Is it ok for the parents to compare between kids ?
to say stuff like…why can’t you do so and so like your sister…or why cant you get so and so marks like your brother?
Is it right for the kids to compare? to say stuff like… ammi abbu always like wht aapi does but dont like wht I do…sirf mujhey he daant pitt tee hai and not aapi…etc etc…
*My parents always told my sis bachpan se…do so and so like aapi…why cant u do this like her etc etc so now whenever she does something not as perfect as mum wants…and mum gets angry…she simply says…aapni laadlee se kahiye kerne ko…unka kaam tou aapko pasand he aata hai …
I feel the parents should not compare..it leaves a negative impact on kids…
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its better nt to compare kids..be it sbilings/friends/school mates. We were always told to compare kids with their own past. Each child is different and thinks differently.
like each bud blossom's into a flower but in difference in shape and growth time.
yaa.. i knw lot of parents who dooo dat... but i would really appreciate my parents dat they nvr compare us.... they appreciate us... and telll us whts bad or whts wrong...
but i think dat parents shdnt doo datt causeee it destroys the relationship...
that reminds me, my little brothers are alway like "why do you let baji or bhai do this and this and not us" and my moms response is always "why don't you always do this and this like bhai and baji, and maybe i'd let you ..."???
My parents compared us often, and I didn't mind. It wasn't excessive or very one sided, but it existed. healthy competition never hurt anyone. Bringing out the the good qualities of one sibling to attention is never that horrible or psychologically damaging. Like everything in else in life, moderation is a beautiful thing.
Is it ok for the parents to compare between kids ?
to say stuff like....why can't you do so and so like your sister...or why cant you get so and so marks like your brother?
Is it right for the kids to compare? to say stuff like... ammi abbu always like wht aapi does but dont like wht I do......sirf mujhey he daant pitt tee hai and not aapi...etc etc...
*My parents always told my sis bachpan se...do so and so like aapi...why cant u do this like her etc etc so now whenever she does something not as perfect as mum wants...and mum gets angry...she simply says...aapni laadlee se kahiye kerne ko...unka kaam tou aapko pasand he aata hai ...
I feel the parents should not compare..it leaves a negative impact on kids...
*
Many (not all) people will agree that comparing can be harmful to a child's self-esteem. And you can get all the opinions that you want, LP.......but what are you going to do about it? You can sense (based on your sister's responses) that she's resentful about being compared to you. So, why don't you try talking to your parents about the issue? You're an educator....and I'm sure you've heard in your professional training that comparing can undermine one's self confidence. Sit down and NICELY tell your parents that while you understand that they only want what's best for their younger daughter......the approach might be hurting her. Suggest to your parents that they not compare her to you....and that they PRAISE her when they see your sister doing something right so she feels more motivated to do better next time. And you (as the older sister) can also praise her.......or build her confidence by asking for her opinion on issues....or asking her for help/suggestions.
Competition (to an extent) can be healthy.......but when it's overdone.....it can be damaging. Of course, it's flattering for one sibling to know that the others are being compared to him/her....and they may not think it's a big deal.....but the emotional scars deep within their siblings may not be visible to them. The favored sibling, like everyone else in the world, is not perfect either. And the frequent spotlight can sometimes cause pressure/be suffocating for the more favored/praised sibling. Being on one extreme or the other is not healthy. Some people may not want to admit that they feel under-appreciated or hurt.....over time this can lead to feelings of resentment/jealousy/anger/being in a state of CONSTANT competition (which is not peaceful)......it can strain relationships..............and moreover it hurts your iman.
I'll be honest....as a teacher I've made the mistake of comparing my students to one another. And I'll admit that I don't feel good about it. I've also observed that praise tends to go farther. Even Islamically, we're advised to teach examples in a way that does not shame/hurt the other person. There are other ways to about influencing someone:
praising the person one on one......or before a group of people (has to be sincere)
providing more practice for something
getting one sibling to help the other (without it being known)
To a certain extent...extrinsic rewards....can also help
usually it happen when a kid make some mistake or the kid is naughty then parents says the words like this i think its also part of there love @little princess never think again like this just love ur parents