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Salaam Dosto,
This may not be the right forum to post but anyways..
here are the best Sardar Ji Jokes available ENJOY!!
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{ The complete Sardar Encyclopedia }
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Sardarji is buying a TV. “Do you have color TVs?”
“Sure.”
“Give me a green one, please.”
Sardarji calls Air India. “How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?”
Just a sec," says the rep.
Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.
EMPLOYMENT..
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He
promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc.
Then he came to the column “Salary Expected” :
He was not sure as to what to be filled there.
After much thought he wrote : Yes
CROCODILE BOOTS..
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of
crocodile
boots. He sets
off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search
is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a
huge
one . He walks over
the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims “71st and again
barefeet!”
A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, “What is that shiny object?”
The clerk replies, “That is a thermos flask.”
The sardar then asks, “What does it do?” The clerk responds, “It keeps
hot
things hot and it
keeps cold things cold.”
The sardar says, “I’ll take it!”
The next day, he walks into work with his ew thermos.
His sardar boss sees him and asks,
“What is that shiny object with you?”
He said, “It’s a thermos flask.”
The boss then says,
“What does it do?” He replies, “It keeps hot things hot and cold things
cold.”
The boss said, “Wow, what do you have in it?”
The sardar replies, “Two cups of coffee and a coke.”
A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in
Rajasthan, but two days
later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like “Saala
phone
utha
ke bolta hai ghar
pe nahin hai”
What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ?
He will compare it with the original for pelling mistakes !!
What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper ?
(he already has one and he wants one more..)
He takes a photcopy of the white paper !!!
Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were
planning
for free Punjab.
Santa Singh raised a point, “Oh..we’ll get Punjab from India but how
would
we
develop it?”
That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, “No
problem! we’ll attack
USA, it would take over us and then we would
be a state of USA and we’ll automatically get developed.”
All the surds became happy on this very simple solution but an old surd
did
not utter a single
word. Someone asked him why he wasn’t happy. The surd replied,
“OH! THAT’S ALRIGHT BUT…WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER
USA
???”
=============================================
Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
“I would like to buy this small TV,” he told the salesman.
“Sorry, we don’t sell to SARDARs,” he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and
returned
to
tell the salesman
“I would like to buy this TV.”
“Sorry, we don’t sell to Sardars,” Salesman replied.
“Damn, he recognized me,” he thought. he went for a complete disguise
this
time, haircut and new
hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then
waited a few days before he again approached the salesman.
“I would like to buy this TV.”
“Sorry, we don’t sell to Sardars,” he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed “How do you know I’m a Sardar?”
“Because that’s a microwave,” he replied.
Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
How do you measure a Sardar’s intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like crazy…he’s got a hand grenade in his mouth.
How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
tell him a joke on Wednesday.
What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
Why do Sardars work seven days a week? So you don’t have to re-train
them on
Monday.
Why can’t Sardars make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.
How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.
What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
What do you see when you look into a Sardar’s eyes?
The back of his head.
What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh (‘T’ silent!).
What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.
Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
Why does Sardar have “TGIF” written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
Why can’t Sardar dial 911?
hey can not find the eleven on the phone
How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.
“Oh, look at the dead bird.”
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a
regular
one?
You have to hollow out the head.
TO LOSE WEIGHT..
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300
days,
he would loose 34
kilos.
At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost
the
weight, but he had
a problem.
"What’s the problem?"asked the doctor.
“I’m 2400 kms from home.”
TRAIN TO LUDHIANA..
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station.
Hari Singh asks the clerk: “Can I take this train to Ludhiana?”
“No,” answers the Railway man.
“Can I?” asks Gani Singh.
A sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start
approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him “kyon
sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai”(why ur
so
scared it’s only a cinema")
Sardarji replies “Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema
hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata " (i m a human and have sense
i
know it’s a cinema but that is an animal, what the hell he knows”.
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes
along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks
“kyon bhai ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?” (why ur sitting with all this
stuff?)
Sardarji replies
“Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun” (because train
comes
late don’t know may be i’ll die with hunger".)
Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the
guy
sitting opposite
him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the
station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees,
the
sardarji deserved
more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep,
the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the
Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash
his
face, and suddenly
screamed when he saw the mirror.
Said his wife " What’s the matter?" Replied he
“The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone
else”
Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started
thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked,
“Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?”
The sardarji replied
“I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn’t riding the donkey
at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too.”
Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate
“Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese.”
“How come you write “Chinese” when both parents are Sikh?” " Aah,
Sardarji
read a newspaper, it
says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."
Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space.
The ground control issues commands “Rubi!”
“Woof!”
(its the barking sound)
“Press the red button.” “Woof! Woof!” “Moti!”
“Woof!” “Press the white button.” “Woof! Woof!” “Sardarji!” “Woof.”
“Stop barking, feed the dogs and don’t touch anything!”
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower
when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
Sardarji
says “Yes”. “Give me a thousand rupees and I’ll go get a ladder.” The
man
took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours
the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride.
On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and
the
same man asks him to
buy the clock.
“Give me a thousand rupees and I’ll go get a ladder.”
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says “I am not a fool.This time,
you
wait and I’ll go
get a ladder.”
DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get
into
a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat,
But
unfortunate Banta got
pushed to the top. After a while when the rush was over, Santa went
upstairs
to see friend Banta
Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with
both
hands, scared to
death.
He says, "Arre Banta Singh ! What the heck’s goin’ on?
Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ?
Scared Banta replies. “Yeah, but you’ve got a driver.”
Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him
what had happened to his ears and he answered,
" Iwas ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up
the
phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
" Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
“But ..what happened to your other ear?”
“The scoundrel called back.”
++++++++++++++ ThE EnD +++++++++++++++
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