I know of 2 guppies married to non-desis and I know they are great parents. Now that we’re expecting a new addition to our family by the end of the year, my old fears about my child’s identity are arising. Will he/she have issues? My husband is very relaxed about this and thinks the baby will not have issues especially with the world we live in. I identify strongly with being a Pakistani Muslim…what do I tell my child? You’re a child of God? 
He/she will be Muslim but what about her surname which will be hubby’s? *sigh And the two families he/she will have to interact with - my family and hubby’s…both families are easy-going and will love the child but there are natural differences…I really don’t want a confused child 
Re: Children of mixed parents
I think it is going to work out just fine. I know plenty of mixed kids and mostly, they don’t seem to have any identity problems. Is your hubby a convert? Or do you have a mutual agreement that the child will be raised in the Muslim faith?
Re: Children of mixed parents
He’s a ‘convert’. 
We agreed prior to getting married that our children would be raised Muslim, so that’s something taken care of.
But how do these kids you know identify themselves in terms of their race and cultural identity? 
Re: Children of mixed parents
The people I know personally are mostly with a Muslim father and a Convert Mother. I would divide them into two groups. Group 1 (mostly guys, from what I’ve seen) usually tend to identity them with their fathers race and cultural. I’ve seen this happen even in cases where the father is absent. Group 2 (mostly girls) usually identify themselve as “mixed” and tend to mix the things they like from both cultures etc. These kids normally are the once where christmas and Eid go hand-in-hand :). My SIL is of mix background. Her father is arab while her mother is a convert Muslim of Italian background. I think my SIL is one of the few girls I know who identify herself more with the arab culture vs. Italian, but I think that is probably due to the fact that her mother is a practicing convert and very fascinated with the arabic culture.
Re: Children of mixed parents
Regardless of how they identify themselves, I would not classify them as “confused” in any way. I would actually say I know more “full blood” desi kids, who are way more confused. My advice to you is not to worry too much 
Re: Children of mixed parents
Thanks Arzi, puts some of my concerns at rest It will all depend on baby what she tends towards - I will try not to be a forceful, controlling mother and to find her own way - under my watchful guidance ofcourse. I just feel so protective already, that people will sway and influence her in a way I don’t want her to be. We live in a beachside town and hubs loves being out in the sea…with such an outdoorsy lifestyle, how will she maintain her sharam and haya 
I am already warning hubs that she will be wearing full swimsuits. He just rolls his eyes because to him it’s what he grew up with…and wearing beach clothes is not sexy or something to be sharminda about. Grrr I see long battles ahead of us… *sigh
Re: Children of mixed parents
Nobody said it was going to be easy, right? You knew that already.
The more of a “big deal” you make it the more it will impact your child.
I’ve grown up with mixed marriages and children and I’ve found that those kids who saw practising parents were least likely to be confused. If you are, in fact, a Muslim couple then behave like one and the issue of race will vanish on its own.
Re: Children of mixed parents
In this day and age, is it even a issue? I agree with your hubby. We have moved far away from traditional naming conventions and looks. I don’t think it will be an issue.
In terms of religion, if both parents are practicing at the same level of one religion, it will be easier for kids. However that is not even the case for same culture, religion marriages.
Even for couple with the same background there are differences in opinion about hijaab, eating zabihah and zakat etc. Children are resileent. They will find their own niche.
Re: Children of mixed parents
I’m mixed. My dad is non desi, but Muslim. I’ve always been more attracted to my desi side.
I agree with what Arzi said
Re: Children of mixed parents
^ why is that, wendy? just curious what inclines you more towards your desi side. is it as simple as lack of exposure to your dad’s culture/traditions? only if you feel comfortable discussing it, of course
catty: like someone here said, kids are resilient, wiser and more insightful than we give them credit for, and not easily confused. i remember my cousin telling me how “confusing” it would be for my son to learn multiple languages and how she could never do that to her kids. well, that’s the dumbest thing i’d ever heard lol. my kiddo is now starting to speak, and already understands, english and urdu both. hungarian will soon follow. kids will deal with whatever you throw their way better than most adults will. they’re flexible and quick to learn. the more cultures, the better, i say. bring it on! i also see more confusion amongst the newer desi generation than i do with other mixed kids- maybe things are harder in a black and white world (i.e. desi vs. not) and so they tend to act out more. i don’t know.
just remember that they are very much in charge of their own minds. you also can’t control every single choice they make- as much as you might want to! they will be who they will be. you do your best to teach them to manage their personalities and loyalties by exposing them to your culture and religion, and they will eventually decide which one they prefer, and inshaAllah they make the right choice. in the end, each kid has its own qismat mapped out. i’m a strong believer in this and while i’m not advocating sitting back and letting the chips fall where they may, i do think working yourself up into a panic won’t achieve anything. trust in Allah to do right by you and your offspring. you’re going to be a great mom! 
Re: Children of mixed parents
I agree! This is such a soft issue for me. If only I got a dime for everytime people told us we were confusing our son. It was so stressful, but at the end I decided to do things my way and if he got confused, I would just have to do something about that as well. Thankfully, my 6 year old is now fluent in 4 languages (almost 5) and not the sligtest confused.