Characteristics of Good Company

Society Religion & Philosophy
1

Assalaamu alaikum,

We live in a time, where characteristics that determine a good companionship are sometimes rare to find. Yet it is most vital that we strive to capture these attributes of good companionship, something that was common amongst the Companions (radhi’allaahu 'anhum) of the Messenger (salallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam).

Not only is this of significant importance in order to be successful in all walks of life, but also as far as ethics and morals are concerned, such principals can only be beneficial Insha’Allaah.

This article is by Shaikh Badrud-Deen al Ghazzee (d.984H) and has been taken from Al-Ibaanah magazine (Issue No.2, Rabee’ ul-Awwal 1416H, August 1995).

Although the article is arguably long, for convenience it will be posted in 14 parts (13 of which are very short).

May Allaah grant us all the benefits from it.

The Manners of Companionship (part 1 of 14)

The Shaikh - rahimahullaah - said: [1]

May Allaah make our affairs good - that the manners of companionship and good relations are of various types, of which I will explain, such as will show the person of intellect the manners of the Believers and the Pious; and come to know that Allaah - the Most Perfect, the Most high - has made them a mercy and helpers toward each other, which is why the Messenger of Allaah salallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: “The example of the Believer, in their mutual love and mercy is like the example of a body, if one part feels pain then all the body suffers in sleeplessness and fever.” [2]

And he - 'alaihis-salaam - said: “The Believer to the Believer is like a solid
building, one part supporting the other.” [3]

The Prophet - 'alaihis-salaam - also said: “The souls are arrayed armies, so
those who knew each one another before, will be friendly.” [4]

So if Allaah intends good for His servants, he grants him the companionship of the people of Sunnah, righteousness and Deen; and keeps him free from the companionship of the people of innovation. The Prophet 'alaihis-salaam - said:
“A person is upon the Deen of his friend, so let one of you look to whom he keeps as a friend.” [5]

“About a person do not ask, but ask about his companion; Since every companion follows his friend.”

  1. From Aadaabul-'Ishrah wa Dhikrus-Suhbatil wal-Ukhwah (pp.9-20), with
    checking and authentication of hadeeth based upon that of Shaikh 'Alee Hasan
    al-Halabee and also Shaikh Masoor Hasan.
  2. Related by al-Bukhaaree (no.6011) and Muslim (no.2586), from an-Nu’maan ibn
    Basheer radhi’allaahu ?anhu.
  3. Related by al-Bukhaaree (no.481) and Muslim (no. 2585), from Abu Moosa
    al-Ash?aree radhi’allaahu 'anhu.
  4. Saheeh: Related by al-Bukhaaree (6/369) in ta?leeq form, from Aaishah
    radhi’allaahu 'anhaa. It was connected by Abu Ya’laa in al-Musnad (no.4381) with an isnaad whose narrators are from as-Sahee - as occurs in al-Majma’ (8/88) of al-Haythamee.
  5. Hasan: Related by Ahmad (2/303), Abu Dawood 9n0.4812) and at-Tirmidhee
    (2484), from Abu Hurairah radh’allaahu 'anhu. Imaam an-Nawawee authenticated it in Riyaadhus-Saaliheen (no.174).
2

[quote]
Originally posted by Hasnain:
Assalaamu alaikum,.....
* May Allaah make our affairs good - that the manners of companionship and good relations are of various types, of which I will explain, such as will show the person of intellect the manners of the Believers and the Pious; and come to know that Allaah - the Most Perfect, the Most high - has made them a mercy and helpers toward each other, which is why the Messenger of Allaah salallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "The example of the Believer, in their mutual love and mercy is like the example of a body, if one part feels pain then all the body suffers in sleeplessness and fever." [2]

And he - 'alaihis-salaam - said: "The Believer to the Believer is like a solid
building, one part supporting the other." [3]

"About a person do not ask, but ask about his companion; Since every companion follows his friend."
[/quote]

Walaikum Assalaam,
Thank you for posting. Ive been very depressed last few weeks, reading the above article realy helps.

