Can some1 Help vid this ?

Society Religion & Philosophy
21

Originally posted by ammarr: *
**Fraudia yes. In all situations they should work to find a way which suits everyone.*

** I didn't like her being called an idiot based on one story you heard from someone.. **

you heard the same story from someone and by your perspective she was not an idiot, by mine she was, because she could have handled it much differently.

The fact that she could have handled it in a diff way which was not so rough on the kid, but she chose not to do that makes her an idiot in my book. She presneted 2 extreme options to him, i.e. you stay out or I stay out, wheread she could have just chosen to ask him to stay out of the area she was in, or could have decided to retire to her quarters.

*maybe it happened once and not again, and they were quick to chalk out a solution. *

yes, "maybe" it only happened that one time. you dont know that, and I dont know that. But based on the original post we do know that it did happen one time. In my view the way she handled it that one time was incorrect. She had other ways to handle this.

Additionally, I am a bit surprised that this issue had not been discussed, talked about, and a stanard operating procedure thought out and agreed upon.

tell me, if you were the guy who was married, would you not chalk out a solution before you got married? It seems a bit strange that it appears that teh family did not really have a planned approach to handle such situations and ran into a problem..a fairly basic one at that.

I have a cousin who follows the same approach, but he planned out the entire approach with his family on how to deal with such things before he got married. His mother, sister and younger brother were living with him when he got married.

Although the lady in question did cause some ruckus at the wedding when she did not allow the photographers from the groom's side (professional, as well as (na-mehram) cousins/brothers of the groom, yet had the photographer and cousins (na-mehram) of her side take the pics. That is what I consider selective application of rulings, and due to that I considered her an idiot as well :) but then thats a diff story. I am just glad that I was not at that mess of a wedding.

22

yea you tell em Fraudia :k:

23

As many others have pointed out here, the lady had a point. At age 13, the boys are usually past puberty. Since the lady and her husband obviously feel very strongly about this issue, so to avoid these problems in future, they should develop some systems, like Fraudia suggested, so they have some kind of separate sections for ladies and gents.

This way, "men" living in the same house are not inconvenienced or forced to sit outside, just as "ladies" don't have to worry about this issue either.

24

Fraudia Sahib - no need to get apologetic, your original post was spot on. Idiotic is about the right description. When people stop using their brains then this is the kind of nonsense debate you get into.

All those who refuse to be in the lone company as their brother's / sisters spouse obviously can't trust their own sexual desires and would find the situation far too tempting to resist. Probably better in that case they keep themselves locked up rather then insist others do so.

25

Fraudia, we all mess up in doing the right thing at times. The lady did the right thing.. she could just have done it in a better way. If you must condemn someone, condemn those who dont even give islam a try and as such the concept of avoiding the free mixing has disappeared, because otherwise this only points to your hypocrisy i.e. you are quick to jump down the throat of someone who made a little mess while doing the right thing, and at the same time unable to applaud their effort or even condemn those that do otherwise.

Yes selective application is stupid such as the example you gave about that 'mess of a marriage'.

26

Give the lady a break. Its her house let her do what ever she wants to. You might htink its bit too much but its her way she is not forcing anyone else to do same.

27

Originally posted by ammarr: *
**Fraudia, we all mess up in doing the right thing at times. *

so in other words..we are not right..because we messed up...you can do the right thing the right way and you can do the right thing the wrong way..you can not then justify the "wrong approach" by saying that what the person wanted to do was right. Sure.. there is no disagreement on that topic, but the wrong approach has impact on others around us..and it is her approach to this situation which is wrong.

And its not just her approach, as I stated, the family should have planned out how to deal with this..and formulated a standard operating procedure.

*The lady did the right thing.. she could just have done it in a better way. *

She chose not to use the better option, that was bad judgement on her part.

she did the wrong thing, she made the kid wait outside, right thing would have been to ask him to stay in his quarters ro to seclude herself in her quarters..and that is not by my standards that is based on the rules she is following.

If you must condemn someone, condemn those who dont even give islam a try and as such the concept of avoiding the free mixing has disappeared, because otherwise this only points to your hypocrisy i.e. you are quick to jump down the throat of someone who made a little mess while doing the right thing, and at the same time unable to applaud their effort or even condemn those that do otherwise.

you mean take the thread on a tangent? sorry, if that was the topic at hand I would have added my two paisa on that as well, but there is no reason to go off on tangents when we are discussing a specific topic and a specific situation.

That would take this thread off the topic that she could have handled this in a better manner. Hopefully someone else in this situation would read and understand that they could have other approaches, and others like maddie can plan out some standard procedures to avoid such situations.

*Yes selective application is stupid such as the example you gave about that 'mess of a marriage'. *

baita.. #1 I said "mess of a wedding" which is quite different than "mess of a marriage" which it was because of selective application of some principles.

2)there is no selective application, I am just not going around in circles and on tangents. start a topic or post something on a situation where someone is not doing what they are supposed to do, and I will post on that topic there.

28

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Wise One: *
Give the lady a break. Its her house let her do what ever she wants to. You might htink its bit too much but its her way she is not forcing anyone else to do same.
[/QUOTE]

from what it appears, its not just her house, its the house of others as well. In doing what she did, she did force someone to do the same i.e. her 13 yr old bro in law. She did not need to, she could have observed the principles she has, and not let the kid just sit outside.

had it been her own home, it would be a moot point. she could do what she wants, it may have looked bad or impolite, but it would be her place her business.

she has some rights, so does her bro in law, they both live there. She chose the option that was the extreme option, so either she did not have enough knowledge, in which case she should be told that her extreme solution is not the only solution, or she knew other options but chose not to use them, and in which case she was wrong because she knowingly did not choose the option which would not make her bro in law wait outside.

29

^ Sir you explained it well.

I want to add just that If you present your self as a role model (which the lady and her husband are hopelessly trying as being member of hizbu tahir ). Then you need to attract people through your good gestures and ettiquettes. She has done just the opposite.

The more important aspect, her brother in law is very close relative. You just cant leave close relatives. He will be uncle (chacha) of her children and may be in some time of her life she require his support (moral or financial).

Nobody is suggesting her not to observe purdah or anything, but why the hell chosing the stupid extreme options.