Husband and I got into an argument about something his parents were being stubborn about. He stood up for me but they were adamant with their decision, and after getting tired of being stuck in the middle, he let out all his anger on me. In his fury, he said alot of things to me which he shouldn't have, and expects me to make the compromises. I got fed up too and told him okay but don't expect my respect for you and your family to stay the same after this. A day later, he apologized to me but things are just not the same at my end. It's been nearly 10 days, and I don't even feel like talking to him. My conversations are forced, I just don't feel like being nice to him. Talking to him just puts me in a bad mood and even the smallest thing irks me to start arguing with him and bring up what he did days before. I brought it up again today and the result was us fighting, and me crying for endless hours. I hate that I have a grudge against my own husband and can't bring myself to let go of it.. I can't stand him anymore.
Hi XOXO,
If possible, try getting away for a while.....maybe a brief change of scenery to help sort out your thoughts.
I know it's easier said than done to get over a grudge, but if you intend on staying married, then harboring a grudge will not allow ANYONE to move forward.
Try to look at it from your husband's perspective. We tend to only think about how we feel. Look at the positive aspects in this unpleasant situation. Are you a regular reader of the threads in the Life and Relationship forum? Because it is sooooooooo depressing to read countless stories of girls with toxic in-laws......and worse still........non-supportive husbands........the kind of husbands that would NEVER dream of standing up for his wife before his parents let alone try to understand her ......the kind that are OBLIVIOUS to the blatant abuse she's going through........the kind of husband with such BLIND OBEDIENCE **that believes mommy and all her crazy notions and superstitions and demands are **ALWAYS 100% CORRECT.
^ At least your husband tried to understand you. And he went BEYOND understanding.......he actually stood up for you before his parents......which is very hard to do. It's so difficult to stand up before the people that have raised you and that you've grown up with. But he did it.....and that's a sign that there is goodness in him.....he has the ability to look at things fairly. Give him credit for that.
About lashing out at you when he CLEARLY knew that his parents were in the wrong...........that's messed up. And there's no excuse for that and you should talk to him calmly about his behavior and how that made you feel. He needs to know that this type of behavior can't be repeated or it has the potential to destroy the relationship. At the same time.......keep in mind.......that you wrote in your thread that "he was in the middle." That shows that you're aware of the tremendous amount of stress he was under.....it's not easy being stuck between two groups of people that you love very much and trying to please them both.......and in the end it's not unnatural for him to lose control in the hopes that one side will be the bigger party and compromise because he's under so much pressure.
Take the good with bad.....give credit for the good.......appreciate the good.......and talk to him calmly about the bad...........because that's the only way to move forward and make your marriage stronger than before. If you don't make mistakes.......you won't try to improve yourself.......and if you don't improve......you won't grow at all. Think about this. We all make mistakes....if we were perfect.....there'd be no scope to better ourselves. Reflect over the times that you have wronged others (knowingly and unknowingly).....you'd want forgiveness right? And if we desire forgiveness from Allah and others.....then we're advised to be forgiving of those who have hurt us.
So, take a break to clear your head.
Think about the positive aspects of your husband/marriage/conflict (it's way too easy to get caught up in the negative)
And then talk to husband about how his behavior made you feel as calmly and non-defensively as possible.