[This message has been edited by Dil he Pakistani (edited February 27, 2002).]

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AoA, Jazakallah khair for the ahadith… it was a good reminder… also like Dil Hi Pakistani said, reading the above article really helps

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif

“I put my trust in Allah, my Lord and your Lord! There is not a moving creature, but He has a grasp of its forelock. Verily, my Lord is on the straight path. (The truth)”
(11:55-56)

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Thank you for your comment sadiaa, I want to do so many things in this life, make friends everywhere, help the disadvantaged in this world. I havent read some of the Hadiths in quite a while. Can you tell me if making friends on gupshup is considered ok, is it not any different to making friends at work or at college. Im just trying to understand the whole concept of How Islam relates to the way we create friendships between ourselves. Inshallah I want to overcome my feeling of being depressed. In recent weeks ive tried to help some of my relatives in South Africa. Friendship means peace, understanding, tolerance, and respect and to me should not have any borders; I believe Islam teaches us to help each other as much as we can in this life. :)

[This message has been edited by Dil he Pakistani (edited February 27, 2002).]

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Salaam

Dil he Pakistani,

yaar, there is nothing wrong in making friends, be at work or on Gup Shup. But what we need to be careful about is that we are not too hasty in trusting people. However, this is not to say that one should also be too judgemental and immediately reject a potential friendship. But be wise in selecting freinds and be patient while choosing who to trust.

Without trying to sound 'judgemental' myself, i would suggest that one ought to be that little bit extra cautious while befriending someone over the internet. The simple reason for this being that we do not know who is on the other side of the monitor, particularly as it is more dificult to see the outward actions of someone so invisible. There are many people surfing around during this computer age with multiple personalities just to have a laugh. Some fool around selfishly and play with peoples emotions just to please themselves, while others are a little more genuine. But you cannot be so sure, so fast.

Insha'allaah, these series of posts will be a good indicator as to some of the characteristics to look for in a friendship of trust and success

... and Allaah - Subhaan wa ta'aala - knows best.

regards,
&peace

"No leaf falls except that He knows of it, and no rain drop forms except that He has willed it."

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The Manners of Companionship (part 2 of 14)

Good Manners

Good manners with the brothers, peers and companions, following Allaah's Messenger salallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam as he said, when it was said to him: What is the best of what a person has been given? So he replied: "Good manners." [1]

  1. Saheeh: Related by Wakee' in az-Zuhd (no.423), Ibn Hibbaan (1/427) and at-Tabaraanee in al-Kabeer (1/147), from Usaamah ibn Shareek radhi'allaahu 'anhu. Al-Haafidh al-'Iraaqee authenticated it in Takhreejul-Ihyaa (2/157)
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Walaikum Assalaam Hasnain,

Jazakallah for the advice. One thing which is lacking in many of us is a true understanding of Islam. Inshallah I will refocus my energy in the coming days and look forward to reading the posts.

Wassalam Dhp.

8

Salaam,

I had a question regarding this. I hope this makes sense.

Someone once told me they dont wish to hang around people who are self-proclaimed good muslims because they tend to be arrogant and not-accepting of those who are not like them. What to tell this person? I myself have been in the company of people who are considered for lack of a better term, "the best and most well known group of muslims" in the community. I have found that they often talk about the same things that those in "other groups" talk about. Call me naive but I was surprised that each group had something negative to say about the other. I was also surprised at the many misconceptions prevalent that each group had for the other.

Now, if everyone sticks to "their own kind", how is there going to be mutual understanding, acceptance and cooperation?I find that there are great rifts between what people deem the "liberal" and "conservative" crowd.

These days, shunning people doesnt really work, as it did in the days of yore.

Any ideas? Thanks!

