I recently heard about a case of a seemingly very normal man, good reputation, good job, married with children of his own, well known at his masjid, regular at all his prayers…but now serving time for child molestation. The child in this case was known well to him. Parents trusted their young boy with this person and sent him off to a “jamaat” which actually turned out to be time at a motel. The rest you can guess.
I’ve always been scared about sending my daughters away with anyone, anyone, forget about days, I’m hesitant about even a few hours. I have, and alhamdullilah no issues. But how do you make a judgement? Can you protect your child?
That is so sick...
We have talked about this issue.Although we do not have to leave ours with anyone at the moment,but we also know that it wont always be the case and it scares the hell out of me....
I have no idea how I can make a judgment or trust anyone with my child....:(
If you want to protect your child then you stay put.
I will not leave my child at birthday parties, sleepovers - or playdates even Sunday School. Where they go, I go. Except for school. Errands can wait, laundry can wait - everything else can wait. They are not allowed to play inside at a neighbors house.
90% of the time, most child molesters are a trusted member of the community and the family. infact there are many cases where they are fmaily itself.
It's sad that we have to be that paranoid but I am not taking any chances.
I am not going to trust anyone round here, even in Pakistan I would be reluctant because although I was long away from home at an early age… those times were different and fammily was much more powerfull nobody dared do anything…
But I wont take any chances at least not while my child was still young… and even at a later age thier ability would determine if they could spend time out or not.
Growing up, we weren't allowed any sleep overs or late night stays at even relatives houses. If one of my parents weren't there, we just couldn't stay. Not even at my Nani's if my mom wasn't there.
My parents were very very strict about it. I wasn't allowed to go to friends' places. Like njgal said, mostly child molesters are people we know, family or friends so I guess my parents just didn't trust anyone at all. My dad specially. We are three girls .
Thats cruciall too.. I could not help notice how girls are given much more consideration over boys. That said I reckon both genders probably get equal predators after them... It just in many peoples physche that girls are more vulnerable.
NEVER --- I REPEAT NEVER send your kids to other people home or leave your kids with someone else other than your siblings or parents.
My wife has shown this attitude and although sometimes it annoys me, initially we had our arguments on this (heated ones) but then whenever I come across any such story, I second her. According to her theory, there is not need to judge people if its ok to leave kids with them or not. She says it will be one mis judgement that can hurt for the rest of life so she take not chances with this.
A lot of you are saying child shouldn't be allowed to sleepover but what if someone is visiting/staying over? Someone close, a family member/relative? I know someone who was molested by her mamu(blood brother of her mother). I think children should be supervised even if they're with family. A lot of desi parents only feel cautious when their kids are with friends or strangers. Sadly, that's not enough! You really have to keep an eye on their company at all times.
I think you need to educate your children as well, some of these abuse cases go on for years and you end up thinking why the hell didnt the child speak up. Sometimes the child has been threatend not to tell, this is the hardest one as the child knows it's wrong what is been done but is too scared to tell, I think you always need to reassure your children that they can tell you anything and always make them believe you can protect them from everything.
I remember reading about a case where the girl had no idea what was been done to her, she had no knowledge of sex so she had no idea what her uncle was doing was wrong. You need to at least teach children that been touched in certain places is wrong and that you should tell mom and dad if anyone does it.
My brother and his wife live abroad and I only met my neice the first time when she was 3 years old, we were playing together and I tapped her on the bum, she got up and ran to her mom (who was in the same room) and wispered in her ear. She had told her mom that I touched her, her mom laughed and told her I was only playing and it was ok for me to do that. My sis in law had told her that only mommy and daddy were allowed to touch her there and only when helping her wash or go to the toilet. I think something like that is enough when there very young and then you can explain more when they get older.
You can never protect your children from everything, you just need to make sure they know what is right a wrong.
I am feeling this creepy paranoia but as the saying goes better safe than sorry.
Also perhaps it’s wise to teach children never to leave saftey as well, luring children has always been easy, but if a child is determined to hold onto mum or dad all the better in such situations.
Well I'm not a parent and the more I look at this world the more I feel like never having children! I remember getting the talk at around 7-8 years old, my mom explained everything but not in a graphic sex way, in a biology lesson sort of way. I cant really remember anything specific about molestation but I can always remember knowing that no-one was allowed to touch me in a sexual way.