I was reading something online about choosing the right one to marry, and thought I should share it with you all since so many people here seem to be getting into unwanted marriages these days. It is wedding season, so be wise and rational while making decisions and above all, dont give in to family pressure, do what your heart tells you is right! 
Choosing the Right One
By Idris Tawfiq British Writer and Speaker
Has romance disappeared? Well, it may have disappeared to a large extent in many Western societies where divorce and marriage breakdown figures are really high. In such societies where having different boyfriends or girlfriends is part of the normal run of things, finding true love that will last is quite difficult. The figures speak for themselves. But what about the Muslim world? It is true that the Western media outlets portray Muslim marriage in pretty much the same way as they portray anything else Muslim, isnât it? In other words, not in a very flattering light. They talk about forced marriages or wife beating, forgetting that this is not the norm and it is not what Islam teaches. They donât show all the Muslim young men and women who have such a high regard for marriage and look forward in a very romantic way to the day they will meet the right person, get married, and settle down together for the rest of their lives. Nor do they show all the Muslim husbands and wives who have been together for so long, actually growing in love and respect for each other the longer they are together. So, no, romance hasnât disappeared.
Good Looks Arenât Forever
But how do you know when you have chosen the right person? How do you know that this is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? How do you know that your marriage is going to succeed and not break down, like so many of the marriages around you? If your parentsâ marriage ended in divorce, what is to stop your marriage ending up the same way? And if your parents have been happily married for years, how can yours be like that? Thereâs lots of questions, but important ones.
Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) gave some advice about choosing a wife:
A woman may be married for four things: for her wealth, for her noble descent, for her beauty or for her religion. Choose the one who is religious, lest your hands be rubbed with dust! (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
A young man or a young woman, then, needs to choose very carefully who their lifeâs partner is going to be. A future husband or wife will also be the father or the mother of your children. Your spouse will be the one in whom you confide everything, the one who looks after the family home or who provides food for the family table.
If it is good looks we are going to base our choice upon, well, good looks often change with time. Perhaps this is why so many marriages in the West end in divorce. If the marriage takes place because of a physical attraction, the one you are attracted to will not always look that way. They will get old or put on weight or get ill, no longer looking how they once used to. What happens then, when the physical attraction has gone?
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) is very wise. He is quite realistic and knows that physical attraction is very important. For example, Al-Mughirah ibn Shuâbah said, âI got engaged to a woman at the time of the Prophet. He asked me, âHave you seen her?â I said, âNo.â He said, âGo and have a look at her, because it is more fitting that love and compatibility be established between you.ââ (An-Nasaâi)
Knowing the Right One
Young Muslims donât want to find themselves in a marriage with someone they find unattractive. In choosing a future partner, then, this is important. But the Prophet knows, too, that physical attraction is not everything. The most important quality in a future spouse (the one you are to marry) is their piety. In other words, that they are good Muslims. If the two of you are good Muslims, faithful to prayer, and determined to commit yourselves to each other and to the family you will raise together, then this marriage has a good chance of succeeding. It wonât be based only on looks but will have a firmer base.
It stands to reason that someone who has looked forward to marriage with a religious attitude, believing that this marriage will complete their deen and make them whole in the sight of Allah, will take the marriage very seriously, doesnât it? Such people try to please their husbands or their wives, rather than just trying to please themselves. They look for common ground together. As Muslims, they live their lives in the presence of Allah and do everything they can to please him. Where there is give and take in a marriage, the marriage has a chance of success. Where the partners believe they are serving Almighty Allah in all that they do and say, then these same partners will look upon each other as gifts. And in such a marriage, in shaâ Allah, the bond between them will grow stronger and stronger as time goes on.
So how do you know you have chosen the right one? Well, it will feel right. If right from the start you donât feel comfortable with this person, then maybe this person is not the one for you. You might feel that, with time, you can see a bright future together. Do you have the same expectations from the marriage? Are you both looking forward to having children and to establishing a home together? These things need to be talked through, somehow, so that you both know what you are expecting. Take advice, too, from your parents and from close friends. Listen as well to wise Muslims in the community, who can speak to you at a distance removed from either family, telling you what Islam says about love and marriage.
Donât Just Jump Right In!
It is most important, too, not to just jump at the first one who comes along! You are keen to be married, yes, but you have waited all this time, so wait just a bit longer so you can be sure. Do you want a marriage, or do you want a good marriage? Do you just want a wife or a husband, or do want a wife or a husband you can delight in and be proud of? Remember that this person will be the father or the mother of your children. He or she will be the one you will care for, for the rest of your life. So just take a little bit more time. Pray a lot about it. Yes, pray. You might be so keen to marry that prayer seems the last thing on your mind, but ask Almighty Allah to send the right person into your life. And, when you have settled down together, continue to ask Allah to give you both the strength to love and support one another through good and bad times.
And so, when you are both old and grey, with grandchildren playing at your feet, you will be able to look back on a good marriage, a happy marriage, in shaâ Allah, and you will both be able to thank Allah that you did wait for the right one to come along! On that day, people will look at you and wish that they, too, could be blessed with such a happy marriage.
thnx for sharingâŚ