Learn to love yourself, then learn to love one-another

9

WasSalaam,

We live in a time where the callers to Islaam are many, but the followers are few in number. There is nothing that divides the hearts of the Muslims more than groups and parties; all claiming to be upon the correct Islaam and the methodology with which it should be implemented.

As sad as it is to witness this contrast in Religious thought, we should not judge the people by their actions while evaluating their beliefs. If this were the case, then in a general manner of speaking, the Religion to which the Muslims submitted and surrendered to fourteen centuries ago, would not be recognised as the very same religion we claim to be upon today. So rather, before we draw conclusions about a group of people, we should look at their beliefs and the fundamental principles upon which they base their religion, namely the ‘aqeedah, and whether it is upon the Qur’aan and the Sunnah according to the understanding of the Companions – radhiallaahu anhum.

However, and this is a point of paramount importance: as attractive as it may appear, we should never look for a group or party and then expect to find the truth. Know the truth and you shall know it’s people.

We don’t need to be a part of a group or party to be successful, but we do need to recognise and differentiate the truth from falsehood, and when we do so, we need to keep away from the evil of falsehood. In fact, it is better to keep right away from those who call to partisanship as this is another evil and disunites the Ummah further.

From amongst the plotting and planning of Shaytaan is that if he knows his target is difficult to steer toward shirk, then he strives to take him/her astray on other matters. And one of his schemes is to plant arrogance into the servants of Allaah. So if you see a person, or a group of people who seem to display a degree of arrogance, then know it is from Shaytaan, and not necessarily a shortcoming in their belief.

Also, if you notice a person or a group of people (that you have recognised to be on the truth) always speaking ill of other groups or personalities (without good reason), then keep away from such talk and know that this too is from Shaytaan. Although you can take what is beneficial and good from them, leave what is evil such as this type of discussion. However, if you feel that you are learning nothing useful from them by being in their presence and consequently you are being drawn into such idle talk, then it is better to keep away, as idle talk so often leads to backbiting and gossip.

With regards to sticking to “their own kind”, then this depends upon how strong you are in knowledge, understanding and eemaan. If you feel that you are in the early stages or yet to acquire a firm grounding in your understanding of the Deen, then perhaps it is better not to spend too much time with those people or groups who seem to be upon “their own Islaam”. This applies more so to those who can easily be distracted and influenced by others. Once a firm grounding has been established with regards to the correct ‘aqeedah, then you can “mix with others” in order to invite them to the correct understanding. However, never look down upon a people or be impertinent to anyone because of his/her belief and always be friendly and polite while displaying the best of manners.

And my sincere advice, first and foremost to myself, and then to your good self: look and search for the answers in complete sincerity for the sake of Allaah – subhaan wa ta’aala – and depend upon Him by putting your trust in Him alone and ask Him to guide you, and He shall Insha’Allaah, to the truth – know the truth, and you shall know it’s people. Only then will everything become clearer and in turn you will know who to be with and who to trust and how to relate to those who hold contrasting views and beliefs to your own.

... and Allaah knows best.

WasSalaam

"No leaf falls except that He knows of it, and no rain drop forms except that He has willed it."

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http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/ok.gif

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/ok.gif

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Hasnain JAzak Allah..

Your posts has really enlighten my views abut friendship..

Thank you..

Dont think "you can" know "you can"
.::. ¢¼ ﷲ ﻼﺃ ﷲﺃ ﻶ ¢¼ .::.

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Jazak'Allah khairum.

Learn to love yourself, then learn to love one-another

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Wa'iyyaakum ...

The Manners of Companionship (part 3 of 14)

Making One's Opinion Good

From the manners of companionship is behaving well regarding the faults that he
sees of his companions, since Ibn Maazin said: "The Believer seeks excuses for
his brothers, whilst the Hypocrite seeks out their faults."

And Hamdoon al-Qassar said: "If one of your brothers commits an error then seek
ninety excuses for him, and if not then you are the blameworthy one."

"No leaf falls except that He knows of it, and no rain drop forms except that He has willed it."

