Leaving ur kids at home and working… is it even a choice? Isnt it sometimes circumstances that make a woman step outta her designated housewife role and work? Leaving her kids in the care of babysitters and working strenous shifts to make ends meet?
when my family migrated to OZ about 19 odd years ago, my dad was studying and teaching and barely had money to support 3 children and a wife.. in pakistan it was a different story, where the uni dad taught at, provided us with accommodation and education… but moving to a different country, u realise its not at all the same..
at the time my mum started working, i was about 6 and my youngest sibling was less than a year.. there were at least another 6-7 pakistani women who worked alongside my mum to help their husbands run the fam… and left lil rugrats at home or with babysitters..
these days, some people throw fits when they hear about a woman with infants working.. they claim that kids arent going to grow up right, they wont get the same love and attention one needs as a kid.. but really… its all to do with balance.. no?
and YES these were pakistani women.. not western raised princesses (hehe) who went out to work…
sadzzz you can't balance 1 year old infants. It's a 24/7 commitment. But hey if some people think that good parenting involves dropping your toddler at a day care at 6 am and then picking them up 14 hours later in time for a bed time story, then good for them. It's all about priorities.
^ it has every thing to do with the balance. it's about quality time spending with ur kids not how much time u r spending with ur kids. my mom didnt work when my dad was mid east as everything was paid for by the company, but here in canada she has to help out my dad. and she balances it beautifully.
sorry I don't buy that. Keep in mind I am referring to childen the age of 3 or under. They don't understand balance. All they know is that mommy is not there. And mommy maybe a super woman but there is nothing she can do to make up for HER absence.
skhan i really dont agree... my sister didnt knwo till she was about 7 that she ever got left at the babysitters... and shes grown up to a pretty arrite kid (besides the normal 18 yr old tantrumss
its not always ur choice to work.. sometimes to make a proper living.. to put food in ur kids tummy, u do need to work.. ur husband cant always be the one supporting... he needs a hand too
neways, what would u say about fathers not being around... as the male is supposed to be providing the financial support, but lets say his occupation keeps him away for months.. and he doesnt see his children growing up.. do they not feel his absence?
Like I said its about priorities. If you’re going to die from hunger if you don’t go to work then fine. Then again, such a situation begs the question, why the baby? Still, it’s a free world, make all the babies you want but just don’t think you’re the best parents out there because you’re not.
Sadzzz, I am not saying exceptions don’t exist, I am sure they do like your cousin. I just don’t think it’s the best way to go about it unless its absolutely necessary. You might be lucky and your child could be none the wiser, but sometimes things don’t always work out that way.
Regarding the father, definitely his absence will be felt. Someone has to be the breadwinner and usually its the father. If it’s the other way around, then the same applies to him.
^ skhan... ur taking it to extremes... u dont always know ur circumstances.. one day your hubby could be wearning 100k a year.. and the next min he may lose his job.. why blame it on bad parenting??
i do understand ur reasoning for priorities.. but as im saying, sometimes u dont know ur luck… like my family’s case.. in Pak, we were doing fine on one persons pay.. but migrating to a new place requires change and does cause drawbacks.. its just normal..
the funny thing is, when my mum talks about the time she started to work, she says had she had the “choice” she would not have worked.. but when she left the workplace she said had she had the “choice” she’d work for another few years.. just to stay active.. its wierd ya know
^ If that's the situation then there is nothing that can be done about it. I was referring more to cases where either the child is born in poor financial conditions to begin with OR regardless of financial need the mother wants to work for the fun of it. That, IMO is poor parenting. Keep in mind we're talking for kids aged 4 and below. After that, I don't think both parents working is a big deal. Kids are in school anyway.
edit: haha, no I didn't mean your child, I was talking generally :)
Again, I may be taking it to extremes, but not every woman is afforded choice when it comes to marriage and child-bearing. Esp in a desi society, it’s everyone else’s decision when a woman gets married, and when she squeezes out the children. I personally don’t believe that women ** should ** work when their children are that young, if her husband can provide for her and his family. But if a woman has to, then who am I to comment on teh choices she’s making? I won’t work when my kids are young, and I’ll make sure that their father will be someone who can financially take care of them without my having to go out adn get a job as well.
^ Sara, as i said in earlier post.. u cant predict the financial position of ur hubby… do not rely on the fact that just cus he has a hi-fi job one day.. that hes gonna be able to provide for u for all the years to come.. along with the kids u both produce… circumstances change… u may have to start working while ur kid aint even 1…
I want to get a job, I watn to make decent money. When I have itty bitty kids I dont want to leave them, I dont think I will even be emotionally able to, so even if hubby lost his job or wahtever, then I'll still have some money for rainy days. This doesn't just apply to the particular scenario we're talking about here, just any thing that can happen, u shud be prepared. I will rely on my husband for however long he can provide, becoz that 's how I was raised. By provide i mean all basic necessities are easily provided for...no trouble paying bills, getting groceries, saving for education, etc. Fancy trips and designer clothes and jewelry can wait.
However, if smethign should happen, God forbid, theN I would gladly go back to work and support my family. I don't think the "breadwinner" role is just for men. Anyway, I'm just saying how I would react in a certain situation, and the way I want things to be for me in the future...yeah my priorities may change, heck they've changed from just three months ago, so who knows..i c ur point i hope u c mine even tho i tink ive gone way offtopic
Like Sara says, not all woman are fortunate enough to have the choice of staying at home with their children. I've worked since my son was born and that decision is dictatated by finances rather than any commitment to my job.
In an ideal situation, of course I would give up my job in a second and stay at home but for the meantime it's no an option but I do feel (or hope ) that my working wouldn't affect what kind of person my son grows up to.
I feel so lucky, I go to work when my girls are asleep.
Get home and sleep while they are at school and then get to spend the leftover hours of the day with then before they go back to sleep and me off to work.
Both of my sisters have worked and had children, and are still working. Luckily they had family to help them with the raising of their kids, along with their dads. They are out of the house 8:00 till 5:00.
Their kids are just as normal as any other kids with mothers at home.
I on the other hand can stay at home as my financial situation is different which is why I am at home at the moment.
The quality of care also makes a big difference.
I think the guardian has a big role to play too. if they are family there are more chances that the baby will be at ease and not miss the mother too much.
However if it is nurseries, well I have seen enough sick documentaries which have deterred me from sending any of mine to a nursery. Not all however.
Suroor I agree when you say it is quality time, not quantity.
You know I `m hearing alot about how women should stay at home with babies and stuff, fair enough. But have any of you guys heard of Post Natal depression? In this state women can actually harm their babies, so I think it is best if they did go out and work, cuz being at home with no intellectual challenge an be pretty depressing, especially for women who have left their careers.
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