I lived in Pakistan for 30 years. The thing that distressed me most in the last 10 years is the ‘comparative statistics’ people always run on each other.
I was always told that… ‘he is of your age but look how much more he’s earning’… ‘he is of your age but doesn’t even have a car’ … ‘your neighbors bought the latest model’… ‘your colleagues’ kids do not go to a school as good as yours’
In the end, it was all too much for me. What is this? Why are we always comparing each others’ wealth/status/lifestyle? For me, this is a major cause of corruption, discontent and jealousy among us. A major reason for us to leave our country.
Why do we have to show off? Why do we have to be jealous of others’ wealth? Why cant we live a simpler life?
The worst part is that we do not even consider our relations with other human beings important enough. And I was surprised to find out that I could not find a ‘proper’ forum to ask these questions. This forum was mostly about ‘life and romantic relationships’.
The interesting bit is that the people who are the most considerate are people from north east China. A huge majority of them do not believe in God but they think that being considerate to others is the most important part of life and being remembered as a ‘good human being’ is the greatest achievement even though they do not believe in afterlife.
I don't think it's incoherent. I grew up in Pakistan and had to deal with all this nonsense too, so and so's daughter got more marks that yours, etc. I was bowled over when I realised that there are people in the world who don't spend their childhoods being continuously put down.
Weddings are worse - there is nothing to talk about for young girls who are cooped up at home so they just b*tch about each other, dekho woh kya pehan rahi hae, etc etc.
So petty and sooooo ridiculous. People in Pakistan are too fixated on appearance, bari gadi, bara ghar, kids in private school, Hajj six times, and at the end you could be rotten to the core. All these ultra religious types... we used to have a Hindu housekeeper who died of a heartattack. My mum called on the neighbourhood ladies to collect money for the widow and they were all like nahi she's a hindu.
Also they made fun of my mum in Ramzan when she would send plates of food, sweets etc to the servants of the houses instead of the owners. She figured they needed it more, because as you know during Ramzan you end up with like 5 plates each day from various houses. It's all dikhawa, makes me so mad.
Like you said, it was an eye opener for me too when I learnt how gracious, kind and non matlabi non muslims could be.
There are many good things about life in Pakistan, but like they say if you can't love it, leave it, and I did.
I don't know where in Pakistan were you born and raised. But the part I grew up in , the neighbors were are content and thankful. Instead of competing with each other they would praise each other. They used to count their blessings, the kids would play with each other , aunties will chit chat about politics , mahnga-e, new fashions , cooking, where their new generation was heading, bollywood movies , TV drama's. Nobody was backbiting. When someone needed some kind of help everybody was willing and head over heels to help that person. The uncles would treat the kids of neighbors as their own kids and would make sure that they are all well protected when they were outdoors.
So it is not about Pakistan it is about the neighborhood you live in. Now do not ask me where in Pakistan I used to live.
I lived in a very small town. That probably had a lot to do with it bored ladies at home with nothing to do except be cruel to each other and act small-minded.
Naturally I don’t mean my entire life was like that. I had the best childhood ever, walking in and out of unlocked houses, in perfect safety with my pals. This thread is talking about the NEGATIVE aspects of society, not a reflection on Pakistani society full stop.
And wherever you grew up, I’m sure someone at some point compared you unfavourably to another person that’s what this thread is about, and general petty mindedness.
Here is the thing. Better yourself. Don't give a rats ass about other people. All desis fall into this trap unless they work themselves out of it. They do it, so what. Be content with what you have. Also have some self confidence and don't worry about people comparing you to others. The reason they for the comparison is to mess with you. Why let them?
If you want to be a real *******, turn the tables on them. So and so has a car what happened to yours etc. Either way stop whining and be happy.
It has more to do with class system in Pakistani society. upper class (read no'dolateye) being the most affected ones. trends of earning easy money promoted this materialistic mentality, and of course non-realistic image of society, portrayed by media, played a major role in polluting young generation's minds. The result is what we see around us.
Personally, I think its Pakistanis in general. I dont think its specific to only people living in Pakistan. Ive seen this here in US as well, grew up in in Pakistani community and heard it all. Iske paas vo zyada hai, uske paas aisi gardi hai, itna paysa hai, etc. Who cares?
