Communication Gap?

Mirch · January 28, 2009, 11:55pm

My professor once said that he likes to find something in common, anything (foods, tv shows, hobbies), so that he can connect with his students. This was a teaching course I was taking. And although we the students were engaged in a first-day-of-class ice-breaker activity, the concept is important and makes sense. The other thing the professor suggested was MODEL MODEL MODEL. And that makes sense too.

Anny, every family is different in the way that they communicate and express themselves. Maybe your husband and his family are not that into being expressive and emotional. Maybe they are more reserved. The culture in Pakistan is different/reserved from the culture of Canada. You could be right. Maybe your husband is like that because there is a difference in his and your family backgrounds. But it could also be that that’s just how he is. And for all you know he might act the same if he had married another woman.

What do your husband and you have in common? Any interests/hobbies? Do you both like going to the movies, garden, theme parks, travel, favorite common restaurants? How about engaging your husband in activities that you BOTH like to enjoy.

Sometimes you have to model the desired behavior for the other person. Model good communication for your husband. As difficult as it may be, take the time to talk to him, ask him how his day went, tell him about your day, tell him about whats on your mind, tell him about a funny thing you saw/experienced. Cook his favorite meals, buy him things that he likes, surprise him with gifts. If you do this more often, InshaAllah he’ll get used to the idea that you’re opening up to him…and he’ll gradually become more comfortable with you to start communicating with you as well. I don’t think it would hurt to stroke his ego either. If you see him looking nice or doing something good, then sincerely compliment him. He’ll be flattered and feel good about himself. He’ll know that after a few years of marriage, you still appreciate him, and he’ll feel more encouraged (hopefully) to communicate back with you. Flattery can go a long way as they say. Women like to be appreciated and complimented by their husbands. And I’m sure that guys/husbands like to feel appreciated complimented by their wives as well.

So try these things out first for a few months. And if that doens’t work, then talk to him about your concerns because at that point you can say that you’ve made frequent attempts and efforts at bridging the gap. I wish you the best. And you should be proud of yourself for not giving up. That’s the right attitude, now run with it!

how fast do you type ? Your posts are good but lengthy.