um as a guy id be more worried about ignorance, unstable emotional conditions and a closed mind
there's plenty of that on show in this thread
yea u know who you are
Sadly I doubt thsoe ppl know who they are.
well , there is no question of "still considered a taboo " .... it should be held as a taboo, at least for muslims.
There are exceptions always when a man and a woman have seriously genuine issues to get divorced. It is acceptable.
But generally it shouldnt become an acceptable norm at all , like its become in the west, every time a divorce happens , Allah's Abode shudders with extreme sadness ... Divorce is satan's best strategy against humans ... its all in the sunnah and is highly discouraged in Islam.
Marrying a divorcee , I would think a million times , and unless i am absolutely convinced that there was a huge and a genuine reason for divorce , I will never ever consider that individual for marriage. A person who lost it once can lose it again ... and no matter how sorry a state they are in , they are not worth my attention. specially when their actions were so against Allah's word.
CB this ^^^ is why you have struck some peoples nerve in this thread and why so many ppl disagree with your stance on divorce. As a matter of fact, it not your stance that is so bothersome because everyone is entitled to having their own personal preference as to the kind of mate they want to spend the rest of their life with. For you in this case, would not be a divorcee...and that is ok.
However...in the bold part above you are implying that people that are divorced have "lost it". That is quite judgemental on your part or so it seems. Maybe what you said has been misconstrued by many of us....perhaps you can explain further?
What do you mean by "lost it" CB? not everyone that gets a divorced has "lost it".
Most of us here know that divorce is disliked by Allah (SWT) and is discouraged unless there are extreme circumstances for doing so. However, lets keep in mind it is not haram and it is a RIGHT given to us by Allah SWT as well. A right that should be used as a last resort of course. Often times that's whats best for person and their family. So how is divorce an action against Allah's word when it is allowed?
For some, there is no other way out and staying in a marriage that is doomed can be unhealthy for everyone involved especially after they have exhausted all options.
Allah SWT see's and knows all..and only He knows whats in our hearts and minds. It's best not to judge and assume the worst about a person just because they are divorced until we know both sides of the story.
Now getting back to the topic...
Unfortunately in our culture it is difficult for a woman to get remarried...even more so if she has kids. For men it is still very much possible. However, now that times are changing and finding the right person is getting more difficult, people are willing to keep more of an open mind and look beyond the surface. They are willing to accept a person that is divorced and/or divorced with kids if everything else is perfect.
The way i see it....accepting another persons child(ren) with open arms and treating them as your own and giving another human being a second chance in life has it's own rewards.
I agree.
CB this ^^^ is why you have struck some peoples nerve in this thread and why so many ppl disagree with your stance on divorce. As a matter of fact, it not your stance that is so bothersome because everyone is entitled to having their own personal preference as to the kind of mate they want to spend the rest of their life with. For you in this case, would not be a divorcee...and that is ok.
However...in the bold part above you are implying **that people that are divorced have "lost it". **That is quite judgemental on your part or so it seems. Maybe what you said has been misconstrued by many of us....perhaps you can explain further?
Hi AE , I missed responding to you earlier , when you asked the same bit ...
I see your point ... The term lost it was used in the context of losing a relationship ettiquette and not to imply at all that someone has lost it ....
In post 41 I clarified my stance in a bit more detail. Divorce is something that we tumble upon quite alot these days ... and its very hard to see through individuals who have a genuine reason and those who are just covering up their former actions ...
In almost majority of my posts i mentioned that i am not against those who have a genuine case ... but my strong words are towards those cases where its considered an easy way out ... Please refer to post 41 .. I hope this clarifies it ...
Hi AE , I missed responding to you earlier , when you asked the same bit ...
I see your point ... The term lost it was used in the context of losing a relationship ettiquette and not to imply at all that someone has lost it ....
In post 41 I clarified my stance in a bit more detail. Divorce is something that we tumble upon quite alot these days ... and its very hard to see through individuals who have a genuine reason and those who are just covering up their former actions ...
In almost majority of my posts i mentioned that i am not against those who have a genuine case ... but my strong words are towards those cases where its considered an easy way out ... Please refer to post 41 .. I hope this clarifies it ...
gotcha... thanks for the clarification.
but who is say that someone has a genuine case or not? certainly not you and I.
