I don’t know what you people call it, but we memons have a 40 day mourning period after a family member’s death. In this mourning period, there is much reading of the Quran and people try to read the Quran as many times as possible and to pray for blessings for the soul in honor of it.
In addition to that, family members, even far away family members, are not permitted to celebrate. This includes Eid celebrations. They will only allow for Eid namaz, but no khushi manaaing after that.
Additionally, all vacations must be cancelled. All outings cancelled.
So, my chaachi’s father died, and I am expected to cancel all my celebrations as well.
When I was in high school, I had a hindu friend who informed me that they have a similar tradition, and I believe their mourning period was also 40 days. It occurred to me that this chailam period may be a remnant hindu tradition rather than a muslim tradition, OR that the hindus have borrowed this tradition from their old muslim leaders of the Mughul empire.
The only thing I ever heard about Islamically was a period of 3 days of mourning. But I’m not even sure if my memory serves me correctly there.
Can anyone inform me as to what is expected of family members regarding mourning? Is this chailam period an Islamic tradition or an old Hindu tradition?
Re: Chaihlam: 40 Days of Mourning - Important Question
Question on Death ( Mawt )
Answered by Dr. Abu Ameenah Bilal Philips
Q. What are the Islamic practices concerning mourning of the dead?
A. The principles set by the Sunnah are very clear. The mourning period of a widow is 4 months and 10 day (also stated in the Quran, Chapter 2 (Soorah Al-Baqarah), Verse 234) and for anyone else is three days. It is Islamically acceptable to pray for the dead (Janaza prayer) as well as to visit the individual's grave, but to set up a special gathering that takes place after 3, 7, 40 days or every year after the person has died, these are innovations. It is prohibited in Islam to lay the dead body to be seen by others. In Islam, we are ordered to bury a person as quickly as possible so that an obsession for mourning for the individual does not arise. Sometimes, due to the mourning of an individual, people are driven by grief to do and say things which may be displeasing to Allah and that is why Islam encourages a very quick burial.
Re: Chaihlam: 40 Days of Mourning - Important Question
Some people in Pakistan have the following restrictions on women if their hubby dies;
Would 'imprison' even an 80 year old woman indoors for 4 months 10 days.
She cannot step out.
She is discouraged from meeting people.
In extreme cases she won't be allowed to wear new clothes
Neither look decently groomed
Nor talk to men on phone
She must wear white clothes only
And she is barred from attending any ceremonies even at home!
And more.
This cruel behavior among Muslims (even in the West) finds its roots in the Hindu culture and the Biblical heritage.
For very scientific, psycho-physiological reasons, the ONLY restriction according to the Qur'an is REMARRIAGE for some time - three menstruations for a divorced woman, three months if she does not have any periods, and four months ten days for a widow.
Re: Chaihlam: 40 Days of Mourning - Important Question
"They are not permitted to CELEBRATE."
But I am little bit quarries about the term “CELEBRATION” itself in context of islam.
What do we do in vacations so we should cancel those? Do we consider all our outings, celebrations so we consider to cancel them because we are not allowed to celebrate them in case of any mourning period. (in case)
Do we really “CELEBRATE” Eid. Is there anybody (ANYBODY) who is not allowed to spend Eid days as we should spend, in any case. I think no body. We spend the Eid day as Eid days even if somebody die on Eid day.
What is “khushi manana” ? are we not Happy in other days. Should we be Happy specifically when we see the current problems of Human being especially Muslims all around the world.
What is more important to us? what is less important to us. I think it should be All for Allah.
Re: Chaihlam: 40 Days of Mourning - Important Question
2ndly this 40 days, 20 days or even 35 or 37 days are for some social reasons. In these days communication means are fast. People can travel from one city to another even in 1 days.
