i am concerned about a cousin(close to me). he is in his twenties and is studying in college. the problem is that the person is not ambitious at all. he has never shown interest in his studies and despite frequent fights and insults from his family (which they also do publicly in front of other families) the person still has not shown much improvement. From his family’s view, he comes across as a very LAZY kid. according to them he literally watches tv and plays video games ALL day (without getting up to even eat). His mom frequently complains that she will ask him to do something but he will instead watch tv all day and delegate tasks to a later time(same with his studies) so that he usually cant get things done. he is also very careless…He usually visits us and leaves his credit cards, license, money at our house.also keeps on losing things now and then…
he has always been a close person to me. more closer to me than his own sisters who were way too old for him. he was the youngest child and i basically feel his mom kinda spoiled him and now she regrets…Its funny that although she says nasty things to him like “you are a mental patient, lazy ass etc etc” she also caters to his demands.
so anyways she asked me to speak to him and encourage him to get a job. i have been trying to do so for a while. his parents need the support especially since he is old enough now. but he starts working somewhere and after a few weeks either quits (fights with other workers) or gets fired (fights, did not do work right, lazy)…this is starting to concern both his family and me…
my mom also is close to him (she raised him when he was young and his parents were having a difficult time…) so one day she spoke to him about learning to be more responsible and that day he broke down. I was not there but my mom told me he was crying and said that he does not like the WAY HE LOOKS!!! he has acne on his face, and his face is kinda scarred. Although he is very very good looking otherwise…he feels that the whole world is judging him based on his acne and scars. he said he doesnt feel like going anywhere outside because he feels people will stare at him and say that he is ugly. I was heartbroken when i heard this. I knew he was sensitive about this but never realized the degree to which it affected his life. Every time i see the kid i try to tell him how good he looks or how much cleaner his skin looks (which it does since he takes care) …
anyways…lately he seems to be going deeper into his shell…although he looks better than ever before, he talks less and less…shares even less about himself. i feel like he has given up. I want to talk to him about it but dont know how to approach him without embarassing him. His mom thinks he needs
psychotherapy…i dunno if he does since i dont live with him but neither of us will ever say it to his face. It still hurts to see a loved one waste precious years of his life away like that. to add to that…he also does not have any friends/girlfriends.