Whats the big difference that occurs between couples when they have their first child
In terms of the couples relationship.
Less sleep.
Re: Children
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*Originally posted by hmcq: *
Whats the big difference that occurs between couples when they have their first child
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the husband fights for attention. lol
I'm not speaking from personal experience but i've seen/heard your primary goal changes from being happy and taking care of your spouse to the baby...and everything else in your life takes 2nd place after the baby. it can be a hard shift.
According to some books the following may happen:
1- Majority of the couples feel more connected, they get closer , feel more relaxed (even more where applicable), and the sex eventually gets better.
2- The guy wants to be dominated. Whether it is some psychological need to struggle for his place or something else... but it is a fact.
3- Initial Phase is difficult. relationship could suffer if both are a bit naive or downright stupid, because she gets connected to the baby sooner than him so she has to work on it really hard to give them more time and trust him with the baby.
But then real life could be different for different people I assume.
Hmcq, are you getting married soon or something? Congrats in advance dude! Explains the threads.
:)
Lol I post a few threads here and everyones asking me if I am getting married. No I am not ... just thot I would see what people think.
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*Originally posted by shahreen: *
Less sleep.
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u are right :(
well in sociological point of view…u go from being a dyad (two ppl) to a triad( three ppl) and triads are supposedly stronger because it allows for each person to split their attention between the other two…whereas in a dyad u only focus on each other which can cause uneasiness and tension…so supposedly triads are better but they dont always work
I dunno if ne of what i said makes sense but i tried 
So a triad allows for more sharing of sorts? But that assumes that people like sharing and are not out to get the most for themselves?
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*Originally posted by hmcq: *
So a triad allows for more sharing of sorts? But that assumes that people like sharing and are not out to get the most for themselves?
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Yes hmcq... because we are talking about relationships here..... and they are somehow stronger when people aren't afraid to expose their weaknesses around their parteners.
If it was a work relationship , we'd probably be assuming that this was not a good thing.
Yeah but a triad with parents a kid I dont think is one where people expose their weeknesses I would imagine and hence may actually be weaker?
Well , it is a mere assumption that this family triad should be weaker. In a healthy envoironment where noone is perfect, all relationship work better when people are more relaxed, whether you think about it from a psychological or sociological point of view (the latter explained by larki P).
And what is this thing about " people are not out to get more for themselves"... could you not eloborate a little.... 'cause now I am thinking that i probably did not understand you better.
hmmm lets see... if each person is trying to maximize their happiness (of course breaking it down to just one dimension like this is not very accurate compared to real life, but by happiness I mean overall well been)... then wont they do the things that would help them to increase this value of happiness. Now if happiness is based on the use of or the gaining of something in the world (eg someones attention, money etc), then by maximizing their own happiness they will probably be taking away from someone else.
So it was basically that people act individually fiirst and then as a group.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by hmcq: *
So a triad allows for more sharing of sorts? But that assumes that people like sharing and are not out to get the most for themselves?
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It doesn't rele mean sharing....its just the natural focus of your attention....before the child would simply be on your spouse...and like i said sometimes the lack of a diversion (not to say that a baby is merely a diversion but u know what i mean) and constant scrutiny from the significant other can cause tension and friction...so supposedly, with the birth of a child...the couple is able focus on the child and not be so scrutinizing of each other..well.....this is what they taught me in sociology...
And this is exactly what you see and notice in everyday life.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by hmcq: *
hmmm lets see... if each person is trying to maximize their happiness (of course breaking it down to just one dimension like this is not very accurate compared to real life, but by happiness I mean overall well been)... then wont they do the things that would help them to increase this value of happiness. Now if happiness is based on the use of or the gaining of something in the world (eg someones attention, money etc), then by maximizing their own happiness they will probably be taking away from someone else.
So it was basically that people act individually fiirst and then as a group.
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Dear.... I am a moron and your theories are beyond me.
Let's worry about getting married in the right age group first and then start thinking about teh aftermath of the first child.
People who are trying to plan every little thing in advance lose half teh fun before it happens.
ya im agree with super_ego :)
Let's worry about getting married in the right age group first and then start thinking about after marriage things. first thing first ;)
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*Originally posted by larki_punjaban: *
It doesn't rele mean sharing....its just the natural focus of your attention....before the child would simply be on your spouse...and like i said sometimes the lack of a diversion (not to say that a baby is merely a diversion but u know what i mean) and constant scrutiny from the significant other can cause tension and friction...so supposedly, with the birth of a child...the couple is able focus on the child and not be so scrutinizing of each other..well.....this is what they taught me in sociology...
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Actually I don't agree fully with that. When the baby is born (as LP put it) the constant monitoring lessens. And you fell more relaxed. So then you try to maximize happiness. But in this case happiness is not a specific quantity that if you get it then the other won't. You actually feel happier sometimes if you make you child or wife happy. And when that person notices that they try to reciprocate, and over time it grows like there's no tomorrow. So there...