In older times, because of lack of communications and other problems for example (1) “leave from job for a bit longer period urgently” (2) business etc, it was not possible for all family members to get together for condolence right after the dead of somebody even to get together in the first week was difficult. Not only the family member get together but neighbors and friends from one village but from other neighboring village get together for condolence. That is why the elder decide a date after 35, 37 or 40 days on some weekend that all family members, neighbors friends, (even friends’ friends) from the same village or from neighboring villages will get together again on such and such date for condolence and for recitation of Quran and Duas.
This why they save the time; less hassle. Everybody was able to meet everybody. Not only for one condolences but for many other condolences and for some other social reasons.
They don’t do this for every death. But for the death of some prominent personality. Like grandfather, for death of a young man in some accident etc. not for ordinary person like me. It has also seen that family elder made an announcement to get together in days which were closer to Eid days. Even days which were close to some marriage.
This more cultural and social thing rather than some ruling in religious.
If somebody dont like to go; it depends how much he is attached with his famaily and family system.
Re: Chaihlam: 40 Days of Mourning - Important Question
Iddah (Waiting Period) of a Widow
If a woman is free and is not pregnant and her husband dies, she should observe Iddah (the waiting period) for four months and ten days, that is, she should not marry during that period even if she has entered into menopause or her husband had contracted temporary marriage with her, or he may not have had sexual intercourse with her. If, however, she is pregnant, she should observe the waiting period till the birth of the child. But if the child is born before the end of four months and ten days from the death of her husband, she should wait till the expiry of that period. This period is called the waiting period after death (Iddatul Wafat).
It is haraam for a woman who is observing the Iddah of death to wear brightly coloured dress, or to use surma and to do any such act which is considered to be an adornment.
If a woman becomes certain that her husband has died, and marries another man after the completion of Iddah of death, and later on learns that her husband had died later, she should separate herself from her second husband. And as a precaution, if she is pregnant, she should observe Iddah of divorce for the second husband till she gives birth to a child, and should thereafter observe Iddah of death for the first husband. But if she is not pregnant, she should first observe Iddah of death for her first husband and thereafter she should observe Iddah of divorce for the second husband.
The Iddah of death begins, in the situation when the husband has disappeared or is absent, when the wife learns of his death, and not from the time when he actually died. But this rule does not apply to a wife who has not attained the age of Bulugh, or if she is insane.
If a woman says that her Iddah is over, her word can be accepted unless she is known to be unreliable, in which case, her word will not be accepted. For example, if she claims to have seen blood three times in the month, her claim will not be trusted, except when her women relatives confirm that it is her habit.
Re: Chaihlam: 40 Days of Mourning - Important Question
If “Party” mean to have lunch or dinner with friends & Family and have some Gupshup with them; there is no harm in it. Whether you have invited them or somebody else has invited you for that.
If there is something else which is already unlawful in Islam. That is unlawful in any case. Whether someone is died or not in family or friends. This is no relation to that.
Actually everybody has his own view about “Celebration”, “Party”, enjoyment or happiness things etc.
Re: Chaihlam: 40 Days of Mourning - Important Question
Pakistani version of Islam so depresses me.
Some of these things are innovations and our Mullahs didn’t tell us because they are greedy.
In our village they ‘celebrate’ all this 40-day anniversary by everyone mourning for forty days then having a feast on the fortieth day after the relatives death when animals are sacrificed and cooked into stew in massive clay pots by the village barber (yes our barbers are two in one chef-barber), this meat stew is then served to Mullahs and the poor and anyone else who wants to eat, the reward for this is supposed to go to the dead.
We also have something called ‘Thursdays’, where a sweet dish consisting of semolina, butter, sugar, milk, sultanas, almonds is cooked and sent to the Mullah/Peer and his students on every Thursday till the forty days are over.
And on the first Eid after a close relatives death the family usually don’t celebrate properly, the foods are cooked and everyone invited round for dinner but there is no extra things like music, decorations etc. and the elders don’t wear new clothes but rather just a clean pair of old ones after a bath just like Fridays, but it doesn’t make much difference to us because we’re out all day and still dress up the same in fancy Sherwanis and stuff.