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The Manners of Companionship (part 4 of 14)

Companionship with the Believers

To keep companionship with one whose Deen you trust and who is trustworthy, both
inwardly and outwardly. Allaah - the Most High - says:

"You will not find any people who believe in Allaah and the Last day, making friendship with those who oppose Allaah and His Messenger, even though they were their fathers, sons, brothers or their relatives. For such He has written eemaan (faith) in their hearts, and strengthened them with a spirit (proofs, light and guidance) from Himself. And We will admit them into Gardens beneath which rivers flow, to dwell therein forever. Allaah is pleased with them, as they are with Him. They are the party of Allaah, indeed it is the Party of Allaah that will be successful." [Surah al-Mujaadalah 58:22]

"No leaf falls except that He knows of it, and no rain drop forms except that He has willed it."

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*The Manners of Companionship *(part 5 of 14)

Forms of Companionship

For the Shaikhs and elders: with respect service and to carry out their needs.

For those of the same peer group and those of the 'middle rank': with sincere
advice, giving what you have and being prepared to carry out wishes.

For the students and younger ones: by guidance, teaching of manners, carrying
out what knowledge demands, guidance to the manners of the Sunnah, rulings on
matters of the heart, and to guide them to develop good manners.

"No leaf falls except that He knows of it, and no rain drop forms except that He has willed it."

16

[quote]
Originally posted by Hasnain:
**Wa'iyyaakum ...

The Manners of Companionship (part 3 of 14)

Making One's Opinion Good

From the manners of companionship is behaving well regarding the faults that he
sees of his companions, since Ibn Maazin said: "The Believer seeks excuses for
his brothers, whilst the Hypocrite seeks out their faults."

And Hamdoon al-Qassar said: "If one of your brothers commits an error then seek
ninety excuses for him, and if not then you are the blameworthy one."

"No leaf falls except that He knows of it, and no rain drop forms except that He has willed it."**
[/quote]

Very interesting.

Learn to love yourself, then learn to love one-another

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The Manners of Companionship (part 6 of 14)

Overlooking Mistakes

From the manners of companionship is overlooking mistakes of the brothers and
not reprimanding them. Al-Fudayl ibn 'Iyyaad (d.187 H) said: "Forgetting the
harms caused by the brothers, causes your love of them to persist."

So it is biding upon the Believer that he avoids seekers of this world, since
they will bring him down to the level of seeking it, and this will distance him
from his salvation and it will distance him from remaining alert and being aware
of it. Rather, he must strive hard in attaining the companionship of the good
and the seekers of the Hereafter. Therefore, Dhun-Noon (d.245H) said to the one
whom he advised: "Accompany one whom you will be safe from outwardly, and whom -
when you see him - it helps you in doing good and reminds you of your Lord."

"No leaf falls except that He knows of it, and no rain drop forms except that He has willed it."

18

The Manners of Companionship (part 7 of 14)

Agreement with the Brothers

And from them is: not to differ much with the brothers, but continue agreeing
with the brothers in those things allowed by knowledge and the Sharee'ah. Abu
'Uthmaan said: "Agreeing with brothers is better than showing compassion to
them."

"No leaf falls except that He knows of it, and no rain drop forms except that He has willed it."

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Jazakallah Hasnain for your excellent posting !

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/ok.gif

[This message has been edited by Dil he Pakistani (edited March 14, 2002).]

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The Manners of Companionship (part 8 of 14)

Leaving of Envy

That he does not envy the signs of Allaah?s bounty upon them. Rather, he should
be happy with that and praise Allaah for it, just as he would praise Allaah if
it were seen upon himself. Allaah - the Most High - censures the envious one:
"Or do they envy men for what Allaah has given them from His bounty?" [Surah
an-Nisaa 4:54]

The Prophet salallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "Do not envy one another." [1]

  1. Related by al-Bukhaaree (10/484) and Muslim (no.2564) from Abu Hurairah.