are culturally British influenced.
Britain isn’t a new world immigrant country unlike America or Canada where you can assimilate into the melting pot and adopt that identity -Europe is for Europeans, unless you’re racially European there’s no other way to be it no matter how long you live there.
Re: Confused about my identity, does anyone else feel like this?
You can just consider yourself a Diaspora Pakistani, there are many Pakistanis who were raised outside Pakistan(such as myself) and don’t follow the culture, you’re not an isolated case.
Re: Confused about my identity, does anyone else feel like this?
Sorry thats sad
British born confused desi!
Re: Confused about my identity, does anyone else feel like this?
There is very little chance you would go back to pak. So find a girl like your self … made kids like your self… 
Some where down the road you will find your answers…
ok…or
You starting off the wrong foot here. Your identity is a person, who lives in a society. Who need to fulfill his duties.
That is pretty big job, doing your life right.. treating your family right… treating your society right..
Now that is real life.
On the other hand you can let all of it go… and become one of those who sit in bar and talk about where he is from.. this a and that.. like a story teller…
Re: Confused about my identity, does anyone else feel like this?
This :k:
You say you would protect the Queen. Most people I know (Caucasian) included wouldn’t.
I’m curious why you think protecting the Queen will make you more British.?
Where in the UK are you?
Why not enjoy being both? Why do you feel you have to choose?
Re: Confused about my identity, does anyone else feel like this?
Well said.
Re: Confused about my identity, does anyone else feel like this?
Just be a good person. Adopt the good from both cultures. And never too late to learn some Urdu. Big deal if you don’t know it, but if you want to know it, then learn it like you’d learn any other language.
Wonder what this identity crisis is going to be like for our offspring? The offspring of ABCD’s and the British/Canadian/Aussie equivalents?
Re: Confused about my identity, does anyone else feel like this?
The world is your community. Not just one country or one district. Feel at home everywhere and accept that we humans are all one race at the end of the day.
Re: Confused about my identity, does anyone else feel like this?
I agree. Good advice.
Re: Confused about my identity, does anyone else feel like this?
Embrace the best of both. One doesn’t need a label to be defined.
Re: Confused about my identity, does anyone else feel like this?
In this era of massive online sagas,one need not feel identity crisis.
Re: Confused about my identity, does anyone else feel like this?
Being born at the intersection of a certain nationality, race, ethnicity, religion should not be enough to define anyone. The less anyone feels the need to belong, the wider the horizons.
Re: Confused about my identity, does anyone else feel like this?
Reminds me of Sir Naipaul, A trinidad based ethnic Indian living in Britain, most of his life
“In England I am not English, in India I am not Indian. I am chained to the 1,000 square miles that is Trinidad; but I will evade that fate yet.”