So my parents have been looking at rishtas for me from Pakistan. I’m pretty open to the idea but because i dont live there its hard for me to understand some aspects of background. I’m from a middle class background in NA so would ideally like someone from a similar class background because i think it eliminates a lot of drama.
However, a lot of people understandably like to overstate their background or talk it up. So, my question-what are hallmarks of class background in pakistan. For instance, middle class where I am means a honda/toyota in the driveway, professional parents, university educated children, white picket fence and a 4 bedroom house.
What does middle class look like in karachi, upper middle class? upper class?
what class and status got to do with rishtas. education and decency trumps every shortcomings in a person in relation to his background, Khaandaan, staus, class etc.
an decent educated and broadminded person from a weaker section of the society and with poor background is far superior than an uneducated rich or an obnoxious person from the social elite.
So my parents have been looking at rishtas for me from Pakistan. I'm pretty open to the idea but because i dont live there its hard for me to understand some aspects of background. I'm from a middle class background in NA so would ideally like someone from a similar class background because i think it eliminates a lot of drama.
However, a lot of people understandably like to overstate their background or talk it up. So, my question-what are hallmarks of class background in pakistan. For instance, middle class where I am means a honda/toyota in the driveway, professional parents, university educated children, white picket fence and a 4 bedroom house.
What does middle class look like in karachi, upper middle class? upper class?
From my experience with family and friends, upper class Pakistanis are at a different level than middle class/upper middle class North American Pakistanis. My cousins that have a very elite upper class social circle are leaps and bounds more "modren" than me and I came from a fairly progressive/financially stable background. Their expectations for vacations, lavishness of weddings, and just lifestyle is very different than my own. At the same time, I have cousins that married lower middle class families in pakistan and that tended to cause problems--with thinking and financial spending/expectations.
There are exceptions but the marriages that have worked out best for my friends/family are the ones where people in the west got married to others in the west, particularly if they were girls.
Your classification of middle class will also work here. Just keep education as a barometer especially for the women of the family. Sometimes even in super 'modern' families this inequality exists and even my grandmother has an MS degree so an uneducated Mil is super abnormal in middle class in this day and age. Don't let the woh zamana was different for girls talk fool your parents.
Also do look at the extended family. In Pakistani families the extended lot can be wildly different yet completely involved so you might have liberal in laws but their close ones could have different attitudes that mess with your lifestyle. Same caution to be applied if the family has a rural background.
what class and status got to do with rishtas. education and decency trumps every shortcomings in a person in relation to his background, Khaandaan, staus, class etc.
an decent educated and broadminded person from a weaker section of the society and with poor background is far superior than an uneducated rich or an obnoxious person from the social elite.
theres no shortage of good guys at every class level. I just don't want to end up with a family that has living standards much different to mine. I just don't understand how you turned my question about class to one about picking between class and a shareef guy. Why the implicit assumption?
I dont think you are comparing it right because the barometer with which u are trying to messure equality is incorrect.
It doesn't matter what car he has in his driveway today, it matters what car he plans of owning tomorrow. If you chose him on his middle class situation today and later understand its the same thing he wanted to get rid off while u on the other hand find it a comfortable spot, it will be a problem due to difference of opinion. Your minds should match Cuz thats what will help u make future decisions not ur current situation.
I would ideally compare yourself & a potential rishta this way:
Education: where did he study? What did he study? Was it on a scholarship (plus points if he did or at least tried to apply for one) What are his ambitions to study further?
Family: parents qualification? Does the mom work? If yes, out of need to support or by choice? What do most women in his extended family do? What qualifications and jobs does his cousins have? If possible ask if they are in good terms with everyone in the family (where there is usually drama you know jobless women are present there). Followed by questions about his relationship with parents & siblings
Personal questions: is he into traveling? Reading? How often does he dine out? Fav restaurant? (If he says red apple ka roll you are safe but if he says cafe flo maybe he isnt ur type) What are his views on designer labels like LV/Gucci and all? What would his favorite car be..does he dream of owning it one day? Who are his closest friends and where are they in life right now? Is he into gaming, sports, gyming etc? How would his ideal wedding be? Does he consider he has enough in life or would he want to achieve more (check how ambitious/thankless or thankful he is with this question)? Which country does he see himself in 5 yrs and doing what?
Basically focus on questions about his day to day life so u can judge him in his habitat & ask a lot of future oriented questions because that would help u judge if he is ambitious or opportunistic.
Interesting, but what I have observed is, people are more materialistic nowadays. Only thing people care is "how big is your house", nobody cares for your education, how good you are....
So will the guy be moving to North America after the wedding? That will also be something to keep in mind as well if considering rishtas back home. It will take him time to get use to the way of life here.
I think looking at his family, at their values, the way they talk and what they talk about says a lot about a person. If their family matches yours then it will be a better fit. I would though advise you to also look at potential rishtas in America as well, because you might have more in common.