What may seem like an easy way out to you may not be viewed as such for the couple involved.
CB ..majority of people..especially Muslims do seek divorce as a last resort. No one in their right mind wants to be dragged through hell (ie the divorce process) for the heck of it....most people think through it before jumping the gun and even more so when kids are involved.
CB..i agree with a lot of what you said..i have seen couples get divorced after 6, 4 and even 3 months..these cases wereones in which there was no physical assault involved..kidz just dont have any bardaash these days anymore..koi forgivness nehi heh koi rehm dil me nehi heh..too much anger..no patience..not wanting to put their egos to rest..not wanting to have to compromise..to ppl the institution of marriage has really become a joke..
..a marriage is soemthing one has to work at..nothing in this life comes easy..heck life itself is full of problems..that doesn't mean that we end our life right? ..so why are ppls o quick to end their marriage? ..cause its really easy as you said to point blame and cry and have ppl feel osrry for u..but its hard to work at soemthing..to tRy..to control ur anger..to minimze ur annoyances instead of blowing them up..et etc..
gotcha... thanks for the clarification.
but who is say that someone has a genuine case or not? certainly not you and I.
What may seem like an easy way out to you may not be viewed as such for the couple involved.
CB ..majority of people..especially Muslims do seek divorce as a last resort. No one in their right mind wants to be dragged through hell (ie the divorce process) for the heck of it....most people think through it before jumping the gun and even more so when kids are involved.
AE .. There are certain things that form a part of a society , culture and ultimately have an effect on our lives. Divorce is one such thing. It is strongly condemned in Islam. If it becomes so common and seen as an acceptable deed , then obviously it will become part of our culture , society and come back to bite us when our generations will think its alright to divorce and ignore Allah's strong condemnation of this deed.
Nj's question was about divorce being still considered a big taboo in our culture ... and I responded to that in a universal perspective that it is a taboo for a reason.
Now unfortunately some individuals have to go through difficult circumstances eg domestic violence and other serious life threatening issues and seek divorce ...** they are exceptions as i said before ... **
However there are several cases where difference of opinion or lack of compromise leads a situation to get worse and ends up in divorce ... in those cases i strongly believe that divorce can be avoided based on the fact that if a couple knows the strong words Allah has used for divorce , they will be pushed or encouraged to sort out their differences within the marriage framework . Fayax quoted an incident , which gives perfect example of what i am meaning to say.
Who am I to judge the reasons? I am part of this society , this culture , we all have responsiblity towards adopting positive actions and encouraging others to do the same and at the same time shunning negative traits in the cutlrue and society... when i was helping a cousin sister look for proposals , a few did come up who were divorced and i found it very hard to see through them ... I , as an individual am affected by what becomes a norm in our culture and society. hence I have the right to understand and establish various views on divorce.
I will be naive to think that every divorcee is innocent and just because they went through a difficult time , i should show them compassion. not everyone is innocent.
I hope this clarifies my perspective ...
Re: Chances of getting married again
hmmmmmm, I think someone who has been divorced would make a better potential partner because they probably wouldn't want to get divorced again so they would work really hard to maintain a good marriage and keep their new partner happy. They probably learned a thing or two from their previous marriage about what creates trouble in a relationship so they would avoid such things.
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I hope this clarifies my perspective ...
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It clarifies a lot for me. But I still disagree with certain aspects of your viewpoints as I'm sure you disagree with mine. And that's ok.
Might I suggest something though? You're right, it would be naive to think that all divorcees are innocent. Case in point, I know of someone who was, as I like to call him "a serial breaker-offer of relationships." Three broken engagements, one divorce and he's currently in a marriage that was accomplished by some very dishonest means on his part. The reason for his previous breakups? Well, apparently, he didn't like his ex-wife's laugh. Go figure.
