I have noticed that alot of people do compromise on their beliefs to some extent to maintain a good relationship with their spouse/fiance. I came to know of some women removing hijab and dressing in more open way just because their husbands like them in that way. Those women always were pure from heart and never intended to attract any other man but couldn’t resist the pressure of their husbands. Similarly some husbands also take few steps in their life against their beliefs and think it is alright just because they are doing it to maintain good relationship with their spouse and preventing a divorce, which might also effect the lives of their children.
To what extent would you give up your good habbits / beliefs for your love if apparantly it seems that there is no other way of saving your marriage from divorce ?
Re: Compromising Your Beliefs/habbits For Your Love
It’s complex. He was from a very “liberal” family that didn’t really practice Islam as well. She on the other hand was very observant except in dress, where she wore very tight fitting “modern” “fashionable” clothes that made her look “liberal”.
Thus when the guys’ family came looking for a wife, they saw the way she looked and made assumptions that because she didn’t dress relgiously then she wasn’t religious at all. Her family were taken in by what the guy did and just assumed that like most muslim families they were at least reasonably practicing.
The marriage broke down very quickly. He got annoyed at how she would take a break from their lives 5 times each day to pray on time and how she would try to encourage him to pray; his family got annoyed at how she kept urging them to stop eating haraam food and only eat what is halal and tried to get them to pray too!
Re: Compromising Your Beliefs/habbits For Your Love
There is an Ayat in the Quraan i currently cannot recall where it says that there is no comprimise in Deen : religion. Anything else, it can be comprimesed and come to some sort of a conclusion but when islam and believef come in to the argument, there is no argument no longer because if deen could be comprimised there would be lots of things we would change, even small things like wiping of the Khuffs : mocassins in wudu, we wipe on the top side but the feet get dirty from the bottom, why do we pray towards the ka'ba, is Allsh there? offcorse No he isnt but we perform namaaz in that direction because it was chosen for us. there are other things we can discuss which logically do not come to ppls understanding but we can not comrimise deen, if it was possible then we wouldnt know what to do and where to go.
And personally i would never do such a thing in forcing my partner in doing or abiding which is agains beliefs and the shariah set by Allah.
Re: Compromising Your Beliefs/habbits For Your Love
I have brain of my own Alhamdolillah. I would like to keep using it after marriage as well. I am not a puppet and he is not a puppet master. I don't believe in making unnecessary sacrifices.
But than again..Husband is said to be "mijazi khuda"...there has to be some logic behind it..and i wouldnt mind changing myself for him. But, there has to be some legitmate reasons behind it.
Re: Compromising Your Beliefs/habbits For Your Love
Part of me says to discount the opinions of those who are not and have never been in any kind of meaningful relationship and merely talking out of their arses on this topic, but then the more pragmatic part of me believes that every one has a right to their opinion and to express it, even if the opinion is second-hand and clearly demonstrates the person needs a few more white hairs on their heads to make the opinion credible. So my dear fellows, when you are dropping words like "love", "divorce" and "give up beliefs" in one sentence, you may want to consider prefixing your sentence with something other than "I know a friend...".
Re: Compromising Your Beliefs/habbits For Your Love
After observing and trying to understand both married and un-married people around me, I have come to the conclusion that after marriage the system mostly doesn't work the way people have "Fancied" before marriage.
Whenever two people from different families come together, there must be a difference of opinion on alot of matters as both would have their own way of thinking depending upon the way they grew up and the environment in which their grooming was done.
In a lot of cases both the members of the couple would think that only they are morally and religiously correct and they would try to "prove their own opinion" from their personal knowledge and understanding of Quran and Hadith. This kind of situation makes everything complicated and it becomes difficult for both of them to come up to a common conclusion.
In such a case both of them needs to show a bit "flexibility" and "diplomacy" ( ofcourse keeping themselves within the boundries marked by their faith) and the intention should "only" be to bring themselves close to each others and not risk their relationship and the future of their children. The key here is to be polite, develop love in the heart for each others for the love of Allah and be practical.
I might be wrong but this is how I honestly feel and sincerely understand.
Re: Compromising Your Beliefs/habbits For Your Love
On the contrary, those who are involved in 'meaningful' (what kind of meaning is in a relationship where both spouses are fighting over such an important aspect of their lives?) are at best biased and prone to an excess of emotion... and so are the least qualified to speak...
Re: Compromising Your Beliefs/habbits For Your Love
i have to say my hubby and i are of different faith,but that just makes things better,because we have combined our faiths together.alot of people put my faith down,but he doesn't.
Re: Compromising Your Beliefs/habbits For Your Love
[QUOTE]
i have to say my hubby and i are of different faith,but that just makes things better,because we have combined our faiths together.alot of people put my faith down,but he doesn't.
[/QUOTE]
Thats because muslim men are told to respect christianity and judaism even though they are technically false religions that have been altered by men. When is your first baby due?
Re: Compromising Your Beliefs/habbits For Your Love
More likely to happen in arranged marriages where both the partners don't really know each other, as sadly happened in MS's cousin case.
In my case my wife knew me before getting married to me. We are well... quite different from each other she is religious but not a zealot. I am way too liberal but do not mock her religious beliefs. We live in perfect harmony because of love we have for each other for 9 years before marriage and now approx. 9 years after. Neither of us is ready to give up or force our believes onto each other. Try! it works wonder. We share our lives with each we don't own each others lives.
Re: Compromising Your Beliefs/habbits For Your Love
I can see that many of you are not willing to compromise your beliefs...thats great I know where you are coming from...Then why do you expect a non-muslim to change their religion to marry a muslim...how difficult would that be for the non-muslim...and why do you expect it to be done willingly?
Re: Compromising Your Beliefs/habbits For Your Love
^ May be it is because a non-muslim partner might have a strong influence on the children and hence on the whole chain of next coming generations.
It is more like a "Gunnah-e-Jaria". (A series of chain reaction of sins rising from one sin, which might even continue after one dies)
p.s. I know everyone should have a right to choose, but there is a great risk involved for the coming generations. Love might be blind in some cases but such risk is not worth taking, if we want benefit in the life hereafter.
p.s. It is my opinion based on what I have learned about Islam. I might be wrong, in that case kindly correct me.