This is not to say all Pakistanis are like this...its just a lot that Ive seen. Keeping up with Joneses.
i agree with PSquared...its happening in US too...i just hope this generation (us ) and our upcoming generations dont compete as much as our parents do.
I don't know where in Pakistan were you born and raised. But the part I grew up in , the neighbors were are content and thankful. Instead of competing with each other they would praise each other. They used to count their blessings, the kids would play with each other , aunties will chit chat about politics , mahnga-e, new fashions , cooking, where their new generation was heading, bollywood movies , TV drama's. Nobody was backbiting. When someone needed some kind of help everybody was willing and head over heels to help that person. The uncles would treat the kids of neighbors as their own kids and would make sure that they are all well protected when they were outdoors.
So it is not about Pakistan it is about the neighborhood you live in. Now do not ask me where in Pakistan I used to live.
Yeah my great-great grandpa used to share these stories about good ol' days.
heyy cant u take ths all in positive sense … take ths all as an opportunity to learn n to improve living standards … so nothing is bad if u tak all in positive sense … beter b positive n see all ths in optimistic way
[QUOTE]
The interesting bit is that the people who are the most considerate are people from north east China. A huge majority of them do not believe in God but they think that being considerate to others is the most important part of life and being remembered as a 'good human being' is the greatest achievement even though they do not believe in afterlife.
My apologies for these incoherent ramblings.
[/QUOTE]
Here is the thing. Better yourself. Don't give a rats ass about other people. All desis fall into this trap unless they work themselves out of it. They do it, so what. Be content with what you have. Also have some self confidence and don't worry about people comparing you to others. The reason they for the comparison is to mess with you. Why let them?
If you want to be a real *******, turn the tables on them. So and so has a car what happened to yours etc. Either way stop whining and be happy.
I don't know where in Pakistan were you born and raised. But the part I grew up in , the neighbors were are content and thankful. Instead of competing with each other they would praise each other. They used to count their blessings, the kids would play with each other , aunties will chit chat about politics , mahnga-e, new fashions , cooking, where their new generation was heading, bollywood movies , TV drama's. Nobody was backbiting. When someone needed some kind of help everybody was willing and head over heels to help that person. The uncles would treat the kids of neighbors as their own kids and would make sure that they are all well protected when they were outdoors.
So it is not about Pakistan it is about the neighborhood you live in. Now do not ask me where in Pakistan I used to live.
I am curious - where was this in pakistan? Big city vs. small city? closed housing, gated community? and how long ago?
From CM: “Here is the thing. Better yourself. Don’t give a rats ass about other people. All desis fall into this trap unless they work themselves out of it.”
I try my best and I have been called a ‘bewakoof ka bacha’ for it. I don’t much care about that but its just that I feel sad when I see specially the teenagers all materialistic about things, specially when it comes to choosing a career! You should do what you think you’d like to do in life and not what you think would bring in a lot of money. Money eventually follows if you are good at whatever you do (even if you are a hair dresser).
from D@rkNgt:
“heyy cant u take ths all in positive sense … take ths all as an opportunity to learn n to improve living standards … so nothing is bad if u tak all in positive sense … beter b positive n see all ths in optimistic way”
Yes, it can be taken in a positive sense and should be. We should all strive to do better financially in life, but not through corruption/illegal means. And once we are fortunate enough to be wealthy, we should share it with not-so-fortunate or atleast not make them feel inferior.[
From Croquet:
“rat race. it is rampant in most societies”
I again agree. But in most of the cases, it does not encourage people to use illegal means or to show off. The lifestyle of the rich in Pakistan emphasis on ‘showing off’ and ‘impressing’ others.](“http://www.paklinks.com/gs/members/croquet.html”)
^pakistani society is heavy on pretence and showing off, you are right. it is hard sticking to ethics when society thinks you stupid for appreciating them. But the only way to get rid of darkness is to be a part of light. we can only change ourselves and the world might change , who knows?
bored ladies at home with nothing to do except be cruel to each other and act small-minded.
that’s what this thread is about, and general petty mindedness.