can you live in such a situation?

[jaanaan]

Re: can you live in such a situation?

@redvelvet

She needs someone to sit down and talk to her…like REALLY take the time out to talk to her, not only about the red flags in her fiance, but also about WHY she wants to marry him and her expectations of marriage/life.

you’d think we have not already exhausted all those options. as i have earlier stated, anyone who has wished her well has dissuaded her from this guy. but she being in blind love has never listened to anyone.

If her family has no clue about the way he treats her, they need to know.

I dont think her family knows about all this. all this information is coming from friends. she does not tell it to anyone directly. she never opens up. its through indirect ways that all this came to be known. for example, she went out with her women friends and then asked all of them to never mention it in front of that guy because then “he gets angry”. or once my wife was trying to call her at night and she wont pick up. so my wife messaged her if she was asleep and she replied that she was awake but she was not allowed to have her phone engaged after 9PM.

I wonder what’s brought about the sudden attitude change in him. Maybe he’s a consistent jerk to others around him…and it was only a matter of time before she encountered that ugly side of his for herself?

I think he has been a jerk all the time. its just that when she lost her attraction to him did he start showing his real self. the woman still believes she can change him.

Or perhaps deep down he’s not too keen on marrying her…and rather than breakup with her…he’s behaving like a prick, so that she’ll be the first to end the engagement?

he had never been too keen on getting married to her in the last couple of years. he had told one of their mutual friends that he will not take a stand for her if her family refuses him for the final time. She was too keen on marrying him. its not like she never had a chance with someone else. she had got good rishtas, including that of a young test cricketer at that time.

If she’s complaining about the things he does that are not apparent to others…then clearly she’s not happy with him. What this girl really needs is to discuss the matter with someone…even if the topic is initiated by another person (friend/relo, etc)…she needs to sort out her feelings/thoughts. Whether or not the members on GS would remain in an abusive relationship or leave… will not have any bearing on her life. If you’re that concerned about her, Jaanaan, try talking to your wife and figuring out a way to help/guide her.

she does not complain. she has this problem of keeping most things to herself. my wife says that its her habit she seldom lets her feeling out. but the tension shows on her face when she is going through something like that.
I asked her what she liked in the guy. and that question was an unexpected for her. she immediately did not reply. and after thinking for some time said " he is caring". I said " no he is not". he was a bit good looking ( now he is a fat) at the time she started liking him. i think that crush has not faded till now. and my own analysis is after marriage when they have had sex, she will realize that good looks do not matter as much. and when her efforts fail completely to transform him, then she will start regretting it.
or maybe not. maybe she just likes to be in continuos mental torture. who knows?