They're not all innocent. And you did right when you questioned that rishta for your cousin. Here's the suggestion bit...really question it. Discuss and find out what really happened. Pray and if it seems right, I say take the chance. It's what I did. And I'm thankful to Allah everyday that I did.
hmmmmmm, I think someone who has been divorced would make a better potential partner because they probably wouldn't want to get divorced again so they would work really hard to maintain a good marriage and keep their new partner happy. They probably learned a thing or two from their previous marriage about what creates trouble in a relationship so they would avoid such things.
that DoEs make a lot of sense..good point..
It clarifies a lot for me. But I still disagree with certain aspects of your viewpoints as I'm sure you disagree with mine. And that's ok.
Might I suggest something though? You're right, it would be naive to think that all divorcees are innocent. Case in point, I know of someone who was, as I like to call him "a serial breaker-offer of relationships." Three broken engagements, one divorce and he's currently in a marriage that was accomplished by some very dishonest means on his part. The reason for his previous breakups? Well, apparently, he didn't like his ex-wife's laugh. Go figure.
They're not all innocent. And you did right when you questioned that rishta for your cousin. Here's the suggestion bit...really question it. Discuss and find out what really happened. Pray and if it seems right, I say take the chance. It's what I did. And I'm thankful to Allah everyday that I did.
u married a divorcee?..and ur happy?..aaw..how shweet..mashallah..
They're not all innocent. And you did right when you questioned that rishta for your cousin. Here's the suggestion bit...really question it. Discuss and find out what really happened. **Pray and if it seems right, I say take the chance. **It's what I did. And I'm thankful to Allah everyday that I did.
Now that's plain irresponsible. Why would you want to encourage someone like Chicken Biriyani, or anyone remotely related to her, to hook up with a divorced guy? what did they ever do to you? Unless of course you too believe that divorced people don't deserve any better.you chicken biriyani you.
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Now that's plain irresponsible. Why would you want to encourage someone like Chicken Biriyani, or anyone remotely related to her, to hook up with a divorced guy? what did they ever do to you? Unless of course you too believe that divorced people don't deserve any better.you chicken biriyani you.
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Come on now. Be nice :)
I think this thread has brought about a lot of strong opinions and emotions, but at the end of the day, everybody - divorced or not - deserves the benefit of the doubt. That's all I was trying to say.
Biryani, I know you have a pretty tough stance on divorce and you mentioned that it is okay if someone is being physically abused, etc. What about cheating? How do you feel about that? Do you think a couple should not get divorced if a one of them cheats on the other? Lets just say that, a partner cheating is the only flaw in the couple's marriage. Should they not get divorced?
Re: Chances of getting married again
my cousin got a divorce and remarried.
Re: Chances of getting married again
TT01, cheating is not a minor flaw ... a marriage stands on trust and if either partner breaks the trust then clearly it will affect their relationship... its very very very hard to forgive a partner who cheats ....
Men never forgive cheating ... as for women, i have seen a few who give one final chance to their husbands and try to work out on their relationship ... and then there are others who are not able to forgive this grave sin specially if the partner has gone so far as commiting adultery.
I think it largely depends on the couple involved ... but if they do choose to get divorced , then clearly this is a good enough reason to seek divorce ... though once i was attending a Dawah seminar and a woman questioned an islamic scholar about what she should do about her husband who had accepted he had an affair and comited adultery.. the scholar said to her that in the first instance she should be ready to forgive him only if he seeks repentance for his deeds and promises to never cross the line again. But if there is no repentence then it gives her a strong reason to end the marriage.
WOW… garam garam discussion chal rahi hai… lol (TLK send some pakoray and chai plz :D)
See ladies and gentle..errrrrrrr.. (error occured) jk ;), simple is that you cannot take the right of re-marrying from anyone. Widow or divorcee man or woman both can very much re-marry. Divroce should be a last resort to sort out the issues. But there should be some** real** reason for it. And yes no doubt Allah knows whose reason was real and who was just trying to make/give a reason. At the end we all are answerable to Him.
AE what you said above abt Eastern ppl is correct to some extent. But the situation is not that miserable as you have depicted. They are also human beings with a heart , emotions and feelings. So plz do not say that they are willing to so n so. If any woman or a man is ready to tolerate more just to “save face” or “for the sake of children” I dont think so there is something wrong with it. Rather he/she needs to be appreciated and encourged for being so strong and loyal to the promise she/he made to his/her Lord and his/her partner rather saying that he/she wants to live a loveless meaningless life.
