Checking on married daughter and her husband

Checking on married daughter and her husband


Praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the Worlds, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

Imaam Abu ‘Abd-Allaah Muhammad ibn Ismaa’eel al-Bukhaari narrated in his Saheeh:

From ‘Ali (may Allaah be pleased with him) that Faatimah (peace be upon her) complained about what the millstone with which she ground flour was doing to her. She had heard that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) had got some prisoners, so she went to him to ask him for a servant, but she did not find him. [According to another report: Faatimah (peace be upon her) came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to complain to him about what the millstone was doing to her hands, as she had heard that some slaves had been brought to him, but she did not see him.] So she mentioned [that] to ‘Aa’ishah, and [when] the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came, ‘Aa’ishah mentioned that to him. [Faatimah said] he came to us when we had gone to bed. We were going to stand up, and he said, “Stay where you are.” [He sat down between us] and I could feel the coolness of his feet on my chest. He said, “Shall I not teach you something better than that which you asked for [something better than your having a servant]? When you go to bed, say Allaahu akbar thirty-four times, al-hamdu-Lillaah thirty-three times and Subhaan Allaah thirty-three times. That will be better for you than that which you asked for. [This will be better for you than a servant, 2881].”

According to a report narrated by Muslim, ‘Ali said, “I never failed to do that from the time I heard it from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).” Someone asked him, “Not even on the night of Siffeen?” He said, “Not even on the night of Siffeen.”(Saheeh Muslim, 4906).

  • It is permissible for a married daughter to complain to her father

As it says in the report: “she showed him the marks on her hands made by the millstone.” According to another report, “Faatimah complained about the cuts (majl) on her hands.” According to al-Tabari, the word majl (translated as “cuts”) may mean calluses. Everyone who works with their hands may develop calluses; this is described in Arabic as majalat yaduhu (his hand developed calluses).

  • The compassionate husband, if he is not able to provide a servant for his wife and he sees how difficult things are for her, he can at least offer useful suggestions. According to some reports of this hadeeth, ‘Ali said: “I said to Faatimah, ‘Why do you not go to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and ask him for a servant, for grinding flour and doing other work is exhausting you.” According to the report narrated by al-Saa’ib: “Allaah has sent some prisoners to your father, so go to him and ask him for a servant.”

According to another report, ‘Ali said to Faatimah one day: “By Allaah, I have been drawing water until my chest hurts.” She said, “And I, by Allaah, have been grinding flour until my hands have developed calluses.”

Abu Dawood narrated that ‘Ali said: “I was married to Faatimah, the daughter of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). She turned the millstone until there were marks on her hand, and brought water in a pot until there were marks on her neck, and she swept the house until her clothes got dusty… and she baked bread until her face changed.”

The phrase “I came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to ask him for a servant” refers to a slave woman who could serve her.

The compassionate father always gives his children the impression that he will listen to their complaints. If Faatimah had known that her father would not respond to her complaint, she would not have gone to him.

There are some people nowadays who, when their daughters get married, they behave as if they have been relieved of some distress of which they do not want to be reminded, let alone be asked to contribute anything to the wellbeing of their daughter, her husband, the marriage or the children. I have heard of a man who wanted to marry his daughter off in any way possible, to the first man who proposed marriage, without asking about him or making sure of his circumstances. When a person approached him, he said, “Take her for five thousand, and if you want to pay in instalments I don’t mind!” Subhaan Allaah, is he at an auction or a slave-market, to say “Take it away from me”? Does he not feel that he is giving the man a piece of his own flesh and blood? In contrast, there are decent fathers who spare no effort to find out about the prospective husband’s circumstances, and they would not hesitate to offer any help to their daughter and her husband. If the husband is a student with a low income, or is an employee who is in a weak position, they carry on taking care of their daughter at Eid, providing winter clothing and giving gifts of clothing and other things to the children, helping the couple out when they have guests. The mother remains compassionate, taking care of her daughter’s children if she is sick, taking care of her when she has a baby, and cooking and sending food to her daughter’s house.

“She did not find him.” According to the report narrated by al-Qattaan, “she did not see him”. According to the report narrated by Abu’l-Ward, “She came to him and found people talking to him; she felt shy so she went back.” What may be meant here is that she did not find him in his house, but somewhere else, such as the mosque, and there was someone talking to him.

When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was not able to respond to his daughter’s request, he explained the reason to her and did not send her away empty-handed. He came and taught her instead a dhikr which would give her physical strength and benefit her in this world and in the Hereafter.

In Saheeh Muslim it is narrated from Abu Hurayrah that Faatimah came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and asked him for a servant, and complained about her work. He said, “What do you find here?” It may be that this means “What do you find here other than our basic needs?” – because it was stated earlier that the funds received when the prisoners were sold were spent on the Ahl al-Suffah [poor Muslims who lived in the mosque and devoted themselves to learning].

