Re: Children/kids at wedding ughh
^ Idk, any of the weddings I've been to, security usually talk sto the parents/family member/wedding planner?, rather than the bride herself. No one expects a bride to go and discipline some crazy kid.
Re: Children/kids at wedding ughh
Omg, I don't get why people even want to bring their kids to weddings. I had an agreement with my parents that I was not stepping near any random wedding.
And then people would get annoyed if I didn't show up even if the card had Mr and Mrs only. Apparently by Pakistani standards a Mr and Mrs means unmarried children are part of the deal. My parents were told that by the hosts themselves. No wonder people turn up with a whole barat of people themselves because of this interpretation.
I do remember a wedding that had a bouncing Castle outside. No kid entered the hall at all even for the food. Even the teenagers disappeared. Excellent way to get rid of the surplus.
Re: Children/kids at wedding ughh
^ Idk, any of the weddings I've been to, security usually talk sto the parents/family member/wedding planner?, rather than the bride herself. No one expects a bride to go and discipline some crazy kid.
Yeah I thought that was weird, and probably an extreme example but regardless of whether they talk to the parents/family members of the bride and groom, it's kind of ridiculous that people let their kids run around like crazy. It ruins the entire ambiance, or it did for the few weddings I went to that were supposed to be ritzier than the norm. I'm fine with the well behaved ones but since you can't really do that, it's easier not to invite them. Then again, this is all a pipe dream since my parents lectured me on how that was super batameez and they won't ever do a "mr & mrs" only. And like I said, my in-laws kids would have to be invited in any case because of their relation to me and they're def probably the most unruly ones so...sigh.
Children/kids at wedding ughh
Perhaps in Pakistan people get offended if one invites Mr and Mrs only. I hope people in other parts of the world don't! If they do then it's really weird.
A Mr and Mrs invite is totally fine. I'll only invite kids to a wedding if their parents are close to me. For example, a friend's child. Not some random Aunty's grandchild. Sorry but yes.
People also need to realize that weddings are not cheap. At a hotel wedding, costs can go up to 60-80$ per head. If one has 3 kids, you're paying approx $200 more.
We are three siblings and my parents never brought us to any weddings if the card was a Mr and Mrs one.
As kids, my sisters created a ruckus at my mamu's wedding in Karachi by running around. It was horrible! She got scolded dozens of times during the wedding. Thankfully it was my mamu's wedding and not someone else's. I am sure people don't want kids running around and spoiling decor and decorum of the event.
People don't get offended about receiving a Mr and Mrs card. At least where I live!
I like what some posters said. Get a nanny or babysitter for that night, if not, don't attend. :) if the people getting married are important to you, I'm sure you can sacrifice one evening and attend the wedding while leaving ur kids with a babysitter/relative/friend.
Re: Children/kids at wedding ughh
Why are mr and mrs invites offensive? Makes no sense.
Re: Children/kids at wedding ughh
^ I agree- I don't understand that. As PP said, weddings in the west are per person, it's not a free for all, and paying for kids can add up very rapidly because even if the kids won't eat a full meal, the caterer will still count them as a "chair" in the space. Plus if it offends you as a parent, you don't have to attend. Do couples never do things without their kids or go on date nights ever? I find that hard to believe.
I'm sure if you are close enough to the couple, you will either make the effort to discipline your kids or you'll recognize their limitations and make alternative arrangements to leave them with a sitter.
Oh, and the PP who said the parents would prefer their kids with them? NOPE. This objection came up at my brother's wedding when we were finding sitters, and you know what, the parents were thrilled to get some time "off". The kids joined their parents for dinner but were scarce before and after then and everyone enjoyed themselves.
Re: Children/kids at wedding ughh
bouncy castle was the best idea i saw in one wedding. all parents were so happy that they could finally actually enjoy the event. All parents needs a break in my opinion and weddings, parties or other events should give them that break. So invite Mr and MRs or arrange somehting for the kids
Re: Children/kids at wedding ughh
I don't know why some people are annoyed... like if we aren't that good friends and i only invited Mr & Mrs (for instance work people or community random people), what's the big deal. I prefer a small wedding anyway... and people don't realize that in the West all these costs add up, and it's not like Pakistan where no one even cares for a head count. Anyway that being said ... i was wary of little kids because I remember in one wedding, these kids were eating and then they went up to the bride and ran around the stage ... in the midst of it all they got their greasy fingers all over bride's gharara... her poor dress had ghee etc stains all over. I mean if you are offended no one invited your kids, then perhaps never let them loose while eating around the bride.
