This is somewhat related to my other thread, but with a different twist.
Lets say the family of a guy knows that the guy has some sort of health problem, whether it be depression, organ problem that requires medication or may require it in future, etc. Now, should it be revealed to the girls side that is considering this guy for marriage?
A few years ago a friend of mine told me how he married and found out about a month after marriage that his wife had a debilitating illness. He was very distraught, but decided to continue in the mariage. After a year, he couldnt take it anymore and they divorced. According to him, his ex-wife didnt take good care of her own health and expected her hubby to take care of that part. He felt betrayed that the family didnt let his family know about this. He said had he known how debilitating the illness would have progressed to, he would not have married the girl.
Another situation is where a close friend of mine had an arranged marriage with a girl suffering from depression. The entire family knew about this but didnt tell the guys family. The guy is generally happy about everything and says its kismet that he married his wife, but he would have appreciated the family letting him know she suffered from this, because now the wife refuses to get treatment, and denies to him that she has a problem that needs to be dealt with.
So my question is, does the other party deserve to know of health issues within the family? Or is this supposed to be hush hush and one just has to accept that health problems may exist and accept the person for who they are? Thanks.
Learn to love yourself, then learn to love one-another
If its a health issue which may impact the couple in later life, I'd say absolutely.
Just a few days ago, a dearest friend of mine had to divorce his wife after less than an year of marriage, because she had a severe medical problem since childhood, which they never told him before marriage. The problem was not curable and quite possible she could never become a mother.
Ofcourse, its a difficult decision for all parties, but its best to be honest about these things, rather then leaving it all in the hands of Allah and hoping it never comes out. It ALWAYS comes out, and the loss of trust at that stage can be quite devastating.
This SHOULD happen. Things should be discussed out in the open.
Why do people do this? A lot of people take teh idea of marriage as a fardh so literally taht hey feel that if they don't get their children married they will go ti hell.
And especially where it's a question of mental illness, the families tend to think "If he/she get's married then everything will be alright, so we won't say anything or he/she will never have the chance to get better."
I think it's extremely irresponsible not to put others in the picture - the consequences can be far reaching, such as a baby who is born but that the mother or father cannot look after.
One of the biggest problems in our society (generally India and pakistan) is they tend to dismiss many illnesses as trivial. They would say, "Shaadi ke baad sab kuch theek hojaayegaa" and proceed with the marriage. Hiding the facts are not just limited to Physical and Mental illnesses, but also things such as previous drug history, Alcoholics and other problems.
It is absolutely essential that both families know the details or atleast the other partner knows about the history. That would save a lot of trouble later.
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Just a few days ago, a dearest friend of mine had to divorce his wife after less than an year of marriage, because she had a severe medical problem since childhood, which they never told him before marriage. The problem was not curable and quite possible she could never become a mother.
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What do you mean, had to divorce his wife? It's his wife, not a broken toaster. How can you just discard a wife after almost a year of marriage especially when you find out she is not well? I'm repulsed by this pervasive mindset amongst most desi men that "if the goods aren't up to par, mummy will find us another." Whatever happened to adoption and is this mumbo-jumbo about "aapna khoon" really all that necessary?
If you are going to have an arranged marriage, you should accept your partner no matter what. Munni, I think your friend is a coward and Pristine, I think your friend is an even bigger one. They got themselves into the mess so they should take whatever comes along with the package. And it's oh-so easy for the guy to just get out of the marriage and leave the girls hanging.
Honesty is always the best policy.
Unfortunately the nature of the arranged marriage situation in our culture is so complex and fraught with misconceptions that we can never hope to have a completely "honest" negotiation.
So it goes...if you opt for this type of marriage expect that there will be somethings that will either be kept from you or will fall through the cracks of communication. This is a risk you agree to accept. And when these skeletons appear in dark closets, you need to be able to face them in a mature manner, that is, with the same responsibility, conviction and commitment that you agreed to when you married the person.
The alternative you ask? Don't enter into an arranged marriage.
I have an equal loathing for people that are less than completely honest in the initial stages of negotiation and for people that decide divorce is the solution in cases where there are illnesses involved.