A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather who lived way out in the boondocks. After he’d spent the night, his grandfather fixed him bacon and eggs for breakfast. Noticing a heavy film on his plate and he questioned, “Grandpa, are these plates clean?”
His grandfather replied, “Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal.”
Later on that afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of his plate, and a substance that looked like dried egg yokes. So he asked again, "Grandpa, are you sure these plates are clean?
Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather replied, “I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don’t ask me about it anymore!”
Later on that afternoon, and feeling a bit queasy, he decided to go to a nearby town for dinner. As he was leaving, his Grandfather’s dog started to growl, and wouldn’t let him pass. He called out, “Grandpa, your dog won’t let me out.”
Without diverting his attention from the baseball game he was watching, Grandpa shouted back, “Coldwater, get your flea bitten ass out of the way!”