I know we have addressed the issue of comparing your kids to each other and the consequences of it…however, is it natural that comparisons just pop in to your mind when meeting a child and comparing him/her to your own child? I mean, honestly, are there any parents/adults here who’ve never even in their mind compared kids?
Re: Comparisons between kids
i'm sure parents do- its only natural. i think the problem arises when they speak up about it esp. in front of the kids! i have an aunt who did nothing but compare us to our cousins when we were growing up and let me tell you, she is NOT a welcome sight in our home now that we're all grown up. but thats a different story...
Re: Comparisons between kids
I think as a parent I always compare in my mind only. For example my daughter 13 months old has not started walking yet and I have seen a couple of 13 months old who can walk . I think it's okay to compare milestones just to measure and check your child's progress. But some people compare stupid and idiotic things like colour complexion , hairs , naak nakhsa etc etc. I think that is very very wrong and it really hurt the kid and can have very deep and bad affects on the child. When I was a kid I was pretty over weight for sometime and very often people used to compare they still do lol saying that she was a fat kid but our kid isn't lol ! but that used to hurt me so I think people should really really think before they speak about any child.
Re: Comparisons between kids
I have to somewhat with agree with diamond. What is wrong with comparisons? You compare when you shop for a car and but not for your kids?
I am not talking about comparing one child with another in front of the children. "He does this and you do not"
But it's actually very healthy to compare you child to development milestones (in the first 3 years of life), schools, teachers, socialization, curriculum, behaviors, eating habits with children their own age.
Speaking from a personal experience, I wish never listened to don't compare your children baloney. My first daughter was a early talker. I never pushed my little one because "you shouldn't compare the two". It came to bite me 2 years later with speech delays.
Stay inquisitive about your children. Ask questions of other parents. Compare and compare away. It would only benefit your children.
Re: Comparisons between kids
I never compared my kids. Every kid is special and different. And needs to be treated as such.
Re: Comparisons between kids
I think comparing as a parent to make sure your kid is doing well and normal is not a bad thing.
But comparing like her kid is this way and why isnt mine like this or even vice versa...might not be so good. Sometimes it happens naturally but I dont think it should be voiced or talked about in front of children.
Re: Comparisons between kids
I think it's very natural to compare but there's healthy comparison and there's unhealthy comparison. Healthy is keeping track of your child's milestones and comparing with kids his/her age so you can push him/her a little to do what he's supposed to do. However, the unhealthy comparison is when parents compare qualities of their child with another that cannot be changed such as skin complexion,height, etc. I also don't like it when people become blunt and try to put down another parent because his/her child didn't start walking at 10 months of age....If a child is behind something that's a concern but if s/he doesn't do something EARLY then that's not anything to be concerned about!
Re: Comparisons between kids
what about when it comes to skills/intelligance, education/grades/jobs is it normal to compare?