Career Women v. Stay-At-Home-Wives

Pinstripe_Danda · July 28, 2005, 5:21pm

Re: “He’s just not that into you!”

Yeah there are tons of research papers to prove the converse as well, and those don;t come in a twinkies wrapper.

So did your mom work or was she a homemaker?

Mine did…

lets do a case study… on confidence, development intellectual, physical and sociological.

mAd_ScIeNtIsT · July 28, 2005, 5:47pm

Re: “He’s just not that into you!”

So THAT explains what went wrong…

geek · July 28, 2005, 5:58pm

Re: "He's just not that into you!"

^ yea atleast he has an excuse. What's yours?

Impulse · July 28, 2005, 10:11pm

Re: “He’s just not that into you!”

PyariCgudia:

I agree with hiccup. I think career women expect more out of their men, and if you look at our desi population, its really hard to find men who are proffessionals or have a great career who are WILLING to have a wife that also works. Most proffesional men I know that are desi want someone to sit at home all day and do ghar ka kaam. As if career women can’t balance that.

Most of the girls I know that are in professional school are having a real tough time finding a good guy, although there are guys out there. But then, I think the girls I know tend to be more picky just in general.

If they just looked for someone who has a decent career and is okay with working women, they’d have great luck. But they have these silly expectations. Like his facial features, or his sisters, or that he seems fem.

I helped one of my friends who just finished med school to try to find a guy. That girl found something negative about everyone she was introduced to. Although the guys were awesome catches.

She met this guy who is in law school, and guess what the complaint was?

He talks like a girl.

So there is definitely more to the picture than what you think - which is why career women have tough luck at times. It just depends on how realistic you are.

Im doing pharmacy myself…which i guess u can class as a successful career…but I dont expect him to be successful as such. In fact, I dont see myself being married to a doctor/pharmacist…because generally they do tend to think alot of themselves…so id rather marry a person who is just average:)

PyariCgudia · July 28, 2005, 10:22pm

Re: "He's just not that into you!"

CM, I'd be glad to answer your queries, since this is something that I've been looking into myself a lot as I've been trying to make career choices.

But its off topic. This thread should be split, and then I'll be glad to reply in a new thread.

looks at watch Knowing how busy the mods are with their own lives, that wont happen for like 3 more days :D

Mehnaz · July 28, 2005, 10:25pm

Re: "He's just not that into you!"

By all means PCG, respond here. I am going through the thread now. If it needs to be split, it will be, if not, don't expect any changes. :)

PyariCgudia · July 28, 2005, 10:53pm

Re: “He’s just not that into you!”

Ok Mehnaz Although definitely, the thread should be split - but whatever floats your boat.

CM:

Then PCG tell why so many working women are single?

Pose stats to back up your impressions - otherwise, this is simply an impression you have.

It may be a great life style and may help bring in the cash, but personally i put the well being of the family before the cash or money that is being brought in.

I hope you’re not implying that making money should be the first and primary reason for a married woman (with kids) to have a job.

Additionally what happens if you have kids. I am completely against the concept of having a nanny or having my “kids” come home to an empty house at the tender ages of 6 to 12. Call me old fashioned or narrow minded but when the kids come home they should have some to great them at the door ask about their day and fill them with confidence and joy. Only a mother can do that. No nanny or servant can do that.

Nor am I saying a woman with a family SHOULD have a job. Rather the choice should be up to her, and if she’s a mature intelligent woman, she’ll work it out such that her family will have time. See more responses below.

There are plenty of jobs that allow you to come home at a reasonable time. Also keep in mind, that its healthy for kids to be in daycare and in preschool - stats show that kids in preschool tend to do better in school later (or so one of my middle school teachers told us, and that’s great since I went to preschool )

There are two ages you need to worry about as a parent. Pre-education age (before you put them in KG or in Preschool) and education age.

Education age is no problem, because the kid is in school until 2. So mom just needs to find a job that she can do until 2 :k:

Lots of such jobs:

Teacher (works great, cuz you get out the same time your kid gets out)

Medicine - hospital shifts can be arranged - you can leave at 12 pm or 1 pm roughly if you start your shift early in the morning. If you have your own practice - even the better - more flexibility. Also hospitals and practices in many countries do “time-sharing” - system made-specifically for moms.

Allied health careers - all operate on shifts - you just have to arrange to get the right shift.

Law - its pretty individual from what I hear and depends on where you work - I’ve seen
ladies bringing their kids to work - they just chill in the office until mom is done with the work day - if its an independent or small-group practice, that is fabulous - you just arrange for the right times to meet with your clients. Hearings are scheduled flexibly I believe. I know moms who are lawyers who pick their kids up on time and take them to work if they need to do some more work for the day. :k:

Now these are careers I’m familiar with. I’m sure other people here can add more. From what I understand it can get nasty in the business field if you’re working for a firm.

business - privately owned - great stuff - you pick your own darn hours - especially if its a family run business :k:

So you see there are lots and lots of jobs out there that are conducive to women. You just have to pick the right one and pick one that is good about maternity leave, etc.