Re: Children/kids at wedding ughh
So either Mr and Mrs or else babysitters n bouncy castle.
Re: Children/kids at wedding ughh
At my brothers wedding the little kids kept coming up behind my sister in law and pulling the beads attached to her dupatta. It was horrible. I kept telling her to give them a good slap but she's just too nice. Honestly if I did that when I was little my mother would of sliced me in half. But otherwise, kids are fun at parties haha. Maybe just write "if kids are left unattended they will be eaten" on the invitation?
Re: Children/kids at wedding ughh
Omg, I don't get why people even want to bring their kids to weddings....
Weddings are the leading cause of children. Maybe they bring children as an early warning system?
Re: Children/kids at wedding ughh
I do not think there is anything wrong with Mr. Mrs unless it's people from out of town with small kids. That would seem particularly inconsiderate, though understandable in many instances. You do what makes the most sense for you.
However I do think this is something we need to think about as a culture/society. When children are regularly excluded from our own socializing and important events, it can mean that they become unfamiliar with key traditions as well as how to behave/engage in certain settings, disconnected from the community, and more invested in socializing apart from us, just as we do apart from them. This is not the bride/groom's "fault" or "problem" especially given the expense of weddings and all the other priorities one must consider, but it's repercussions are real and significant for the community as a whole. If it's possible to avoid making this a common trend, we should.
Re: Children/kids at wedding ughh
^^ well said!
Re: Children/kids at wedding ughh
no one feels offended if its only MR.&Mrs.invite. At least i have not seen that.
so op if you think that the options for babysitters or bouncing castle can not work at your event, then just invite MR.&Mrs.
Re: Children/kids at wedding ughh
I do not think there is anything wrong with Mr. Mrs unless it's people from out of town with small kids. That would seem particularly inconsiderate, though understandable in many instances. You do what makes the most sense for you.
However I do think this is something we need to think about as a culture/society. When children are regularly excluded from our own socializing and important events, it can mean that they become unfamiliar with key traditions as well as how to behave/engage in certain settings, disconnected from the community, and more invested in socializing apart from us, just as we do apart from them. This is not the bride/groom's "fault" or "problem" especially given the expense of weddings and all the other priorities one must consider, but it's repercussions are real and significant for the community as a whole. If it's possible to avoid making this a common trend, we should.
This is actually what my parents' reasoning was for making sure we went to desi social events like weddings even if we didn't want to. So we could stay in touch with the community and understand traditions. BUT they also made sure that they were with us at all times during the event and we weren't allowed to run around like banshees and cause destruction everywhere we went. It's not the having kids there that's the problem--it's having MISBEHAVED kids whose parents think weddings/social functions are basically a way for them to have free babysitting for the event and let their kids turn the hotel/the wedding stage into their personal playground. Maybe the people in my community are particularly bad at controlling their kids but we've had kids sit on stage the ENTIRE time and photobomb the couple's photoshoot, run around like crazy outside into the street, ruin the dances, ruin the decorations, etc.
Children/kids at wedding ughh
I think kids have ample other opportunities to learn the culture and on how to behave. Like big dawats and masjid functions. Big kids (perhaps 7 and above) will better understand culture and taur tariqay at a wedding, as compared to a 3-4 yr old kid who just wants to run and around instead of sitting through a boring wedding where he doesn't understand any thing.
My personal experience: went to all desi events as a kid with parents and mom. Kitty parties, picnics, Eid dawats etc. Learnt how to behave and mingle with the desi crowd. Learnt about culture and tradition. Only went to weddings when us kids were invited as well, and parents only started bringing my siblings and I when we were old enough to understand and behave. I think this was after 1st or 2nd grade.
Re: Children/kids at wedding ughh
In Pakistan too, weddings say, Mr and Mrs only for guests that are a bit far removed from the bride and groom. Some people flout the rules others don't. And yes, that is true even for weddings in halls not just hotels in Pakistan. That said, people do get mad even if their kids don't get invited to parties, let alone weddings. When I have ladies only lunches, women proudly say that they bear the biggest burden of child rearing and never leave the kids with their dads as they are good little wives.
And date nights! Unless, they have family close by to care for the kids, a lot of desis in my circle ( people who have lived in the west for 15 plus years, not born and raised here), not have that concept and proudly say that they don't leave their kids with a sitter and go any where as a couple. They love their kids too much for that. There us even one lady here who lives with her 3 kids in an apartment and the husband has a business in Pakistan and visits them every 3-4 months but the kids stay in the couple's bedroom. According to the mom, their baby making days are over, so what's the need.