When there are ‘mixed’ get-togethers, i mean - desis as well as non-desis in one single gathering - in your experience, have you found that all the individuals are able to get along and talk at the same level? i was thinking of this.
What i have observed, tends to happen, is that unconsciously, the non-desis [usually gorays] sit on one side in one group, and the desis sit on another side. Automatically there is a physical separation. This isn’t consciously done i’m sure… it just happens when individuals enter the room. Whether it’s because the gora party has arrived together (transportation-wise), i am not certain.. But i’ve noticed this in the ‘mixed’ gatherings i have been to.
Then there’s the language factor. i was at this function thingy few weeks ago, and some of the desis - well two Aunties - started talking in Urdu between each other. It was just unconsciously done, no rudeness intended. i heard one of the gori larkiyaan say, “Hey that’s not fair” but not loud enough to be heard by everyone… then the goris started talking amongst themselves.
Anyways the whole thing felt a bit awkward, not solely due to that incident. i’m just wondering - do you feel the same way when you are part of a ‘mixed’ gathering. Is there automatically tension if individuals belong to very, very different cultural/linguistic/religious categories? i am not saying this occurs all the time, i am not stereotyping, i am not saying all goris are rude, and all desis get along great together but with no one else. Please do not twist my words. Just wondering - how easily are cultural/linguistic/religious differences overcome when you are in a close setting with individuals who are VERY different in many ways ?
I have noticed that too that nondesis- and desis are separated... and i think its because mybe us desis feel obligated ourselves to understand that they might feel a bit out of place at a desi event an thats why we tend to jus assume and even place them with other nondesis..
i think its jus assumable that nondesis will feel at ease amongst themselves at a desi party whether they know each other or not rathar than scattered all over ....
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*Originally posted by Deviliciousss: *
I have noticed that too that nondesis- and desis are separated... and i think its because mybe us desis feel obligated ourselves to understand that they might feel a bit out of place at a desi event an thats why we tend to jus assume and even place them with other nondesis..
i think its jus assumable that nondesis will feel at ease amongst themselves at a desi party whether they know each other or not rathar than scattered all over ....
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hmm yeah. Interesting points.
Am i the only one (as usual) but do you find it sad that... well, we have these unspoken cultural differences that prevent all of us from actually really feeling as one group. i know i'm being naive and all, but it's kind of sad kai - despite everything, there will be differences in any group based upon culture/religion. But then, that's how individuals are raised, right - our culture. Amongst Pakistani themselves, there are so many divergences; if you throw a complete nonAsian into the pot, then s/he is bound to stick out like a sore thumb. It's just kinda sad...2004, and we're still not fully 'there' when it comes to cross-cultural interactions. Will it always be this way ? Is there something 'wrong' with it being this way?
If there was a desi in a group of nondesis, it would be the same dynamics.
i dont think we will ever be completely there..as a desi in a non desi country, parents tend to hammer into their childrens brain that we r different and we have a different culture and with that in our mind, we may be accepting and understanding about other cultures, but somehow smewhere we tend to find a better connection with our own "kind" jus my perpective.
Man! are you taking some advanced sociology courses or what? Proxemics and this?! :D
I don't think the phenomena is so much cultural. Every culture I've witnessed does it. People look for physical cues (not necessarily goray/desi, white folks do it amongst themselves too) and unconsciously group themselves with those which seem similar, even if they'd be better off with the alternative. That's why talking about racism/segregation is often a sticky subject. It's hard to differentiate between self-imposed segregation and forced segregation. It's a lot easier to spot in small groups like your example though. This stuff isn't at all hard to get over either in small groups.. just have to make a conscious effort.. go over and talk to someone, compromise at first and listen to them ramble about their daddy's new SUV, then change the topic once they're comfortable :) On a macro-scale though it gets tougher cuz you have to get everyone on the same page.
But if you listen to the experts they'll tell you that most of this isn't so much a result of how we're raised but a lingering instinct from our animal days. It's been a while since I've been able to ramble about this sort of stuff so I can't get into the proper terms and theories, but it's interesting stuff.
Spoon, Sorry - why would i like Switzerland? Thank you for taking the time to share your interesting response.
No i'm not taking sociology, i never took a soci class in my life. i was just wondering at the party... when you're quiet in a large gathering, it gives you an opportunity to observe more while speaking less :D
>>But if you listen to the experts they'll tell you that most of this isn't so much a result of how we're raised but a lingering instinct from our animal days.<<
More interesting. Apparently there's some evolutionary reason behind this? hm i wonder how we could test that.
However, with my husband and my friends it's fairly mixed....we all speak english and tend to talk about things that are familiar to all...though soemtimes if outnumbered by desis the gora will learn abotu desi music/issues etc..
I also noticed that even in my desi groups if i mix 2-3 circles of friends...those friends often just hang out with their friends...