Now for pre-education age - which gets tricky:

I read an article in Time magazine some months or a year back - good stuff - they talked about how a lot of working moms are choosing to take a few years off from work until baby is raised and is in school. Many careers allow for it. And some careers, its hard to get back into the field, since so much time has gone by. Some careers allow you to do part-time so that you can keep your skills fresh. It depends on the career and the firm you work with - if you’re a good worker, you’ll be able to find the right place to work that satisfies your needs.

Also, many families have grandmothers and grandfathers who live with them - joint family systems - and since the elderly have nothing else to do - they spend time with the child during the morning when mom is away from work. And then mom is back home in the afternoon evening.

Secondly tell me one job anywhere around the world which is 9 to 5. That may have been true in the 60s. Not anymore. Every job has over time. Every job has hiccups and problems. Every job has issues where you will leave the home.

Not true - depends on the job. If its a high profile job, then yes, overtime is necessary. But many fields work differently. Like I said, in many fields you have shifts. So you pick the right shift. In many fields you can take your work home, so you do your “overtime” at home. In many fields, you can work out of your own home. One of my professors did consulting for some major tech companies - and she worked out of an office in her home, since she just had a newborn baby and she had another that was a 5 year old.

It depends. You can’t judge based upon the UN where you work. Their system is different - and not every place runs along those work hours.

Secondly who takes care of the home, the shopping et al. when both are working?

You are single. You work. From what I understand of your previous posts, there was a time or is now, that you live on your own.

How the hell did you do your groceries?

You probably did them in the evenings, or on the weekends, right?

In my home, all our shopping is done on weekends, and if we need something out of the blue during the week, someone picks it up on the way home from work.

Shopping is not rocket science…

Cleaning - same thing. Weekends and evenings.

Dude, I lived on my own, and if you ever saw my schedule, you’d think I was insane with the loads of work I was doing. I found time to keep my dorm room clean, and do whatever shopping I needed. Plus, during Ramadan, I cooked using the dorm kitchens. I found my time, and I can guarantee you, that very few people worked the hours I did between studying and working :k:

One problem i have seen personally we desans who have lived abroad is that they want it all. They want a man that works hard and gets the cash and as well comes home early so they can spend quality together.

Well depends. Personally, if a guy is telling me that I shouldn’t work so that I can spend quality time with the kids, then I would be expecting him to get home at a decent hour so that he can spend time with the kids as well.

Kids don’t just need the mom, they need dad too - I think desi men don’t understand this well.

If she wants to work she should. But he should be at her beck and call whenever she wants him. Personally its that education is not seen as necessity but rather as a mark of arrogance. Oh i have a BA and am working at UBS, now i need a husband who is built like a model, earns 200,000 more than me, has a yacth and vacations in aruba once a month.

Hmm…I don’t know about that…I personally haven’t met many girls who go that extreme in their thinking.

Its more like - hey I got a university education, and I’d like to marry someone who also had a university education. Or something along those lines. Of course you have the occasional - I have a PhD, so my man should be working in a fortune 500 company…but that’s rare.

And frankly, that has nothing to do with teh girl’s education - its not the education that causes that attitude. Its that THAT IS her inherent atttitude - she wants the best, and THEREFORE, she got a great education, and THEREFORE she wants someone working a hotshot job.

But frankly, I think there is more to husband hunting than looking at what job the guy has. The biggest jerks I have met, honestly, were the ones that were going to medical school or to law school or some other professional school after which they would be making a nice pay.

I think what is more common than that are the girls who are getting great degrees…and their families are only supporting them because it will help those girls get good rishtaas. Then once they get married, they don’t do anything with the degree. Not only is that arrogant, but its inconsiderate and it shows that this girl and her family are not worth it - would you want to marry someone who is an ass and taking up a great seat in a program - where someone else who REALLY wants that career could have gotten the seat if it hadn’t been for Ms. I’m-doing-this-to-get-a-rishtaa ?

Having an education and a job doesn’t make you special. It makes you normal. Desans need to understand that.

I disagree - if your educaton and job mean a lot to you and you’re trying to pursue a subject that you’re really interested in - then that is your benchmark - its what makes you special.

And that goes for both men and women. I personally identify WHO someone is by WHAT they do. If they’re in law and fighting for women’s rights - then that’s WHO they are. They are proponents of women’s rights. If they’re nurses - then that’s WHO they are - they NURSE. etc etc.

PyariCgudia · July 28, 2005, 11:02pm