Re: completely westernised brown/asian people.
no it isnt.
aaze is laughing.
I wanted both to get angry. What a waste of my popcorn. 
Re: completely westernised brown/asian people.
No. want to marry a desi guy who shares my language and culture. Not a coconut.
Re: completely westernised brown/asian people.
No. I think its important that you understand and know about your roots. No matter how “western” you try to be you need to remember that we have a rich history and ancestry which we should not hide or ignore. You need to accept all parts of yourself including the genetic heritage to be happy. Plus being bilingual is pretty useful. Being British but originally Pakistani is a good thing. You get the best of both worlds I think. You’re allowed to have more than one label.
Re: completely westernised brown/asian people.
Lol coconut 
Re: completely westernised brown/asian people.
Confusion is usually not about religion. It is about culture. I find many kids who were born here, don’t speak urdu, but are well-versed in religious matters. Sometimes better than the ones from Pakistan.
Re: completely westernised brown/asian people.
Re: completely westernised brown/asian people.
Disclaimer: I am not “worked up” about this statement. Simply sharing why I think it’s incorrect to label this new generation of desis “confused”.
We are referring to culture here, not religion. The reason people in Pakistan, India etc. speak that language, watch desi movies, eat desi food, wear desi clothes etc. is b/c that is what they’re surrounded by. That’s what ALL their childhood memories consist of and they have a emotional attachment so it. I came to the U.S. as a pre-teen so I can relate to this personally. A major reason why I watch desi movies, speak the langue fluently, love desi clothes etc. is b/c my childhood consisted of all those things. It gives me a sort of comfort.
If someone grew up in the U.S. and was not exposed to those things on a daily basis, I’m not sure why we expect that to be their “culture”. 
Do you think African-Americans are “confused”? No one argues that they have African heritage, but do any of them speak of African language/know traditional foods etc? If a child is born/raised in the U.S., how is it logical for anyone to have this expectation that they will have an automatic emotional attachment/interest in desi culture simply b/c their parents come from that country?
Re: completely westernised brown/asian people.
I actually did marry a guy like this lol. My husband is a coconut (actually, I call him Oreo). 
He parents came to the U.S. in the late 50’s/early 60’s. My husband was born almost 10 years after in-laws arrived in the U.S. so by then, in-laws were settled here and already had my BIL. My husband was born/raised in a small town in Colorado where he lived until 18. No desi people there at all. Literally every-single-person he grew up with was white. His parents, as expected, did experience racism when they initially moved there and they did not want my husband/his brother to be singled-out, so at that time, in-laws encouraged assimilation. They did not force desi culture (language/food etc.) on their sons. My husband’s life as a child/teenager consisted of all white friends, typical American food, English movies/songs, and weekends spend skiing/snowboarding.
He understands his parents native language b/c in-laws speak it at home but he does not speak it himself (and has no interest in learning). He thinks Bollywood movies are stupid. He does like desi food but cannot have it every single day (he can handle it like 1-2 times a week). He did start meeting desi people after he went away for college (YEARS ago lol) and at this point, we do have a lot of desi friends (Indian/Pakistani/Bangali) so he’s had a lot of exposure to the culture. When we go to desi events, he has no problem wearing desi clothes or eating the food. But at the end of the day, this is not HIS culture. He considers himself more “American” than desi. He doesn’t mind learning bits and pieces of desi culture when he comes across it…but it’s not something he will seek out himself.
Do I wish he was more into desi culture? Of course. But it’s not a requirement for me. At the end of the day, I wanted to marry a man who will be a good husband and a father. Having my future children be fluent in desi language, immersed in Bollywood movie etc. is not a priority for me. If they are that’s great. But I would rather focus more than making sure they’re good/decent people who are successful in life and lead a healthy lifestyle. The fact that my husband is not “desified” was never a deal-breaker for me.
Re: completely westernised brown/asian people.
Right, I was making two separate points. There is a popular stereotype among some desis that brown people born and raised in the west are “confused” about their identity and that identity includes both culture and religion. People are quick to jump to conclusions that just because someone doesn’t practice south asian culture, they are white washed ABCDs and have absolutely no morals, etc.
Firstly, I don’t think that they are “confused”. They are practicing the culture that they were brought up in. And as adults, they have chosen to continue practicing that culture. Nothing wrong with that really. If that’s not how you want your future generation to be raised, don’t marry that person. Simple!
Secondly, yes you’re right, culture and religion are two separate issues. So suppose someone who is westernized but is a good practicing Muslim, what is wrong with that? I don’t see anything wrong.
Agree with Paheli’s post. :k:
Re: completely westernised brown/asian people.
