Re: child abuse
Chica,
I am so sorry that you went through this, and even more that it has continued to cause problems in your life. I want to tell you not to give that jerk that kind of power. Don't let him keep you distant from those who love and care for you.
I can not imagine how hard it must be for you, so I don't know what advice to give. Just please do what you can to cherish and stay close to the good people in your life.
Re: child abuse
It seems that you are still suffering quite acutely from this. If the abuse has only recently ended, that is a serious cause for alarm. You need to find someone you can talk to, without any fear of judgment or backlash.
RAINN | Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network | RAINN: The nation’s largest anti-sexual assault organization.One of ?America?s 100 Best Charities" ?Worth magazine has online chatrooms for support. They also have a multitude of resources to help you. You may be interested in looking for a counselor/therapist who specializes in such issues. Many or most of such people (like myself), work on a volunteer basis, and your anonymity is maintained. You can even reach many by phone-- the rainn line transfers you (if you are in the US), to the local center. They are available day and night, at any time. It does not matter if the event occurred 50 years ago, or last night. Even if you just want to call them to cry, or to vent, or to scream, they are there.
As others have said, you need to find your power. You are feeling as though you lack control-- reliving what you felt as a child. There is no one controlling you now. No one can hurt you like you were hurt before. That is the power you have. You have the power to divulge what happened. You have the power to act as part of God’s justice-- to speak the truth, and demand justice, even if it is only found in the knowledge your parents would have.
Do you have a support network? How long have you been married? Is your husband aware of any of this? Do you have a friend you can trust, who would help you? Sometimes, it helps to have a person with you, if you choose to tell others. They can act as your foundation.
Ask yourself why it really is, that you are afraid to tell your parents. Take out your diary and list every and any reason that comes to your head. Then, look at each example individually, pretend that you are not looking at your own examples but those of another person. Pretend that you are a third party and you are trying to address these issues without thinking that they are your own. Now you can try to logically determine how you can address each problem, and list your solutions. Then, you can implement them.
You can even write down everything you want to say on paper. You can write it as a story, or as random points on the page. It doesn’t have to flow, it doesn’t have to be a proper essay. It just has to convey your thoughts. You can write what you want to tell your parents, and give it to them. You dont even have to be in the room while they read it.
Concerning the fear, often times the fear results from not knowing how your family will react (thinking they will blame you, not believe you, etc), thinking that you will be a cause for the family to break apart (when the family was never together to begin with, when a perpetrator is amongst them). Sometimes the child is blamed; deemed too provocative, considered to be asking for it, etc, by insecure and misogynistic parents. Your parents are not like that. They love you, and they want to protect you. They couldn’t protect you before, but that’s not your fault either. Now you have the ability to tell them and they can stand with you against him.
I know that you may feel overwhelmed by people telling you that you have to tell someone, in case he chooses to harm another. It only adds to your frustration, your anger, and your resentment that now are you not only a victim, but there is the suggestion that somehow, if you don’t speak up, that you will be indirectly responsible for another girl suffering like you have. But, his actions are not your fault. What he does, he does because he chooses to. You are not responsible for anything that he does. All that can be asked is that you take care of yourself first, and if you find this cause motivates you, then do it for the sake of another. Holding back does not make you selfish, or bad. It makes you human. But maybe, the knowledge that you could prevent the same suffering that you have undergone from happening to another, it will give you the strength to tell your parents.
On a personal note, I’m truly sorry that you suffered like that, and continue to suffer. I too, was molested by family members (and more). I did not tell my parents about it, nor will I ever-- only because I do not feel any need to. I was lucky enough that these were isolated incidents. They will not happen again, to anyone, because I told my grandmother-- the one woman in my family that has not judged me, blamed me or mistreated me because of any misfortune that has befallen me. Your parents seem to be like my grandmother. All you have to do is reach out and let them hold your hand.
Re: child abuse
Hey Chica - i'm so sorry to hear what you went through.
You're stronger than you think for coming on here and posting about it. I really do rate you very highly for that :)
As other people have suggested, have you tried counselling? This could be a step forward towards telling your parents about what happened. You never know, you opening up about this could prevent the same thing happening to another child within this scums life.
For people like him there is nothing less that they deserve than torture and the death penalty.
Re: child abuse
thanx for all ur support it does make things abit more easy just to know someone understands.