Well things are strained at home b/c C made a HUGE deal out of it.
Well perhaps it does mean a lot to him, right? I know it does to me.. I want my husband to treat my parents with respect and at least get along. And I don't want a situation where they refuse to be in the same room together.
There is no "probably". He could have and should have handled it better so it didn't escalate. He knows his wife doesn't like his parents and with all the drama going on with the trip.....he should have enough sense to realize what a horrible idea it was for him to try to get her to talk to them. He simply should've told them she was in the shower/bathroom/napping whatever.
In retrospect, yes. Hindsight is always 20/20.
Don't the in-laws ever visit them? What does the wife do then? Or has she refused to allow them into their home? Was this an arranged or love marriage? How did she act towards them before the wedding day?
They've visited once before. Now she does not want them to visit till she has a kid. Not sure if it was arranged or love.
Well perhaps it does mean a lot to him, right? I know it does to me.. I want my husband to treat my parents with respect and at least get along. And I don't want a situation where they refuse to be in the same room together.
No one wants that situation. As you already stated, this isn't anything new. She has been like this since immediately after marriage. At this point, it's not like he's surprised by this. C can want his wife to get long with his parents all he wants. But if the wife isn't willing to put an effort into it....there is nothing C can do EXCEPT decide how long he's willing to tolerate her behavior.
By creating a big deal out of this....what did C accomplish? She still hasn't changed her mind about his parents. Things are strained at home and by him not controlling his emotions......it even got his parents involved and now they actually have a reason to think badly of his wife.....which in turn validates her accusations. Not only did C create tension in his home but now even his parents/brother are stressed b/c now they're wondering what the heck is going on.
They've visited once before. Now she does not want them to visit till she has a kid. .
It looks like it's time for C to sit down and really evaluate just how much he's willing to sacrifice for this marriage. If she's actually against even having his parents visit the house they share...then C really needs to think about if this is the woman who should be the mother of his child/children. He needs to be fully aware of the fact that her attitude might not change even after having a child.
I actually know someone similar...who basically has watched so many bad MIL/DIL situations on TV that she has a hard time accepting that her MIL is just a normal human being with feelings and everything. These type of situations really require that the husband uses his brain and doesn't allow the DIL or MIL to be unfair to each other. In this situation, I would tell C to just go to Australia and enjoy. Some people feed off of such attention, even if its negative. She is probably afraid of not being center of attention and having to share the spotlight with the new baby or other members of family. Sad.
I don't know about other countries but in US mother can say she doesn't want her children to travel without her. Recently, we have applied for Pakistan visa for our son and I had to attach a notarized consent letter with the application.
There's more to this than meets the eye and I am not saying this in favor of C's wife.
In general, unless she's mental...people don't act like this.
I would just go without her to Australia and let her go to India...it sounds like she'd ruin his trip anyhow.
There are people who invent drama and sabotage relationships, maybe out of their own insecurities or maybe out of boredom. What the OP has described doesn't seem out of the realm of possibility, tho I'm sure we don't have the whole story.
As for the husband telling his parents that the wife doesn't want to come, I think even if he hadn't said anything they would've seen through whatever story he invented. It's not like they are unaware of the tension.
your friend should go alone and meet his family in Australia. he would be meeting his brother after 6 years and i am sure he would not like that to be spoiled by the bad attitude and mood of his wife( i.e.if she goes with him out of compulsion).
he should let his wife visit India alone, if she would be nagged over there by her own family about why her husband not visiting along then good for her. let her face it by herself.
I wouldn't go either. For an entire two weeks, being trapped with my inlaws!! NO WAY.
Hubby wants to go on vacation with his parents and I told him he could go, but not to expect me to join him. We were going on vacation last year and his family decided to join us after contemplating for months. FIL wanted to be a brat and didn't come with us. As soon as FIL saw all the pics, he asked if we could go again and take him with us…. arghh. Plus, this year we were planning on going with my family but hubby created drama b/c all of a sudden his dad kept asking to go to disney world.
Thus, I told hubby nope. I rather stay home alone than go on another vacation with his family. It was torture! Just the planning had hubby and I fighting for months. He wanted to pay for his mother and married sister, while asking me to pay for myself. LMAO. Plus, he said his mom would be sleeping in our hotel room. Obviously that didn't happen and I stood my ground. But I would NEVER EVER visit hubby's family for an entire two weeks. I see them every Friday and that is bad enough.
