How do u ask elders to stop comparing your toddlers with others?? each baby grows at their own pace and does things differently. Then how can you compare and say their baby does this and yours doesnt? I have lost my temper a couple of times and sounded harsh, and I would not want to do it again, as its making me feel guilty and also I end up looking bad, whereas I am right. But I dont want it to happen again.
Explain what you just said in general conversation when things are calm and no one is comparing.
Use ‘We’ or ‘hum’ instead of ‘you’ or ‘aap’ to avoid it becoming a blame thing.
One really nice quotation a friend shared with me is some people don’t deserve your words and they deserve your silence. The best thing I did for my children is to distance myself from the community so I can give them an opportunity to live their lives without being judged and compared. Nothing will change that culture and those people so please pay no heed and ignore.
Funny you have brought it up, I have never seen a single desi parent who is happy about their child’s weight or appetite, doesn’t matter even if the child is obese, they are always concerned, as the child’s grandma or granddad, or an aunt, or a distant relative, heck even a maid has made a comment how under nourished their child looks compared to others! this phenomenon also goes on to involve other milestones like height, speech, walking, running, toothbrushing, feeding, praying, reciting four Qulls, beating up other kids etc etc etc
I don’t believe this phenomenon is limited to desi’s only.
Well as a matter of fact, in my practice, it almost exclusively is unless you have consulted tens of thousands of parents in different countries from all sorts of ethnic backgrounds to have come to your conclusion.
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It gives me a good research idea, I can run a search on practice software for last 12 months, sorting consultations with the read-codes ‘parental concern’ or ‘parental anxiety’ and then examine the parents sociodemographic profile. I am sure I will find quite a few white parents paranoid re their child having Autism or ADHD. For Subcontinental parents, its mainly fussy eaters, not gaining weight, not speaking as well as their cousin etc
You played the Dr card here and your post reeked of superiority but that’s okay.
I am not a doctor but I have been teaching children of different backgrounds since 2010 :). In my opinion, the comparisons would be more apparent to a teacher than a doctor.
I think you got the wrong end of stick, I was talking purely from a statistical point of view, I can try and gather evidence to present my point if you are interested. I am not sure if parents from all sorts of racial and socioeconomic profile come to you asking for special vitamins or supplements for their kids, but if you still feel strongly about your opinion than its ok, I will never make any comments about parents concerns re their children’s educational abilities as that is not my field and so wont barge into it.
The elders will only shut down if you respond with anger. But then again, a gentler tone may fall on deaf ears as well because people tend to become more set in their ways as they age. Most likely the eldes themselves grew up hearing their own parents make comparisons and I bet they didn?t like it, but they now see it as normal because it was partof their own upbringing. Communicating your concerns may not produce a change. If it?s possible to distance yourself from such elders, then do so. And praise youe kids and encourage them to bolster their confidence where ?others? may incur damage.
Another interesting thing to note is children in nuclear families, whose parents are working, and who are either lone child or have only few siblings, and no exposure to talking to grandparents, uncles, aunts and their cousins etc will take a bit longer to develop their language skills than otherwise. Many grandparents are often the first to notice this discrepancy and then give their observations which often arises from genuine concern rather than anything else.
Op, why don’t you have a little fun with this? 
Start comparing the elders to other elders. Compare their cooking, their dressing, their health, etc etc. Just pit em against each other…light a match…and walk out.
Great Minds Discuss Ideas;
Average Minds Discuss Events;
Small Minds Discuss People;
**Eleanor Roosevelt
It Applies in ALL Cultures Equally NOT JUST among DESI’s :k:**
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I stay in a joint family and getting distant from them is not an option. as my MIL is also my baby’s caretaker when i go to work. My issue is that, she is the one who gets to spend more time with the baby, so she has to teach her stuff and talk to the baby as much as possible, but instead, my baby is left with TV or talked abt “how much and how hard daadi is working or suffering from joint pains”
TV is bad. Day center is better than baby watching TV while Dadi comparing grandsons.
Time has changed a lot … and with The Pace its running these days it will be Changing further more ahead .
New Physiological issues are discovered / New ways of life evolving .
The best thing will be to get this information shared to them by some one they trust ( some one of their own era will be more beneficial )
If you tell them these - they might take it negatively ( saying what does she thinks of her self – i have spent more time in life than these today’s Genius )
Hope you find a way to get it communicated - and it will make life easier for all