Bowler: (Vociferously)-HOWZAAAAAAAT???
Umpire: (Calmly)-Not bad. Better luck next time.
True incident before the Aus-Rest of the World series in 71.
Ackerman: (To elderly gentleman recieving him at the airport whom he had given his bag to carry): “Are you connected with the Australian board”?
Eld. gent: “Yes”
Ackerman: “Played any cricket?”
EG: “Yes”
Ackerman: “Test Cricket?”
EG: “Yes”
Ackerman: “Really? What’s your name?”
EG: Don Bradman
A slip fieldsman had a particularly depressing day during
which he dropped no less than ten catches all off the same
bowler. After the game he was talking to the bowler when
he broke off and looked at his watch. “I must go,” he said,
“I have a train to catch.” The bowler looked at him bitterly.
“Let’s hope you have better luck with that, then.”
Sunny Gavaskar and Farookh Engineer were walking out to open the
Indian innings in a Test Match. Engineer, who was quite
irrepressible, turned to Gavaskar on the way , and remarked
“Sunny. Don’t get out first ball. It’s a long way back to the
pavilion.” Engineer was dismissed first ball.
In a Test between India and the West Indies, the fiery Wes Hall
was sending quivers down the Indian spine. The new batsman walked
slowly to the crease, not feeling unlike a lamb at the slaughter
house. As the great bowler thundered in, suddenly he stood up in
the crease, and signalled that he wanted the sight screen
adjusted. Adjustments were made and the bowler was ready to come
in again. Once again, in the middle of his run-up, the batsman
found something disturbing in the sight screen. Indeed, this went
on a few times before the irritated umpire walked up to the
batsman and enquired , " Where do you want the sight screen, for
God’s sake?" The batsman asked, with an ounce of fear, "
Couldn’t I have between him and me?"
The standard of batting in the local side was very low. Even at
the net practice, they couldn’t hit a thing. Finally, the
captain rushed forward and grabbed the bat. ‘Now bowl me some
fast ones!’ he yelled. Six fast balls came down in quick
succession and the captain missed them all. Not to be put off
he glared at the team and shouted, ‘Now that’s what you’re all
doing. Get in there and hit them!’
Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I’ve got a cricket bat stuck in my ear.
Doctor: “How’s that?” Patient: “Don’t you start.”