Key thing to realize here is not to consider the term ‘confused’ as a negative. At least to me, it is not. You cannot expect them to be 100% desi, coz culturally they are not. But when it comes to religion, there are no percentages. Personally, I don’t mind marrying someone born and brought up in the west, as long as their religious views align with mine.
Re: completely westernised brown/asian people.
I see your point 
However “confused desi” along with other terms mentioned in this thread are pretty common (fun) phrases to describe brown kids who are not in touch with desi culture - regardless of how much they’ve been exposed to it cause confused desis exist in Pakistan too, trust me 
. I see nothing wrong with labelling someone “confused desi” - it’s just a term for me like coconut/oreo/potatoe. I really don’t think we need to get into a deeper analysis.
Re: completely westernised brown/asian people.
This is 100% my husband; I knew how he was and I accepted it, more like embraced it. I like his open-mindedness towards women and doesn’t make a big deal about things, calls it like how he sees it, no one owns him, he states his own opinions without feeling the need to please anyone (i.e without the influence of family/friends) just goes with the flow kinda guy.
We have both learned a lot from each other; Like for instance he had no clue what Biryani or savviyaan were, I incorporated my Desi mix into our relationship, Even though I have never lived in Pakistan myself visited every year as a child, (born in middle east, grew up in north america) but I consider myself more Pakistani at heart.
While occasionally I listen to Mehdi Hassan ka raag yet he blasts ‘Roxanne’ from ‘the police’. We are so so so different but we love what have going on…Alhamdulilah
Re: completely westernised brown/asian people.
You may personally use “confused” as a “fun” term but many others don’t. I understand why people think people born/raised in Pakistan/India are confused when they are trying to imitate a Western culture but even as a joke…I don’t get it. My husband is dark skinned but has a typical white person personality/interests. Hence even as joke…oreo/potatoe/coconut makes sense. But “confused”?
And while you may not personally do so…there are people out there who do what I described. Many people want a spouse who was born/raised in U.S./UK/Canada etc…but they will easily turn down a rishta b/c that person, born/raised in the West, is not immersed in desi culture. Yet someone from India/Pakistani is too desi. Then they complain that there is a lack of “good rishtas”.
We don’t need a “deep analysis” but I think it’s fair to at least ask for clarification on what you wrote…you would “honestly rather marry a non-desi than a confused desi”? Since you’re saying that you used the term “confused” as a fun phrase…then what does your initial statement even mean? Assuming you live in the West and search for a rishta in the West, would you reject a desi guy ONLY b/c he is clueless about desi culture? Even if his education, family background, personality, looks etc…everything else is fine?
Re: completely westernised brown/asian people.
We are different people and we speak different languages, so while you may not think ‘confused’ can be funny - I think it can be. I don’t feel ‘confused’ makes any less sense than the other terms nor do I find it more insulting than the rest.
And my first statement means what it says - I wouldn’t marry the person OP described because it’s not how I want my partner to be. It’s pretty simple and I don’t think I need to clarify it any further or clarify at all but now I did it. I guess I can be “picky” because I’m already happily married to a very awesome man
And I don’t think I’ve anything more to say about it. It is what it is. A personal opinion.
Re: completely westernised brown/asian people.
You may say not to see it as a “negative” label but truth of the matter is that it IS a derogatory and condescending term.
I fail to see anyone proudly beating their chest while announcing that they are “confused” anything, let alone “desi”.
Re: completely westernised brown/asian people.
well if we are going with stereotypes - here is my experience and analysis. 
some of the nicest brown friends i have are “coconuts”. these guys just arent chaalak. and are easy to plan activities with - they mean what they say, they stick to pre-planned time frames and dont flake out on you, don’t have a lot of nakhrey about finding places to stop for food. that is enough culture for me personally.
Re: completely westernised brown/asian people.
^ what a coconut.
Re: completely westernised brown/asian people.
Correct…that statement referred to a particular group of desis as “confused”. And given that you would not marry someone who fits this description, I’d say that term comes across as more than just a “fun” phrase…even if that’s based on you personal preference. Furthermore, we both use terms like “coconut/oreo/potatoe” etc yet I chose a guy who fits that description as my husband while you admit that you would never do that. So funny or not… to a 3rd party, there is a difference when someone like you uses these “fun terms” even if you don’t see it that way. It’s kinda like the usage of the N word when referring to black people. If a black person uses it…no one bats an eye b/c…well…because they’re part of that group.. But if a white person uses it…it carries a totally different meaning.
Agreed. Thank you for the clarification.
Re: completely westernised brown/asian people.
I did not know that was a qualification for being Pakistani??
Re: completely westernised brown/asian people.
Lol maybe they meant Hum TV dramas