From your own personal perspective and experiences, how have you seen people change (for the good or the bad)?
How often have you met someone and they seemed very nice/not so nice but once you got more comfortable with them and got to them, they did a 180? What (I am sure that would be a pretty high number).
What was your reaction at this change? Did you stay with them or left? What do you think led to the extreme change in their personalities?
You can talk about anyone, whether it be friends/relatives/coworkers/significant others etc.
Well, when i first see someone around at school or something I have this impression of them and depending on that I decide if i want to talk to them or not.. i have only been wrong once :love: But rest of the time, if i don’t like someone i stay away from em… i tried going past appearances and initial judgements but i feel it was a big mistake.. so umm.. i dunno did that answer ur Q?
Lol Sara516, that actually doesnt answer my question :p I dont mean first impressions. What I do mean is that if you think you know someone pretty well and then you realise you dont really.
I also realise that there is no way you are going to ever know a person completely. But a total 180 turn on someone would certainly be noticeable.
Has happened to me both with a relative and with a 'friend'- the relative, my age did a 180 when a family issue came up so to keep her sachi swatri image, totally dropped me like a hot potato even though we had spent years sharing girl talk and fun, secrets, joys sorrows etc. I tried to connect with her but she chose not to so i stepped back- its taken a while to get over that.
THe so called friend spent 3 years and then one day decided to walk away with a business plan i had been working on for a year (and discussing with her cause she was a business major) for my own shoppe and without mentioning a word, implemented it. SHe never called or emailed once she knew i knew she was in business and neither did i.
^ ooooh, okay.. well yeah, i had one freind (the one i regretted) it felt like no matter how much we shared, i wud never get to know her properly.. she's the type who has a million friends, and makes all of em feel like her only confidante..
And there's another friend (the one I was wrong about :p) who i consider a good friend even though i don't talk to him as much as I talk to other friends, like i wont share every lil detail of my day or something, and were not as close as i wud like to be... so i dont know him very well really.. i think i wud notice if he went from bein how he iz to bein a typical desi guy :D
A family we have known for several yrs. Not extremely close ties but whenever we meet which is always at someones elses place, we tend to stick together, mums talk on the phone every now and then, dads used to work at the same place. Whenever we meet aunty speaks like there isnt a person who loves us more in the world, extremely sweet, extremely nice. Her kids are the same, the most genuinely friendly ppl in the world. So one day mum and I go to the salon and who do we see getting her mehndi done...the daughter. She looked somewhat shocked and pale to see us. When she started getting her feet done I asked who's wedding it was that she was getting so much mehndi and she turned quiet. After a bit she told it was her nikkah. We congratulated her and asked about the rukhsati and she says we have no idea yet. After that speaking aside, she doesn;t even look at us. Next day we found it it was actually her wedding!
What did we do? nothing! Its not the fact that they kept the wedding from us or didn;t invite us, its that what is the point of pretence? whenever aunty meets us she still sucks up but we know better now.
I expect people to change. It’s only human. I’m normally indifferent to such changes as they don’t catch me off guard anymore.
I don’t believe in forced relationships. I normally let the other person decide if they want to stay or leave. I don’t have enough hate in me to kick someone off forever.
What causes a personality to change could be anything…usually it is the other person’s own insecurity or complex.
Ira... I can't speak of others behalf but in my observation ppl do change ...some a little n some more.
When I look at my past ...I can say I've changed a lot myself. I started developing my current personality when i entered collge. Till the end of high school I was very much different than I'm now.:) And there are many factors contributing to change.
As they say a personality development is always affected by two factors: Heredity and Environment.
And just like me ...many ppl around me changed too. There are certain ppl in my family who were different or at least i used to think about them differently but then it changed. Some changed for good n some for bad.
Now about the reaction part: For ppl in family n friends, I have yet to react. :) Usually if you were really close to person who changed, it hurts. It really hurts. But the only wise thing is to move on.And I'l add,' move on without hard feelings' (easier said than done but worth it)
And if its about the better half....try to keep some room for these adjustments. Your relationship with him isn't a business contract . There can be some points which you didn't want n don't like but be sure to communicate on these rather than get the other person fired.
I have a somewhat complex personality...very complex..multisided..
those who know only one side of me, can get very disappointed, or maybe surprised when they get to see another side...they may feel I changed...but I'm still the same; I'm just very difficult to know as a whole and I know it is hard for those who would want to be my friends because they may feel I changed too much compare to them and they'll go away
There's this girl I used to be really good friends with. Fun and nice and all that, as long as she was running the conversation or was the center of attention. If she felt eclipsed she got all quiet and came out really mean. She was also extremely possessive about her friends.
I put it down to the fact that she is an only child and used to being the center of attention, but as we grew older the tantrums got kinda tiresome. We don't talk much anymore.
On the other hand, my mumani who was kinda mean/aloof in the beginning, she seems to have settled down, mash'allah she's much nicer now. You never know who's going to pull the 180 on you.
Sometimes its just natural for people to change, look at me, my undergad year friends are just not there anymore and I am completely changed. I wonder what people think about me, but I had my own reasons and circumstances so people should never assume things neither should they judge someone based on the changes in behavior/personality.
i have been through similar experience like Femme. I know a few aunties who prefer i call them baji and they will all soaked in sugar when talking to you but as soon as you turn your back they will show their true colors.
My reaction is similar to what Afia has mentioned. Just move on but it is very difficult not to have hard feelings.....
