So its just been a year into our marriage but whenever we talk about kids in any random conversation, my husband & I seem to be on the same page that we dont want kids.
We dated for a long time before getting married so MashAllah our understanding with each other is really good and we genuinely like spending quality time with each other therefore whenever the ‘child’ topic comes up, a child to us seems a kind of an inconvenience that will be caused in our relationship. We do like kids but when they are others, not fond of the idea of having our own!
Also, I have always had in my mind to adopt a child if & when i ever decide on having a kid because to me it seems a Lil unfair that people are popping kids and bringing children into this already twisted world while there are millions everyday sleeping in orphanages or on the streets..just because they want their own flesh & blood..I just dont get that (obviously that’s my point of view so pls don’t jump on me because I said something so against desi beliefs)
Anyhow I have a few questions for people that have taken such a path in life..
Are you someone who has/had/know of anyone who has early on planned not to have a child?
If yes, are you/they happy with their decision or looking back it has become a regret?
Well I'd say that you are both still young and so is your marriage (even if you have been dating for a long time), so whilst right now you may feel complete and content with just the two of you, that may change in the future. I wouldn't rule anything out and I think you should both be open to reconsidering later down the line. People change, relationships change.
As for the rest, I do understand that when you get on so well with your spouse, one does not necessarily want that dynamic or lifestyle to change.
I know several couples (1 being my khala/khalu) who never had children. The couples I'm referring to are well into their 40's/50's. I don't know the exact reasons behind them not having children....I never felt the need to find out whether it was their choice or infertility played a role. These couples never adopted so part of me thinks perhaps it was a choice. I know with my khala, she never seemed like the maternal type to me....I remember when I was a child, she always seemed awkward around me (ie. as in she didn't know what to do/say around me lol).
Anyway, being around my khala and these other couples, I've never heard or seen anything that leads me to believe that they regret it. They're all well off financially, are involved in various volunteer activities, and travel a lot.
You're only 27 so you have plenty of time before you need to worry about this. I say keep enjoying life for now. Once you get to 33/34.....at that point really think about whether or not you want kids.
BTW, I doubt you'll get much help with this in a Pakistani forum. If you google "childless by choice" or similar terms, a lot of articles/forums will pop up showing you that you're not alone. :)
I was the exact same way...and then I got preggo...and everything changed...lol
In all seriousness, its too soon to be worried about all of this. When you're ready to have a baby, you can figure out how you want to become a parent...adoption, pregnancy, etc.
i know few couples who couldn't have kids but they do yearn for having one. 2 couples i know have adopted, others have not for reasons i am not aware of. Don't know anyone who have opted not to have child by choice.
though i know of some couples who have opted to have only one child and not more. My own sister and BIL restricts to one daughter and opted not to have more children .
Dont know of anyone who decided not to have kids. Two couples I know about from out of family who dont have kids. One for medical reasons & for other one I dont know the reason. Both the couples are content without any children of their own or adopted.
If you think having kids may negatively affect your own relationship, it is better to have them when you both are mentally comfortable to do so.
You guys still have loads of time to make up your mind for either option. Enjoy life and set a date to venture into it again (like your 34th birthday or something). If both of you are of one mind then good for you. And maybe when you guys hit 40 discuss adoption. If your priorities are the same then be grateful. Just do remain flexible if one of you guys flips opinions.
I know of 2 desi couples . But in both cases one partner did not want kids. In the first case it was the husband who did not want kids and he gave in and after 13 years of marriage he gave in and they had a daughter and he loved her very much but he did not want any more and was firm on that.
The other case, the woman does not want kids, she is married to a guy who is divorced and already has a son who lives with is mom in another state so he does want kids but he dies not pressure her too much. She slowly became ok towards having a child if it happened but she faced some infertility issues and she did not get treatment saying she was not maternal anyway. They are going ok so far.
Welcome to the "Childless by Choice" club, Shimmerv! We are one of those couples, however, it looks like it's going to change. DH is starting to want a child while I am still uncomfortable with the idea. I don't feel the need yet and I am not ready. Or I should say I am as ready as I will ever be. It has never been a problem so far. Now that he wants a child, I have to rethink my future plans. I will never deny him a child. To me, that's cruel but that also means I will have to face a lot of sh** I don't want to. Just another compromise in life.
Welcome to the "Childless by Choice" club, Shimmerv! We are one of those couples, however, it looks like it's going to change. DH is starting to want a child while I am still uncomfortable with the idea. I don't feel the need yet and I am not ready. Or I should say I am as ready as I will ever be. It has never been a problem so far. Now that he wants a child, I have to rethink my future plans. I will never deny him a child. To me, that's cruel but that also means I will have to face a lot of sh** I don't want to. Just another compromise in life.
You make it sound so depressing that having a child is almost the end of the world. Im sure if your hubby supports you there wont be the need to deal with crap :) as long as you two are on the same page
As for OP, i wouldnt rule kids out completley. I would always say even if i have one child that would be enough! It seems uneasy for me to think i have no family of my own, but again its your choice if its something youre both happy with go with the flow, as a few people said when you get to your mid 30's you may think about it more
Welcome to the "Childless by Choice" club, Shimmerv! We are one of those couples, however, it looks like it's going to change. DH is starting to want a child while I am still uncomfortable with the idea. I don't feel the need yet and I am not ready. Or I should say I am as ready as I will ever be. It has never been a problem so far. Now that he wants a child, I have to rethink my future plans. I will never deny him a child. To me, that's cruel but that also means I will have to face a lot of sh** I don't want to. Just another compromise in life.
(obviously that’s my point of view so pls don’t jump on me because I said something so against desi beliefs)