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not let himself be swayed by emotion or forget those whose needs were greater. He did not show favour to the closest of people to him at the expense of the poor Muslims, and he did not exploit the public money that was under his control by giving it to his relatives. Indeed, he said that frankly and clearly, as it says in a report: “By Allaah, I will not give to you and leave the Ahl al-Suffah starving, with nothing that I can spend on them. But I will sell them (the slaves) and spend the money on them (Ahl al-Suffah).” According to another report he said: “The orphans of Badr come before you.”

  • ‘Ali (may Allaah be pleased with him) and his wife bore the hardships of life and their difficult circumstances with patience. Their situation was as described by one of the salaf: “We found the best time of our lives through sabr (patience).” The material situation of the couple was difficult indeed. It says in one of the reports of this hadeeth that ‘Ali (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:

“So he (the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)) came to us and we had a blanket over us which, if we put it lengthwise, it exposed our sides, and if we put it across us, our heads and feet would show.”

According to the report of al-Saa’ib: “So they went back, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came to them. They had covered themselves with a blanket which, if they covered their heads with it, their feet would show, and if they covered their feet with it, their heads would show.”

But they bore matters with patience for a while at the beginning of their marriage, until Allaah brought them a way out and made the Muslims rich by means of the conquests which He granted them and the booty which came from various regions. But some wives who are used to a life of luxury cannot put up with the fact that the husband may not be well-off at the beginning, and they ask for divorce because the husband cannot give them what they demand. But if they were to be patient, perhaps Allaah would grant them independence of means, and the student would find a job or the employee would move to a better job, or Allaah may make it easy for him to open a business, and so on. On the other hand, there are women who patiently endure with their husbands through thick and thin, taking his circumstances into consideration, not asking him for more than he can afford, and not looking at what other women have whose situation is different, so she does not ask her husband for the same as they have. She does not care about imitating others or getting what they have; she behaves wisely according to her husband’s circumstances, and she knows that her being patient with him will bring her reward, whilst giving him a hard time will be a sin. This encourages her and keeps her from persistently asking him for things that he cannot afford.

  • ‘Ali (may Allaah be pleased with him) and his wife were keen to do what was best, and to pursue beneficial knowledge. According to one of the reports of this hadeeth, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) went out to Faatimah’s house, and she and ‘Ali had covered themselves with a blanket. When he asked permission to enter, they rushed to get dressed, and he said, “Stay as you are. I was told that you came to ask me for something. What do you want?” She said, “I heard that you had been brought some servants, and I wanted you to give me a servant to take care of bread and making dough, because it is difficult for me.” He said, “Is what you came to ask for dearer to you, or something better than that?” ‘Ali said: so I nudged her and said, “Say, that which is better than that.” He (the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)) said: “When you are as you are now (i.e., you have gone to bed), say Tasbeeh.”

According to the report narrated by ‘Ali ibn A’bud, “He sat by her head and she put her head beneath the blanket out of shyness towards her father.” It may be that he did that at first, and when she felt more at ease, he sat with them on the bed, to make her feel more at ease

  • The father – i.e., the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) – did not forget to advise his daughter to be patient in bearing the difficulties that she was facing. In Tahdheeb al-Tabari, additional details of this story of Faatimah were narrated via Abu Umaamah from ‘Ali: “He said, ‘Be patient, O Faatimah, for the best of women are those who benefit their families.”

Reminding the daughter of the reward that she will earn if she serves her family herself will help her to be patient. This is what the wise father does.

Many people nowadays do not bring servants for their wives, either because of restricted finances, or because they fear fitnah (temptation) for themselves, or for some other reasons. Some of the wife’s relatives might interfere and cause trouble because of that. If the husband is well-off and there is no shar’i reason such as fitnah or the possibility of being alone with the servant, or employing a servant who is a kaafir or immoral or a practitioner of witchcraft, then the husband should do whatever will make things easier for his wife. If there are financial or shar’i reasons that prevent them having a servant, then the wife should be patient and her family should encourage her to be patient, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did; they should not try to stir things up and make matters worse or pour oil on the flames. Let them take what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did as an example to be followed.

  • In al-Jamee’ it says “thirty-three”, then at the end it says that Sufyaan said in one report, “thirty-four.” According to a report narrated by al-Nasaa’i from Qutaybah from Sufyaan, “I do not know which of them is thirty-four.” According to a report narrated by al-Tabari via Abu Umaamah al-Baahili from ‘Ali in al-Jamee’: “Thirty-three, and conclude them with Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah.” And he narrated via Muhammad ibn al-Hanafiyyah from ‘Ali: “And say Allaahu akbar and Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah thirty-four times.” And he narrated via Abu Maryam from ‘Ali: “Say al-hamdu-Lillaah thirty-four times.” He narrated something similar from Um Salamah. And he narrated via Hubayrah that Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah should be said thirty-four times, but he did not mention saying al-hamdu Lillaah. Ahmad also reported this via Hubayrah, as did the Jamaa’ah. Anything other than this is shaadhdh (odd).

