Some serious questions , will appreciate your advise..
what aged child is best for adoption? Most people say adopt a baby rather then a 7 year old since its easier to mold the child and gain acceptance in his/her life …
how long does it take to attain full acceptance on both sides .. parents towards the child and the child towards the parents .. ( keeping in mind that the child is 5+ years in age) … some people told me it takes a good 15 months and above …
Thanks 
Re: Child adoption ..
I know people always suggest newborns and maybe they are right too, but I feel so bad for kids a lil older , I mean a 5 year old or even older kid is still a kid.. I think it's a bit unfair that they don't get a chance to get a better life just because they grew up a little.
This issue is still cooking in my mind and I have not yet formed a single opinion....I tilt every now and then..maybe I'll come back with a better response some time later.
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Masi , i am glad you responded .. that exact same reason that you mentioned makes me so weary ... its not a childs fault , infact he/she become more and more vulnerable as they grow ... specially the age 3-11 years ... I dont know its just so confusing ...
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hmm just some more raw thoughts..I think if I decide to adopt I'll prolly adopt from different age groups ..
I sometimes think too extensively about it and it just exhausts me cos I end up wanting to adopt so bad and it is not a option as for now :(
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I can imagine Masi .. ..its a tough decision and really one has to be even more ready for it then when giving birth to ones own child .. I have been thinking of this since the past four years … and now I just want to inshallah get closer to the goal rather then keep on thinking … inshallah when the time is right…
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Yes it’s tough..that’s why I think it should be made very wisely and not in rush of blood.. and it’s not just about the parents this decision is going to have an effect on the child as well…
wish you the very best
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exactly , the effect on the child should be a major concern , we are grown ups , we can manage and mold ourselves , its the child that experiences an immense change … os yeah , lets see …
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You women are such amazing women in my opinion for considering to adopt a child. Even if it is just a thought and option right now. I find our desi culture tends to be against it in general… which is unfortunate in my opinion 
.
InshAllah I hope to adopt one day. I have spoken to it with my fiance and he understands and respects this desire. I can’t imagine doing a better deed… giving a child a home.
When the time comes, and we are all around still on gupshup… i will be asking u two for more thoughts on the matter and advice.
Best of luck to you both on figuring things out and may Allah reward u So so much if you decide to adopt.
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PunjabiRose , thanks so much for your prayers , I am surely going to be around ... and hopefully will have adopted a child by then inshallah , inshallah , inshallah ...
Its a huge decision , which cant really be taken alone , at least for me , i am not only preparing myself , myhusband for this decision but also my inlaws and my own parents , coz tomorrow when a child comes , I dont want any feelings of hostility towards him/her by the elders in the family.... Therefore I am doing the ground work now since i have still got a few months before I finally take the step ...
Just hope inshallah all goes well ...
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^ That is very smart of you to do ... laying down the "groundwork"
Keep us posted on everything :)
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Will do …
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I've always always wanted to adopt a child. I know I'm too young to even think about stuff like that but I've just known that when I'm older and married I want to adopt a child. I want to offer a child a home and a family y'know...and I agree with MM's first post...A kid is still a kid at the end of the day and I don't want to look past some of the 'older' kids just because I might have problems. Part of adoption is to overcome those problems and try to welcome the child as your own.
Re: Child adoption ..
sweefie , its a great great thought … I hope inshallah you will be able to do exactly that one day …
Though there are many things that worry me , I often wonder, if a child ( say 7 years old ) IS able to accept his new parents? a child that age has his own mind , has been through a tough life , may find it very very hard to trust people … will have seen so much hardship in life … will he actually accept the couple as being genuine towards him …
Its just so confusing , i really want to speak to people who might have adopted someone , were themselves adopted , or know of someone in similar situation …
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I think the best person to give you advice and who I know of on GS would be X2 :)
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ohhh wow thanks Sweefie …
If you really-really love the child, and accept him as yours, he will love you! The first year is hard, b/c he is adjusting. They make some trouble, those kids, to see how much patience you have and what the rules are, to see how much you love them. Before adopting older child (not a baby) it is necessary to talk to a professional psychologist who is familiar with adopted kids behaviour. He will help you to prepare, and let you know what to expect.
It is a great reward from Allah to a person who takes care of an orphan, InshAllah!
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My best friend adopted three siblings and they were 6, 5 and 2 when they adopted a few years ago. They're a cohesive and loving family, the kids love their parents every bit as much as a biological child loves their parents.
When you go thru an agency, they provide much support and advice on adjustment to a new home etc. and they help to smooth the transition.
CB, best of luck to you!
I am by no means an expert on the process of adoption...I've often heard from people that it's "easier" to adopt a baby and more difficult to bring in an older child.
But I honestly believe this way of thinking is just plain wrong. I would think that if you show an older child unconditional love and acceptance, he would be overjoyed and grateful and just as loving right back. I've never been to an orphanage or adoption agency, but I would think that the older kids there already feel pretty crummy because they keep getting passed on because someone wanted the tiny, cute baby. I would think that they would be beside themselves with happiness if someone just looked their way and wanted THEM. I think that would go a long way toward smoothing over any bumps as the child adjusts to his new life and family.
Just my two cents...
Re: Child adoption ..
depending on the local regulations there may be a minimum age difference between the child and the adopting parent.
adopting an older child has more issues in one sense, the issues with bonding are more prevalent in older kids, does not mean they are not present in younger kids or a massive issue with older kids.
It is a serious decision regardless. and you have to plan for it.
It depends on the child, the parents, family/friends to some extent on what is a right fit, but the biggest influencer on that are the parents and how they make the child feel etc.
There are many older kids for adoption, case in point is edhi in Pakistan where there is a waiting list for new borns but kids even a year old have no takers. if u ever talk to mrs edhi, she would not even talk about older kids because she is used to people not being interested, and when you do bring that up, she would be surprised.
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X2 , you are very very right indeed .. I experienced that when i went to pakistan this time and visited the center .. and felt alot of practices being followed for adoption in Pakistan are just wrong and very torturing for little children … :hinna: