I’m currently going through a dilemma & figured that this part of the forum would be most helpful with my problem.
My fiance and I are in our first year of med school in the states. We’re trying to figure out a date that would work for our wedding.
We had figured that summer of 2015 would work best since We take our boards next June (god willing) and start hospital rotations at the end of July. That gives us around a month b/w boards and rotations. Small problem, though. Ramadan is June 17-July 17 which is basically our entire summer break that’ll be left. So now we’re not sure that would work.
Any ideas? Any physicians/med students that have suggestions? We would prefer to be married before we started rotations because we don’t want to wait until after we graduate. This is starting to stress me out.
Why do you need a whole month to get married? I got married on a long weekend, I was at work till Thursday, my mehndi was on Saturday, shadi on Sunday, we were back home on Monday. Oh and I was back on work on Tuesday.
And no I am not a doctor. But my husband and I did not want the unnecessary wait, we wanted to move on with our lives so we went with a long weekend.
I agree with Lusi. You just need a few days to get married. I went to Pak 10 days before my wedding. Got married and moved on with life fairly quickly. Planning and preps for the wedding resumed on and off for a couple of months before the wedding but I never needed to take time off for it though.
The worst thing you can do is have a wedding around boards time. All the girls that I know of who did that, had to retake them. Don't underestimate it; taking step 1 and 2 is seriously an awful time period and the drama/excitement leading up to the wedding gets in the way. Get married on Labor Day weekend.
The worst thing you can do is have a wedding around boards time. All the girls that I know of who did that, had to retake them. Don't underestimate it; taking step 1 and 2 is seriously an awful time period and the drama/excitement leading up to the wedding gets in the way. Get married on Labor Day weekend.
Yep, this is my concern too. Especially since I'm a control freak and would want to be involved in the planning. The only thing is that my boards would be early June and because of ramadan, the wedding wouldn't be until mid-late July. so I could focus on boards and not worry about anything (let our families handle most of it) until after boards. That'll still give me a solid month to tie up loose ends.
I think the reason I'm kind of sad / looking for an alternative is that the way it's looking now--there'd be no dholkis, probably no mayoun. Just straight mehndi, shaadi, and the walima (which would most likely have to be sometime later because of dates). The biggest issue is that my parents and his parents live on opposite sides of the country and neither one of us is in close proximity to them. So everyone would have to fly to one location, regardless. This is posing a problem for the walima. Since we'd have one real weekend after Eid to have the wedding stuff and it's not feasible for everyone to fly out the day after the wedding and have the walima at night.
I hadn't heard of people doing such quick weddings; maybe its something that doesn't happen in my community. I'm used to attending 4-5 dholkis, a mayoun a 4-5 days before the mehndi, a mehndi, shaadi, and then a walima the week after.
^^ sometimes you have to give and take and to be honest countless dholkis are a waste. Go for a long weekend. And surely you can squeeze in dholkis at home.?! If you know ur situation is not going to have to allow for endless dAys of celebration then youl have to compromise somewhere. I had a dholki planned it snowed heavily in my wedding week and i had to cancel as i didnt think it was fair to put everyone in a marquee in the cold. I was upset but got over it!
^^ sometimes you have to give and take and to be honest countless dholkis are a waste. Go for a long weekend. And surely you can squeeze in dholkis at home.?! If you know ur situation is not going to have to allow for endless dAys of celebration then youl have to compromise somewhere. I had a dholki planned it snowed heavily in my wedding week and i had to cancel as i didnt think it was fair to put everyone in a marquee in the cold. I was upset but got over it!
If I could even squeeze on dholki at home, I'd be completely content. But we both live cross country so it'd be impossible financially/timewise to fly out for a dholki for just a weekend. But you're right. I am trying to get myself to just compromise.
You mentioned that the mayoun is posing a bit of problem. Have you considered doing a joint function? A friend of mine had both on the same day (the mayoun earlier in the day and the mehndi in the evening) and it turned out rather nicely. I only attended the mehndi part in the evening but by all accounts the mayoun was quite nice as well. She said the only downside of having both functions on the same day is that it makes for a rather long day and was quite tiring.
You mentioned that the mayoun is posing a bit of problem. Have you considered doing a joint function? A friend of mine had both on the same day (the mayoun earlier in the day and the mehndi in the evening) and it turned out rather nicely. I only attended the mehndi part in the evening but by all accounts the mayoun was quite nice as well. She said the only downside of having both functions on the same day is that it makes for a rather long day and was quite tiring.
That's interesting. How would that work? I don't know the difference, entirely, tbh so not sure how that would play out.
Only other issue with that is that Eid is most likely going to be on that day (or the day after...or before...) so that might mean that the mayoun would just be immediate family and super close close people that would be okay with spending their Eid doing that instead.
^I only attended the mehndi part in the evening, so I’m not really sure how that would work. I’m also unfamiliar with the difference between a mayoun and the mehndi as we don’t have a mayoun in my culture.
From my understanding though, it seems to vary according to people’s family traditions. Some posters explained it to me a bit in this thread about mehndis, here:
So I'm reviving this thread because we were looking at few other dates in that span of 2 weeks and I wanted to see what others thought.
Right now, since Eid is gonna be either 18/19th in July 2015 (which is Sat/Sunday), that kinda nixed that weekend.
What we were thinking of doing is having the mayoun on the 19th (boys side wont be there but I don't think they have to be for the mayoun...unless I'm wrong) and then waiting till the week after to start the wedding.
Either have the nikkah/mehndi on the thursday and the wedding on friday and we fly out to our rotations on saturday evening
or do the nikkah/mehndi on friday and wedding saturday and fly to rotations on sunday morning...and start rotations on monday...
obviously, I like the thursday idea better but I don't know how feasible it is for people out of town/out of state that are working. They'd have to take Thursday/Friday off work...and since I haven't really had a job because I've been a foreverstudent thanks to Med school, I don't really know how feasible it is.
What do you guys think?
We'd have to do the nikkah in the morning at the masjid and then we'd change and go to the mehndi at night.
Not ideal...but I'm trying to focus on the big picture here.
Why don't you do the nikkah at the mehendi? That's how my brother did it. He was on stage, she was in a separate room and made her entrance after the qubool hai's and then we did the mehendi rasms.
And you're right- mayyouns are usually held separately for the groom and the bride and attended by close family members only. It's just some mithai, some songs, some ubtan anyway- it's not a huge deal.
As for people taking time off work, yes, Thursday and Friday both might be an issue so I would go with the Friday to sunday option.
Why don't you do the nikkah at the mehendi? That's how my brother did it. He was on stage, she was in a separate room and made her entrance after the qubool hai's and then we did the mehendi rasms.
And you're right- mayyouns are usually held separately for the groom and the bride and attended by close family members only. It's just some mithai, some songs, some ubtan anyway- it's not a huge deal.
As for people taking time off work, yes, Thursday and Friday both might be an issue so I would go with the Friday to sunday option.
The nikkah at the mehndi was an offer on the table but both sets of parents wanted to do a nikkah at the masjid so we were thinking we'd do something really small in the afternoon with just close friends and family (like after dhuhr) and then a light lunch or something. Go and get ready for the mehndi which would be around 7. Initially I was completely against it but I'm 99% sure I'm hiring a wedding planner / day-of coordinator and she told me not to worry about it (a friend of mine also works for her so I trust them) and she'll handle everything for the mehndi.
Hmm yeah I'd rather inconvenience myself than everyone else coming so I think that's what we'll have to do. I just keep hearing about how completely exhausted everyone is after the wedding so thinking about starting rotatoins at 8am Monday morning is frightening. But oh well. Guess you have to do what you have to do.
If I could even squeeze on dholki at home, I'd be completely content. But we both live cross country so it'd be impossible financially/timewise to fly out for a dholki for just a weekend. But you're right. I am trying to get myself to just compromise.
Dholkis and mayun usually don't include both sides. They're traditionally just for one side, so if you do it that way, you don't need to do any flying.
Also, why are you separating the nikkah from the ruksati function? Is it because of the masjid? Then would your families be interested in doing a joint reception? That will help ease some of the pressure for dates and expenses.
Also, why are you separating the nikkah from the ruksati function? Is it because of the masjid? Then would your families be interested in doing a joint reception? That will help ease some of the pressure for dates and expenses.
Yeah because of the masjid. I WISH we could do a joint reception, I'd 100% jump on that. But because his family doesn't live here and they have an extensive social circle back home, they wanna do the walima where everyone from their side can come. Unfortunately, that won't be the case with the wedding since flying out and other logistics are gonna make it so that very few people from their side can come to the wedding.