TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and
the economy grows.You sell them and retire on the income.
AMERICAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the output
of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
FRENCH CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
JAPANESE CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow
cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.
GERMAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You order them to both produce twice as much milk in the
same amount of time. When they don’t, you shoot one. The other starts
producing four times as much milk."
ITALIAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You break for lunch.
RUSSIAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have four cows. You count
them again and learn you have eight cows. You count them again and learn you
have sixteen cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
POLISH CAPITALISM
You have two cows. Both are stolen from Germany.
SWISS CAPITALISM
You have 5,000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for
storing them and paint them purple.
HINDU CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You worship them.
ISRAELI CAPITALISM
You have two cows. To protect their freedom you invade neighbouring pastures
and shoot all cows grazing on there claiming to fight terrorism.
CHINESE CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full
employment, high bovine prodivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the
numbers.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company,
using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get
all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of
the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company
secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven
cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns
eight cows, with an option on one more. No balance sheet provided with the
release. The public buys your bull.
GREEK CAPITALISM
You have two cows. That one on the left is kind of cute . . .
BRITISH CAPITALISM
You have two cows. Both are mad.