Hi
I was wondering how much does it matters for a person living in the west and having to marry someone in their own caste system.
For me my parents don’t mind at all, they just want someone who is compatible, but on the other hand my best friend born and raised in the west her parents want her to marry in thier “bradri”, btw she is punjabi and we are urdu speaking .
I wanted to know do people still worry about caste system in this day and age.
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I know here the Pakistani and Indian communities do not mind much. Its enough they find a desi. Sometimes where there is more choice people think marrying within caste or within family by marrying cousins they will keep family traditions alive. Although how many people living abroad follow all their family traditions passed on.
For me it is not an issue. More Pakistani and desi families are against children marrying non-Pakistanis and non-desis especially females. There is this terrible double standard where some people think it is ok for them to date out but a girl can't.
I wouldnt my child marrying out of caste or colour or race as long as the boy is good and decent and respects our culture.
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Some families in the west take it VERY seriously, others do not. It's a big mix. To be honest it's all about personal choice. But to treat someone badly because they are of a different caste, that's where we have problems.
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It's hard as it is to find a spouse and to narrow it down with caste preferences just makes it so much more difficult. I know of a family who's daughter was approaching in her late 20s and her parents were hell bent on a guy from a certain caste. She couldn't find any of the compatible and finally when her parents broadened their horizons, low and behold she found someone.
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Yes it still happens, I overheard my dad saying to my mum ...if the girls choose someone of their own accord...Great have fun but we will part ways ...the only way I am happy is to marry one of 3 cousins based in pakistan because they are the 'best ones to keep the girls happy'.
so yes it happens
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Yeah, it still happens.
We don't subscribe to this caste business in my family but I have seen people who are very particular about it.
Why would you limit yourself though? There is an entire world out there to meet...WHO cares what his last name is as long as he's cute? ;)
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What’s to stop people lying about their caste?
Do people do it? 
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Coffeegirl, are you ok? Has your situation gotten any easier?
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Lol good question.
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Nope..our family do not care about caste..however..my parent's preference would prefer..that i choose punjabi girl. Again..it is not a problem if she belongs to any other caste. Btw..i wouldn't marry in Indian Muslim community..that is my preference.
I think my grandmother (only elder left above parents) at least would prefer it for us granchildren but is realistic enough to accept it's not always possible. Parents don't mind at all.
Following from this, I think this is caste related maybe someone can clarify but on my nikah day my aunt and mum were joking with me as we'd done a khatam and made halva and they told me to have some because after I'm married I can't eat the same halva that's been read on in family khatam? I thought they were joking but they said it's not from them but humoring my gran (who's quite serious on this) that as I am married outside the khandan that from now, with in house khatams etc I can't eat the food lol. My parents etc take it in jest but as I said my gran seems to take it seriously. I think it's interesting to know, they tried explaining it to me as much as my offended self would listen at the time!
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Nope..our family do not care about caste..however..my parent's preference would prefer..that i choose punjabi girl. Again..it is not a problem if she belongs to any other caste. Btw..i wouldn't marry in Indian Muslim community..that is my preference.
Why do you have that preference? If you found a stunning girl, clever, funny, warm hearted would you reject her just because her passport is different?
Weird.
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i am from da targaryens, pls bow to me (and marry me)
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Bro, do you even dragons? (do you have a brother? That's how Targs roll)
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Why do you have that preference? If you found a stunning girl, clever, funny, warm hearted would you reject her just because her passport is different? Weird.
Not weird all. People have preferences..and i do have my own preferences.
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ONLY the ignorant and backward people think that Biradari is more important than Islam.
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Not weird all. People have preferences..and i do have my own preferences.
Why though? There must be a reason. Just cause Indians are all evil because the Pakistan army says so? Seriously am not being a twat, just interested in why racism/xenophobia or whatver you want to call it still exists.
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Some families in the west take it VERY seriously, others do not. It's a big mix. To be honest it's all about personal choice. But to treat someone badly because they are of a different caste, that's where we have problems.
i LIKED your username! :)
are you a "Dulhaniya-to-be"? :p
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Why though? There must be a reason. Just cause Indians are all evil because the Pakistan army says so? Seriously am not being a twat, just interested in why racism/xenophobia or whatver you want to call it still exists.
How is that racism? We like to throw with these terms, don't we?
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I think there are 3 types or categories of people and the caste system.
1 is the ones who are VERY serious about the caste system and would take any opportunity to state what caste they are. I am a UK born and raised girl and when I was at school with other UK pakistanis, I came across a few who liked to state what caste they are and tell other pakistanis (such as myself) that our castes are low and that they are the best. They would always google their own caste and boast about it. The funny thing was however, that in fact (not hating) but these people's caste's were lowest and the people she made fun of was highest (no, Im not going to disclose which and what castes there are). I never said anything about other castes however because it's a good thing to be open minded and what are you going to do with caste systems? Yes, caste systems are probably a big thing in the east but in the west they have no significance whatsoever! I cannot stress this enough, everyONE is equal! In fact, many people (who i know) are now getting married to different castes and even races i.e. bengali and a pakistani marriage or arab and pakistani marriage etc.
The second type are the fencers. These people are on the fence. They both are proud of their caste but do not force their opinions of others 'LOW' castes down their throat. They probably would marry in their own caste but will limit to how much out of their caste they can go.
The third is the ones that are very open minded and liberal about castes who do not give 2 s**** about any caste system and would let a pakistani marry anyone that is muslim....and who doesn't even have to be a pakistani.