Re: Conflicted: desire to please vs living your own life
Now that I think about it I’ve never had a mixed gender friends’ get together at anyone’s homes. We all eat out but if it’s just female friends then I do stuff at home and the guys do the same. It’s not even done conciously lol! It’s not even that respective parents don’t know who their kids are hanging out with but it still hasn’t occurred to us to break down that barrier.
You guys are married and you can hang out with whomever you want.. When you get your own place. Meanwhile hangout at other people’s places or eat out. A good time is dependent on good companions and not the location.
Re: Conflicted: desire to please vs living your own life
Yeah we could go out or go over to their place. I wasn’t planning to invite them to my in laws house. The tricky thing would be to try to enforce strict gender segregation at a restaurant or tell them to serve us dinner in separate rooms in their homes (especially where they have small apartments for example) Like people have said for non Muslims it would be totally bizarre and even for the muslim people we know (who know that we are both working people). In some circles this would probably be fine but we (and our friends) are not super religious people.
i know segregation sometimes automatically happens. I have no issue with that. The girls will probably spend a lot of time talking about girly things and the guys will have their sports convos etc. I just find enforcing segregation awkward and unecessary. If we want to sit together and have dinner why not?
Re: Conflicted: desire to please vs living your own life
Segregation naturally happens in a lot of desi family gatherings but from what I’ve seen there’s still the mingling when people arrive, leave and some crossover when they eat.. it’s not “enforced” and people don’t mind if the odd uncle or auntie comes in for a bit of a nosey lol
The “bizarre” thing is about mingling with the opposite gender all day at work or uni but then saying segregation must be enforced for dawats.. Like OP said it doesn’t really make sense..
I’d do what I feel comfortable with and just not tell inlaws (though not lie if they specifically ask.. If they have a problem with it just leave them be.. as adults we make our own decisions)..
Re: Conflicted: desire to please vs living your own life
You and your husband can sit with whoever you want when you are outside your in-laws house. You are both adults and do not need to follow “rules” if you don’t believe in them. Just stop sharing this information with your in-laws. Understand and accept that your in-laws have their own set of beliefs which will not change. Thus in order to live in their house in peace, whatever you/hubby do outside the home…leave that outside.