How do you do that? If there is a child that is a bad influence on your children - do you simply tell your child that they are not allowed to play with them? Or do you create distance intentiaonlly without letting your child know.
How much do you as a parent or caregiver influence who your child interacts and builds relationships with?
Re: Choosing your children's friends
Great thread.
OK, so with my older one, this is a current issue. She's 8 and can understand what is good and what is bad. With my almost 5 year old, this isn't even a problem yet as she isn't "attached" to any one friend.
My take on this is that first you try to explain to your child why a certain behavior is wrong and the consequences of that behavior without saying that the "friend" is bad...the focus should be on the behavior, but if the influence is very negative, I will make every effort to keep the child away from my kid.
I like to check out the family if my child is invited to a private birthday party from a school friend and only if I feel comfortable to I allow her to go. She's been OK with it so far as we've let her go 9/10 times. Then come the neighborhood kids who may not be in her class or school as they are older or younger. I know all their parents so again, it's easy for me to see who she's hanging out with.
However, I believe that the kids need to explore and learn to make mistakes a bit. They know how to resolve issues mostly and it's part of their learning process. I cannot control everything and should not as it'll make them weak. All I can really do is provide guidelines and give examples from my own childhood.
Re: Choosing your children's friends
I am avoiding this particular mother like a plague these days. I am very cordial to her when we meet at friends that we have in common however I don't want my older daughter to hang out with her daughter. Her daughter seems obsessed with boys, makeup and clothes and I just don't want that influence on my child. So I am trying to create some distance.
I don't know whether I should be blunt enough with my daughter and say "she can't be your friend" or just take it upon myself to create the distance and hope that she forgets about it.
Sooner or later she will have decide for herself what is right and what is wrong.
Re: Choosing your children's friends
When you know there is a conflict of interest, you can talk to your daughter by distracting her from this friend.
Re: Choosing your children's friends
I am avoiding this particular mother like a plague these days. I am very cordial to her when we meet at friends that we have in common however I don't want my older daughter to hang out with her daughter. Her daughter seems obsessed with boys, makeup and clothes and I just don't want that influence on my child. So I am trying to create some distance.
I don't know whether I should be blunt enough with my daughter and say "she can't be your friend" or just take it upon myself to create the distance and hope that she forgets about it.
Sooner or later she will have decide for herself what is right and what is wrong.
I have the same problem here. I am looking for helpful comments and advice too x
Re: Choosing your children's friends
maybe we should write to dear abby instead.
Re: Choosing your children's friends
You guys, I am so glad that this isn't an issue for us yet. How do you deal with these things? It terrifies me that I'm raising a girl, I don't know how they work. They are so delicate and sensitive. I am dreading the day she gets her feelings hurt in school or whatever, girls of all ages can be so cruel. I hope you guys (Nik and njgal) are around GS in 4-5 years because I will need LOTS of help.
My poor laddoo told me the other day how her friends at school say she's too little and even though she didn't think anything of it, I got so mad that I wanted to go kick some toddler ass.
Re: Choosing your children's friends
girls of all ages can be so cruel. I
so true!
I used to cry when children were mean to my children. You'll get stronger as she does with time.
That's when the father daughter relationship is best.
The other day, I saw the funniest thing. My older one was crying because someone hit her.
My husband instead of hugging her, told her to say with authority and looking straight in his eyes."HEY - don't you EVER hit me again". They practiced a few times together. She was fine after that.
Re: Choosing your children's friends
Dad's are the best with this because they don't care a damn about what anyone thinks when it comes to their little girls.
Re: Choosing your children's friends
based on the behavior of the 'naughty' friend and our family terms with his/her family, I may just stop my kid to be associating with that kid or if the kid's family is part of our social circle, would talk to the parents to keep the kid away from my kid.
Re: Choosing your children's friends
See what I mean...tell the parents to keep their kid away from my kid :D
How exactly can you do that with your good friend TLK?
Re: Choosing your children's friends
How exactly can you do that with your good friend TLK?
When it comes to the emotional security of my daughter, I have no good friends.
The way I see it, when I work so hard to safeguard her emotions and feelings, I am not going to allow a tom dick or harry (or their kid) to come and hurt it. They dont worth enough.
Ok maybe I may not talk to them but I will keep my kid away so much from their kid that they will get the message.
Re: Choosing your children's friends
What if their parents keep asking for playdates...how many times do you come up with excuses?
Re: Choosing your children's friends
What if their parents keep asking for playdates...how many times do you come up with excuses?
I would come up with some permanent excuse I guess.
Re: Choosing your children's friends
^ we are moving to Texas but don't actually move
Re: Choosing your children's friends
haahaaa :D
njgal, the one particular child my husband is talking of is the kid of a VERY close family friend that we meet quite often. They live very closeby.
Re: Choosing your children’s friends
my issue is that I can create the distance AND tell my daughter not to play with her AND my daughter will tomorrow go in school and say to her
“my mom said I can’t play with you because you lack the right values” 
Re: Choosing your children's friends
^^ Awesome :D
I love these little righteous little women we're raising :D