Seriously there is something seriously Erling with pakistani men! I found that out after i got married! I wish I knew this before I got married would have saved me a lot of headache
I wouldn't go either. For an entire two weeks, being trapped with my inlaws!! NO WAY.
Hubby wants to go on vacation with his parents and I told him he could go, but not to expect me to join him. We were going on vacation last year and his family decided to join us after contemplating for months. FIL wanted to be a brat and didn't come with us. As soon as FIL saw all the pics, he asked if we could go again and take him with us…. arghh. Plus, this year we were planning on going with my family but hubby created drama b/c all of a sudden his dad kept asking to go to disney world.
Thus, I told hubby nope. I rather stay home alone than go on another vacation with his family. It was torture! Just the planning had hubby and I fighting for months. He wanted to pay for his mother and married sister, while asking me to pay for myself. LMAO. Plus, he said his mom would be sleeping in our hotel room. Obviously that didn't happen and I stood my ground. But I would NEVER EVER visit hubby's family for an entire two weeks. I see them every Friday and that is bad enough.
Because he is a mommy’s boy and his mom, a grown woman, can’t sleep in a room by herself. She can’t even stay home alone ever! Apparently, she gets scared. This is how all the women in their family are. I find it to be so weird.
Hahahah.. I wish I knew too.
I agree. I absolutely can not stand her anymore. Everytime I go visit on Friday, she asks me to stitch ever an outfit.
Sorry to derail your thread OP, but maybe this girl has a similar situation. Maybe she just cannot stand her inlaws anymore. If the hubby goes by himself it will save everyone a lot of trouble. You mentioned that the inlaws did do a few things to her so her reactions may be justified.
^That's what I was thinking and if true it could be understandable that she isn't keen to go visit them..
She isn't stopping her husband from going so I doubt she's as bad as she's being made out to be.. Agree with those who said that there's definitely more to this story..
I wouldn't go either. For an entire two weeks, being trapped with my inlaws!! NO WAY.
Hubby wants to go on vacation with his parents and I told him he could go, but not to expect me to join him. We were going on vacation last year and his family decided to join us after contemplating for months. FIL wanted to be a brat and didn't come with us. As soon as FIL saw all the pics, he asked if we could go again and take him with us…. arghh. Plus, this year we were planning on going with my family but hubby created drama b/c all of a sudden his dad kept asking to go to disney world.
Thus, I told hubby nope. I rather stay home alone than go on another vacation with his family. It was torture! Just the planning had hubby and I fighting for months. He wanted to pay for his mother and married sister, while asking me to pay for myself. LMAO. Plus, he said his mom would be sleeping in our hotel room. Obviously that didn't happen and I stood my ground. But I would NEVER EVER visit hubby's family for an entire two weeks. I see them every Friday and that is bad enough.
I understand your situation.. perhaps C's wife has had a really bad experience...
However I really think she is over dramatizing because she has never had to spend a lot of time with her in laws. She must have spent a maximum of 2-3 months with them in 6 years of marriage (C and wife came to the US right after they got married). Plus I know that C is not the typical mama's boy and he stands up for his wife whenever needed.
Anyway yeah it is probably best for him to go alone. That is where things lie for now. She is going to India and he is going to Aus.
Im curious, how do you know so much about their relationships to conclude her side of the story?
Agree with others, theres more to her side of the story. Even if she has spent very little time with them, something could have happened during then to make her not want to put herself in that situation again. And if this girl really has some preconceived notions about inlaws in her mind, and even 6 years of being married to this family didn't change that (if nothing really happened and she truly is a drama queen) then theres something wrong there. I would assume someone would eventually come to some kind of understanding after being married in a family for so long where nothing happened.
I can also understand a husband wanting to take his wife along to visit his family so unless they have some deep rooted issues, people don't usually behave like that, especially a couple that loves each other. This story is just strange..
On a total side note.....I find it very....unusual....that a male co-worker is sharing SO much details of his marital life/issues with you (unless you two are also good friends outside of work too and his wife is aware of the close friendship). Personally, I know if I ever found out that my husband was discussing our marital life to this extent with a female co-worker.....I'd be furious!
On a total side note.....I find it very....unusual....that a male co-worker is sharing SO much details of his marital life/issues with you (unless you two are also good friends outside of work too and his wife is aware of the close friendship).
Not sure what you're insinuating, but maybe you've never heard of friendship - sharing your troubles is generally a part of it. And yes, I know his wife outside of work, we've met (him her me and my husband) several times.
Personally, I know if I ever found out that my husband was discussing our marital life to this extent with a female co-worker.....I'd be furious!
