I’m not talking about comparisons between real siblings but children of aunts and uncles.
I’ve seen this happening a lot where grandparents compare your kids with other kids in the family, like oh your kids doesn’t eat this and that, or your kid doesn’t know as many surahs as the other kid or not just grandparents but even other folks. So as a parent how do protcet your young child from being constantly compared to their cousins, etc.?
I understand that a little bit here and there may be healthy and drive a kid towards a competitive spirit but if done excessively, it could actually hurt their self image…
This is something that totally gets on my nerves. Never happens with the gori side (not that they dont have faults of their own but thats a different topic completely). But inevitably the desis tell me "the youngest one is the smartest." Right in front of the kids!!!!!! And go on to say that middle one is a cassanova type etc.
Sheesh. How rude and inconsiderate of the children.
I will pass up on the small amount of good a competitive spirit can do to avoid the huge potential for damage not only to the child’s psyche but to the relationship that child will have with the one he/she is being compared to and with the person dishing out the comparison.
The funny part is that I just went through an episode of it this morning.
Bad idea all around. The kid who comes up wanting in the comparison ends up feeling embarrassed and inferior. The kid getting the compliments at the expense of a cousin or sibling will end up feeling singled out and could become the object of resentment among the kids of the family.
Unfortunately, I feel as if we - as desis - have missed the boat on tact completely (a lot of us anyway), and I don't feel this problem going away anytime soon. Best we can do is defend our kids, encourage them to be the best they can be and to not let this stuff get to them too much 'cause it's next to impossible to put a stop to. Nine out of ten times, the person making the comparison will get totally offended if his/her behavior is pointed out and make an even bigger scene.
My mom used to compare me with every aira ghaira nath'thoo kahiraa kid (its needless to say that in those comparisons, the other kid was always better than me in every aspect).
I used to give bud'duas to those kids every night. Now when I look back, I realized that my bud'duas worked. None of them is even half as blessed as I am in almost every aspect of life.
Masoom bachchon kee bud'duaa'aon main baraa asar hotaa hai.
U know whats funny, I got the comparisons all the time, that falan ki beti is so thin and pretty and she does all this and that, and as an adult…i actually got told off that all my parents did was praise me and thats why i am the way I am (sensitive to criticism).
I get compared all the time, I think I'm dheet. However, in my defence the cousins I get compared to are such screw-ups I wonder what my mum sees in them :o
One of my friends mom is always comparing her to her older sister whos alot prettier and better maintained. It's so sad. This girl is so smart and she isn't into all these superficial girlie girl stuff but her mom keeps telin her how her older sister is prettier and getting all the guys :( It's heartbreaking to see how her mom is always ridiculing her..