The main difference what I see in East and West is, first, the Patience issue. In West patience level is low. Because the woman there is more independent. The more independant a lady is, the lower patience level would be. Whereas for men its the opportunities available to them in the market. Gals are so easily available that they can have 2-3 at a time 
.
On the contrary in East, specially the ladies, have more patience level, may be more tolerant and understand the position of husband and over all meaning of marriage because in East the Family Values still exists, they are alive and considered as something highly important. Then there are those gals n boys too who have grown up in such strict environment that they are more like robots and less human hence them thinking about divorce is out of question.
Secondly there is attitude problem. If my husband forbids me from doing something, i am not going to stand infront of his face and tell him “Who are you to tell me this? My father never stopped me. Or I am spending my OWN money. I am not taking from you” etc. This attitude is absolutely wrong and will ultimately lead you to something you never had thought of. This attitude is more seen and practiced in West. Why the difference in attitudes? Coz In west you see it happening all around you, so intentionally or unintentionally you are learning from your surrounding, your mind is picking it up and storing it inside. While in East this attitude is Still not very common. But I am afraid, the way woman is getting independant there, this attitude will be seen more. Sad though
Thirdly, kind of most imp one too, the infidelity issue. No doubt once again that too is more common in West. Cheating on your partner, or generally speaking, Cheating as an act itself is end of the strongest relationship regardless what type of relation. You break someoens’ trust, you have lost it.
Now if we talk about religion, then Allah has not promised anyone a good happy shappy fairytale kind of marriage life to anyone (unless you marry FairyTale :halo: ) . But yes the choice is given to you to choose. Marriage, what our religon says, is about LOVE, MERCY and TOLERANCE and I will add one from myside Respect factor. if you are able to maintain any of the two out of four, your marriage life will work just fine.
Be careful while chosing your partner. Marriage may not be the end of life but there is nothing beautiful to be with one special person for your whole life. Divorce is a Sharr / Buraiee and its spreading fast. Not a good sign.
Secondly there is attitude problem. If my husband forbids me from doing something, i am not going to stand infront of his face and tell him "Who are you to tell me this? My father never stopped me. Or I am spending my OWN money. I am not taking from you" etc. This attitude is absolutely wrong and will ultimately lead you to something you never had thought of. This attitude is more seen and practiced in West. Why the difference in attitudes? Coz In west you see it happening all around you, so intentionally or unintentionally you are learning from your surrounding, your mind is picking it up and storing it inside. While in East this attitude is Still not very common. But I am afraid, the way woman is getting independant there, this attitude will be seen more. Sad though :(
It is so not fair to say that women gaining independence or thinking for themselves is a bad thing in the East.
I don't wanna go off on a tangent here, but man I can't believe that anyone can think this way...but w/e...lets just stick to divorce
Re: Chances of getting married again
I knew someone was going to point this out but well I still stick to my point as its true.. :(
"khuda ganjay ko nakhun na de" <<< women independence (excessive) is something like this saying.
but well lets stick to the divorce topic.
Re: Chances of getting married again
I hope this thread isnt about divorcees being trashed or anything.
I'll be honest...I dont find anything wrong with a divorcee. If anything, they are more committed to making a relationship work because its their second time getting into one...its no joke to them anymore and they take it much more seriously then people are giving them credit for. Trusting someone is extremely hard for people who have been through a serious relationship that didnt work out. Its not a joke and for the ones who are thinking divorce is a peace of cake for people who have to go through it: You are living in La-La Land...there are some who abuse the system but majority of the divorces that happen are not because of irresponsible people just wanting out of a relationship. Its because it seriously isnt working and there is no use dragging two people through hell and back just to satisfy a bunch of strangers who have nothing to do with the relationship.
Yes, it makes it a lot harder on the women then men but times are changing and Im seeing a lot more divorced women finding happiness in their second relationship because they are wiser and are following their own instincts rather then their parents'.
What is so bad about a divorced man or woman?
What is so bad about a divorced man or woman?
agree nothing wrong :@: