Please forgive me about ma grammar am so use to writing in tex speak
Am more of a reader then a poster, but love some of the advice that you guys giv
so here is what’s bin bothering me for a while, ile start from the top I was with a guy for over a year this was a couple of years back when I was in college we got introduced by a really good friend of mine and his, things were going good until i heard aload of things about him that really hurt me, anyway i confronted him about this and he completely denied everything but had that guilty look on his face. anyway i backed off abit because wanted to concentrate on my studies and finally after hearing more about him i ended things which went really bad because he spread a lot of lies about me to some of my close friend he kept ringing and texing me. once he even stood outside my house 4 an hour kept ringing wanting to talk finally he gave up and i changed my mobile number. Recently he met one of my friends who introduced us and he asked about me what i was doing now a days, they got talking and he asked 4 my number my friend gave it and later that day my friend rang me and told me that she gave it which really annoyed me but it was already done,for the past 2 weeks hes bin texing me non stop now am not interested at all and I’ve even told him that but he keeps saying “am really sorry that i hurt you but can we still be friends” now i don’t know what 2 do
can an ex really be friends?
do i forgive and forget?
or do i change my number again ?
really need some advice
thank you in advance
You say that you are not interested in your ex at all, but you still respond to this calls (so you're partly to blame for your predicament). The reason why he keeps bugging you is because you keep receiving his calls and he might perceive this as an "opening" or "hope." If you simply stop responding to him (not picking up the phone or responding to emails) that would send out a much stronger message and after a while he'll give up and move on. Maybe not right away but eventually he will.
From your post, it seems like you're not even interested in having him in your life as a friend. And there's nothing wrong with that. If someone has broken your trust repeatedly, then I'd suggest keeping far away from that person. PITY should NEVER be a reason to let someone back into your life. And the fact that you are asking "what should I do?" almost suggests that you're having double thoughts and might even contemplating letting him back in.
Maybe he wants to befriend you because he thinks that he might be able to turn that friendship into something more. *He didn't care enough about you as a friend when he hurt you the first time, and he didn't care about you enough when he lied to you about whatever it is he was doing behind your back. He didn't care enough about you when he continued to do things that hurt you. And he certainly didn't care about you when he tried to ruin your reputation by spreading lies about you. Not only is that a low thing to do, it also shows that he has a vindictive nature. And who knows? If you let him in your life even as a friend...and things go sour again....he might try to ruin your reputation a second time. * Why put yourself through this mess again? He doesn't understand what friendship is, it's funny that he's even asking to be friends.
Also, I think that feelings are very complicated because you can't switch them off like a light switch.....there is always a chance that they can be rekindled with a bit of interaction with someone you once had a relationship with. Happy memories can come flooding back along with feelings you once had and then you just risk opening yourself to heartache again. Heartache, that not only you might have to move on from again, but can also prevent you from moving on to better people and opportunities.
So, think about it. He's your ex for a reason. While it's possible that people CAN change, keep in mind that change doesn't come easy and bad habits die hard. As the saying goes, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." And it seems you've been fooled more than once.