  • Continually remembering Allaah and following the advice of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) even at times of hardship when people lose their equilibrium. ‘Ali (may Allaah be pleased with him) said, when speaking of the adhkaar mentioned above: “I never stopped doing that.” They said, “Not even on the night of Siffeen?” He said, “Not even on the night of Siffeen.”

Al-Bazzaar narrated from ‘Ataa’ ibn al-Saa’ib: “ ‘Abd-Allaah ibn al-Kawwaa’ – who was one of the companions of ‘Ali, but he used to ask too many questions – said to him, ‘Not even on the night of Siffeen?’ He said, ‘Woe to you! You ask too many questions! I did it just before dawn…’ He remembered it at the end of the night and said it.”

Siffeen is a place between Syria and Iraq, where ‘Ali fought in a battle.

  • The hadeeth describes the kind of dhikr to be recited before sleeping.

  • The narrators agree that the most correct view is that what is to be recited thirty-four times is “Allaahu akbar”.

‘Iyaad (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Various kinds of du’aa’s to be recited when sleeping have been narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), depending on the circumstances, who he was speaking to and the times. All of them are good.

Al-Muhallab said: The Prophet taught his daughter the kind of dhikr that will be most beneficial in the Hereafter, and he gave preference to the Ahl al-Suffah because they devoted all of their time to listening to knowledge and preserving the Sunnah in return for something to eat. They did not wish to earn money or have children, but they sold themselves to Allaah in return for a few mouthfuls to eat. From this incident we learn that seekers of knowledge should be given priority over others when the khums is distributed. This episode also tells us of the harsh life which the righteous predecessors (al-salaf al-saalih) lived, how little they had and how difficult things were for them. Allaah protected them from this dunya even though it was possible for them to enjoy the luxuries of this life, but He wanted to protect them from the consequences of that. This is the way of most of the Prophets and awliya’ (close friends of Allaah).

  • al-Muhallab said: This also shows that a man should expect from his family what he expects from himself in terms of preferring the Hereafter over this life, if they are able to do that.

  • It cannot be taken from this hadeeth that it is permissible for a father to look at private matters of intimacy between the husband and wife or to look at his daughter in a state of undress, because ‘Ali and Faatimah (may Allaah be pleased with them) were covered. When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sat between them, all that that meant was that he put his feet between them, and his foot was close to Faatimah’s chest. This is permissible according to sharee’ah. It was reported in some versions of this hadeeth that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asked permission before entering:

“He came to us when we had gone to bed. When he asked permission to enter, we rushed to get dressed…”

Whatever the case, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was ma’soom (infallible) and no one else can be compared to him who is not ma’soom like him.

The hadeeth also clearly points to the virtue of ‘Ali and Faatimah (peace be upon them). It clearly points to the Prophet’s utmost compassion towards his daughter and son-in-law, and his being informal with them, so he did not make them move from their places; rather he left them as they were, lying down. He went further than that when he sat with his feet between them and stayed with them until he taught them the dhikr which was best suited to their situation, instead of giving them the servant that they had asked for. This was by way of responding to a person with something other than what was asked for, in order to point out that what was more important was provision for the Hereafter, patience in bearing the difficulties of this world, and avoiding the temptations of this world. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) withheld it from his daughter, the dearest of all his relatives to him, and gave it to other people. We also learn from this hadeeth that a man may expect from his family what he expects from himself in the way of making do with little and being an ascetic (zuhd) in this world, and being content with what Allaah has prepared for His patient close friends (awliyaa’) in the Hereafter.

  • This hadeeth also indicates that whoever persists in reciting this dhikr when going to sleep will not be exhausted, because Faatimah complained about being exhausted by her work, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) advised her to do this instead. This is the lesson that Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) drew from this hadeeth.

  •                 The phrase “shall I not tell you of something that is better than that which you asked for?” indicates that the one who persists in remembering Allaah (dhikr) will be given more strength than that which he would gain be having a servant, or things will be made easier for him so that what he does will become easier than having a servant. Even if we assume that the benefits of this tasbeeh are limited to the Hereafter and the benefits of having a servant are limited to this world, the Hereafter is still better and more lasting.
    

rehman1.

Thank you for sharing.

If you got all this from a websource, please atleast give a link. Moreover, instead of copying and pasting such a long article, you should rather give a link and then explain in a few sentences what you actually want to discuss or share.

Jazak Allah.

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Faisal: *
rehman1.

Thank you for sharing.

If you got all this from a websource, please atleast give a link. Moreover, instead of copying and pasting such a long article, you should rather give a link and then explain in a few sentences what you actually want to discuss or share.

Jazak Allah.
[/QUOTE]

I will do that next time. I just wanted to share the article.

http://63.175.194.25/words/checking_on_married_daughter/checking_on_married_daughter.shtml