If you found out that a girl was sexually abused on a daily basis for years as a child, how would that change your views about her? Would you ever consider marrying someone like that?
What if you found out after marriage? Would you get mad for not being told before the marriage that you were getting a used package?
I wouldn't hold the girl responsible for what someone did to her. Thats stupidity.
I would have to get her to talk all thats built up inside her since childhood because its a process to unwine the filth she had to suffer.
She's innocent as I see it, it wasn't her fault at all and I would see her as pure. She isn't used neither damaged. Mortified and abused yes but not "used goods".
Yes, I would consider marrying her IF she is a person that I get along with.
Jitna Diya Sarkar Nay Mujko, Itni Meri Auqat Nahi, Yeh Saab Tumhara Karam Hai Aqa, Mujh Mein Aisi Koi Baat Nahin.
Love happens once . . .
this is serious topic! Unfortunatly I've noticed mostly from news that childabuse happens more often than we all know about, commonly the childabusers are from their own family members, friends, teachers, why because most ppl/kids stay silent and dont tell anyone about it. First of all I think if this went on for years professional help is needed there second its better to clear the cards, i mean to tell her future husband before marriage about it.
[This message has been edited by SADI (edited January 23, 2002).]
a "used package" doesn't really seem like the right description here. anybody who looks on a child victim in that way needs serious help.
i've never seen anybody who has been abused, or at least i don't know anyone who admits to it, so it's hard to say. i know i wouldn't hold it against them though. anybody getting married should know in advance.
Although it's less frequent boys are abused too. What would a girl feel about that?
500% with Coconut on this one....
Thats the pakistani culture.
I have to back up with coconut an mad.
If a girl was married and now is devorced, its a taboe to maarry her. pathetic
[quote]
Originally posted by Shirin:
Although it's less frequent boys are abused too. What would a girl feel about that?
[/quote]
I have the same question. It happens a lot in our country that little boys get raped by a man. I wonder how the victim (boy) feel in this case. Does he have to go through as much pain as a girl would?
Lost,
Why would anyone get mad at such a thing? Abused people whether boys or girls, grow out to be very timid and lack self-confidence and more often than not have psychological problems. It would be more fun in nurturing and grooming such a girl out of her shell and make her feel the world again. The husband would have to be more of a mentor in this case.
So what you wanted to See good has made you blind
And what you wanted to Be yours has made it Mine
So don't you lock up Something that you
Wanted to see fly
Hands are for shaking No not tying
I sure don't Mind a change But I fell on black Days
How would I know That this could be My fate
[quote]
Originally posted by Neera:
** I have the same question. It happens a lot in our country that little boys get raped by a man. I wonder how the victim (boy) feel in this case. Does he have to go through as much pain as a girl would?**
[/quote]
I am not sure, but i think it is harder for boys because they are less understand by fellow men. But girls on the other hand are emotional weaker. Sad and sick actually
"It would be more fun in nurturing and grooming such a girl out of her shell and make her feel the world again."
Wow...I never thought anyone, specially a guy(scratch, you're a guy right?), would think something like that. How many of you guys feel that way?
I mentioned that thing about being mad b/c a lot of desi's do see girls like this as "used good". So maybe IF the guy thinks this way, he might feel like that he was cheated. After all, he thought he was marrying a virgin and the truth wasn't revealed earlier.
Would you even want to know?
Someone here mentioned psychological problems. I always thought(and I hear/see) that guys prefered girls without any emotional "baggage". How many guys would be willing to marry(aka. put up with) someone who has clinical depression? What if you found out before marriage that she has attempted suicide...is on anti-depressants...wouldn't that change your mind? What if you found out afterwards?
I guess to sum it up, the q is would you even consider someone if you found out she had heavy "emotional baggage"?
PS: Yes boys can/are also abused. But I referred to girls here asking guys their opinion b/c being a girl myself, that's what matters to me.
This is a really heavy topic-
I think recovery can be helped by the right kind of partner. I have known men who have married women with such experiences, knowingly, and have made a good job of it. But it's not simple, and I have heard people accuse them as having married these woman as "a mission to save a soul". I say, why not?
But these women I know of also made an enormous effort themselves to resolve the issues, both with professional help and simply by working through it themselves. It wasn't easy. Their husbands were very supportive and loving throughout (I think all of them are great guys) and I think they themselves felt richly rewarded in the end.
Remember also that though sexual abuse can cause much suffering, there are also other types of abuse that do not "label" people so strongly but in my opinion should be considered just as bad, and their effects can be just as far reaching.
Labels are just labels. People are always people and they should come first on the list of priorities.