The inspiration for the following questions came from Munni’s recent blog entry:
How do you define chemistry?
Is it something intuitive that cannot be cultivated if it isn’t there from the get-go?
Or is it something that can be developed over time?
Is it something that is heavily dependent upon looks… or does it transcend looks?
Discuss!
Oh and please, no corny responses about test tubes and volatile chemicals and all that jazz. I know there are a few nutters who will go down that path. I know you…I know who you are. So don’t go there. It ain’t funny…
The Life/Relationships forum rarely gets any traffic, so I posted in Cafe. Should this not garner enough (or even appropriate) responses, I guess we could move it to Life at a later point.
The first sign of Chemistry is that on the Very first meeting If you find yourself or a friend smiling for no reason, there?s definitely mutual chemistry! )
we call it energy these days, you got be able to vibe with somebody. like i’m dragon energy and only vibe with girls with dragon energy, it is what it is
When a person is totally starving and the sookhi roti ka tukkra seems very enticing and when you are full then you feel less chemistry with unappetizing stuff, sometimes the best chemistry you have with people can make very bad partners. So the trick is are you going to find that person attractive or livable even after you are satiated? Safy tells me that if he goes after the girl she doesn’t care for him and if he carefully ignores her then she is all over him. Looking forward to @Cashmere essay.
Individuals have a lot of nuance in their personalities and this whole attraction business can get complicated. There can be general patterns picked up when it comes to cultivating that kind of chemistry (opposites attract, people wanting someone who is like them, going after hot people…) but even those patterns can be limited.
I think it has more to do with an emotional or intellectual bond. There are also a few prerequisites we look for in a partner subconsciously. When a few of those boxes are ticked, it may create chemistry. I think it starts with the ticking of those boxes in the background and then leads to the emotional or intellectual bond.
I don’t think it can be cultivated but it need not be instantaneous either.
I’m no expert on this. I should be the last person to speak on this topic
I’m not expert either, but I agree with your first point. Though I also feel that attraction plays a role (to an extent). When the looks fade, that emotional/intellectual connection is like the glue.
At the same time, I think there’s an element of “je ne sais quoi” to chemistry…because you can meet someone who ticks off all your boxes and feel nothing for them. You can even come across someone whose virtues are greater in number and whose vices are both fewer and lesser in severity, but still you do not feel as strong a pull toward that person as you do toward someone who is a hot mess…though later on when (and if) you come to your senses…that can change, too.
There are two parts of our brain the more animal and instinctive part of the brain is also referred to as reptilian brain and is responsible for our automatic emotional responses and is not concerned with filters and checked off boxes, it is purely primal and is based on a genetic response that our bodies tell us that this person is capable of giving us strong healthy off springs.
So here is a great article about primal instincts, it says we view familiarity as good and the opposite as threatening, this is why many people see uryaniat there as threatening and many people here are threatened by niqabs, same way people will be more attracted to familiarity in partners but then smart people know to somehow change the message to the primal brain.
The Reptilian or Primal Brain
In MacLean’s triune brain model, the basal ganglia are referred to as the reptilian or primal brain, as this structure is in control of our innate and automatic self-preserving behavior patterns, which ensure our survival and that of our species. The primal brain is also in charge of, what are often referred to as, the four Fs: Feeding, Fighting, Fleeing, and? Reproduction (well, we won?t use that other f-word here!). Notable behavior patterns include defense of self, family, and personal property, physical communication, and socially approved actions, such as handshakes, head nods, and bowing.
For me, chemistry is being able to comfortably express myself and actually look forward to engaging in a conversation and spending time with the individual. Typing this out made me realize how rare that is for me. Can only think of one person with whom I shared such an experience. Oh actually even better is being able to spend time in silence with the individual without it being awkward.
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