I swear i didnt even realize what i was doing the other day. I felt horrible when this thought crossed my mind that i was comparing my 2 little sisters.
One is 12 and the youngest one is 9. The one who is 9 Mashallah is an A student and 12 yrs old is a B student.
I don’t know what was wrong with me when i started to give 12 yrs old example of 9 yrs old.
Later on i realized i should not have compaired them. I apologized to the 12 yrs old one and she cried. That made me felt the worst sister on face of this earth and i hugged her :o
But her words are like haunting me " apa you hurted me" - i tell you finals have made me lose my mind
There is nothing wrong with comparing, as long as you make it clear that you dont prefer one over another. A 12 year old is old enough to understand that. When they grow up they WILL get compared and actually discriminated against based on very small things.
you know what Nia you are a great sister ..such a great love you have for your siblings :) aur han no you are not bad sis at all ...belive me on that .
Put it this way Nia, when people compare YOU to your sisters/cousins/relatives/friends, how does that make YOU feel? Like shyte, nah? Why not congratulate her for doing her best and for getting her Bs instead of putting her down - although you shouldn't be playing 'mum' anyway.
awww nia waisay i dont feel good when i am compared to my siblings, koi aur karay toh khayr hay par jab ghar walay kertay hayn toh it does hurt...lekin dont worry i am sure she is gonna forget it by tomorrow and u r not a bad sister for sure cuz u obviously love ur sisters a lot :)
hmmm…well i sometimes compare my siblings..but i dont tell um…well i do sometimes.but they dont really take it to heart coz im always…well mostly blunt n keep telling um..ur actin like a pice of**** now,n u sometimes act like a cow,n this n that..so they know i’ll say it,n i do sometimes give examples..actually i even make um feel very degraded sometimes but..they know im like that:)
hm,i duno if ur a bad sister..i dont really know u well,otherwise…i would av given u a piece of my mind instead of sayin ur all sweet n stuff:hehe:
hmm,well nia,i think u tried to be nice in a way…tellin ur sis to do better,but..uh…couldnt u find a better example,i mean if i was given my lil sister(even though i dont av a younger sis)as a role model,i would av been mad…n would have felt very very bad.
hmmm well wht i think is that no body should compare other people with each other cause every person has his/her own personality and capability to do work or to think etc.
nia i am sure u r a good sister to ur siblings and a good person too cause u realise ur mistake and confessed it with whole heartidly.
Nia, as suroor_ca02 said aboce, you're not a bad sister.
You genuinely love your 12yr old sister and wish nothing but the best for her - in this case, you wish for her to be just as successful as your 9yr old one. What happened was a slip-up in how you expressed your love and best wishes for your 12yr old one - and everyone makes mistakes like these at some point.
Please don't beat yourself up over this. You don't deserve that at all. :)
Like others said just try to use words carefully :) ..i know how it feels coz i was a very sensitive kid in childhood..and i used to take every word to heart..i used to be sad all the time from inside..and i used to cry in washroom coz people around me used to compare me and my siblings all the time..so i have learnt to take people as individuals..Nia, you are a nice sister coz you can realize that you unintentionally said something to your sister that hurted her..just give her a hug and tell her that as humans sometime we just make mistakes..so she should feel free to tell you next time if something hurted her. We all make mistakes :(..so i have told people around me that if i say something wrong..they should tell me right away..and shouldn't hold their thoughts..coz holding on thoughts can became stressful after sometime.
Nia janoo aisi koee baat nahi ,bas hum log bhool jaatay hain k wou log apni age k saath act kartay hain ,lakin hamaray zahun main houta hay k yay baray hou chukay hain,or waisa hi expect karaty hain,tub hum log compair kartay hain,lakin harsh words painfull hou saktay hain is mian koee shak nahi:)
Nia do not do that. Never compare siblings. Heres some research on the way humans unconciously change their preceptions of others and unwittingly affact their outcomes.
In addition, why are we always seeking A students or workers? Different people work at different rates and ways and to compare people across on a single system (in this case is the academic system) is just plain wrong. I realize this is a pet thing for desis particularly in our system of getting recognized by our academic achievements but it does not consider human differences. If we stopped comparing in this world, you would suddenly see how much happier everyone else would be.
Its great that you took the time to do some soul searching. Hope this helps.
Nia: You should bet all your money on the younger one. Dote on him/her and let the older one crave for attention. You know that in the end, the younger one will be more successful and you can definitely hit'em up for osme money. Unlike the deadbeat the older one will become. Stack the odds in your strategic favor.
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