Can ineqaulity effect a relationship

Lifestyle Relationships
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Evening all.

I bring to you my topic of discussion for this month and inshallah I will continue to do so on a monthly basis.

This month’s topic is inequality (unequal), can it and should it effect a relationship/marriage.

The above topic was recently discussed among friends over lunch at work recently… for which I would like the community of gupshup to express the opinions and views on.

Now you would all agree with me that the woman of today is more ambitious of lets say a decade or two ago and that women have moved away from just marriage and motherhood as their primary goals.

The culture/society of today and yesteryear have the notion that it’s a husband’s duty to bring home the bread and that the husband’s role in a relationship is to be the provider, now believe me I just like many desi people have had this drilled inside our heads from a young age, but do we ever give much thought to gender roles in the world we live in today.

I ask, what if among today’s two career couples, the wife out-earns her husband, do u think the husband would feel ashamed, insecure or have low self-esteem that he is earning less than his spouse or offer support and congratulations to his wife’s success, i hope you all agree with me that it should be the latter.

For those who like me live in a western country, would agree men of today want to marry a woman who is ambitious and strong-minded, but also have the qualities we all wish for in a wife…well I certainly do. :smiley:

Are we seeing changes …if any that the husband’s role of being the dominant figure financially and in every other way changing for the better …your views on this matter would be appreciated.

I personally feel there should be a common ground for which both partners have equal standing, be it with income, tasks within the home and in the relationship…and of course it doesn’t hurt that both extended families be supportive.

For husbands out there, would your wife’s success reflect resentment within that you are a failure if she was doing better than you?

Surely a wife’s achievements including his own can only add to a fulfilling relationship.

The End.

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Re: Can ineqaulity effect a relationship

I agree that today women are more career-minded then say a few decades back. I think this issue can affect the couple's relationship, if they let it. And i believe that even though a man can be very happy for his wife for being successful in her career (even when she makes more than he does), that inside he may feel like he is not a good provider and therefore it may hurt his confidence a bit. But like with all issues in a relationship between a couple, open communication is key. If u tell each other how u feel about things bothering u, then they can usually be sorted out...but it's shudn't be done in a heated argument. If u both understand each other well, then respecting each others needs and choices shudn't become a big issue.

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Re: Can ineqaulity effect a relationship

I think that even these days, some men in the west would feel insecure if their spouse would make more money than them. I know someone very close to me who had a lot of trouble in her marriage because of this. In the end she had to compromise by leaving her job in order to save her marriage.

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Re: Can ineqaulity effect a relationship

^ She probably did the rite thing.

P.S: I like ur signature :)

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Re: Can ineqaulity effect a relationship

yea she did, but its unfair
thanx, i love it too :)

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Re: Can ineqaulity effect a relationship

True, sometimes compromising isn't fair but u have to do wot helps the situation.

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Re: Can ineqaulity effect a relationship

:)

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Re: Can ineqaulity effect a relationship

Well I think that this is a great topic that you brought up since alot of couples do face this problem. Seriously I guess I may be a bit conservative but no matter how liberal or open minded you get, the head of the house is always gonna be the husband. Some things are just meant to be as such and if roles were reversed it would be a bit difficult. I'm not saying that the wife can't be making more money than the husband.. thats fine but she shouldn't try to act like the head of the house just because she has a greater income than her husbands'. The husband should feel proud rather than ashamed or insecure since his wife is capable to handle and take care of herself and God forbid anything happens to him, she would be able to live independently.. unlike most Pakistani wives. Although the trend in the newer generations is definitely changing its views to more open and liberal ways of life. You can judge if its a good or bad thing :)

Oh and I do hope that you find yourself a wife with all those qualities and much more :D

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Re: Can ineqaulity effect a relationship

i agree with u sayonee

Because [merged]
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Re: Can ineqaulity effect a relationship

I don't feel that bringing home a paycheck makes one partner more important than the other. Inequality is a very subjective thing. I feel bad for my husband that he works so hard and he does it for us. That's a kind of slavery isn't it? I'm the one that runs the household and manages our life. He's breaking his back for his family and I'm trying to do my part also.

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Re: Can ineqaulity effect a relationship

this is an appaling response, from 120+ viewers just a handful had the courtesy to reply… :mad:

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Re: Can ineqaulity effect a relationship

What about women? Is that why a lot of women can get insecure…because they’re sitting at home and dependent upon their husbands? :aha:

I can speak for myself. The idea of me having something to do with my life, and me earning some of my own money, and me being able to go out and buy some nice jewelry or shoes or clothes for myself without feeling guilty that I’m taking away from my husband’s hard-earned income is VERY important.

Just like a guy might feel insecure that he’s not contributing as much to the family moneywise, I would feel insecure that I have to keep asking the hubby for things I want. And yes, even things I need.

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Re: Can ineqaulity effect a relationship

Yes inequality can effect a relationship! When our religion has given both equal rights, they should be used. Men think themselves as superior, and if not then it is the mother in law who degrades the young wife of her son and teaches her that he is superior and that women have no rights and if any, they must not be used coz the husbands feelings are hurt.

Earning... thats another issue. Men do feel ashamed, not more than his parents when a woman brings home more money than his wife. They start to feel insecure. As they consider themselves the sole breadearner + his responisibilty, they often take away the womans money saying that it is theirs coz the woman would be no where witout him... bla bla.

This is true as some ppl that i know have gone through this.

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Re: Can ineqaulity effect a relationship

If my hubby would ever do that to me, i'd beat him up.

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Re: Can ineqaulity effect a relationship

same here :hehe:

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Re: Can ineqaulity effect a relationship

i don't think a woman would mind her hubby having low wages then hers.

rather women mind their hubbys being inefficient n clumsy in helping them out or making a loooooong story for their better earnings.

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Re: Can ineqaulity effect a relationship

I think it *can and it does *effect the relationship cuz its natural. A husband might find it shameful that he doesnt earn more than his wife. It may bring chaos in the family. I think if husband and wife are open to each other and they communicate their feelings to each other then its easy to find a solution when some problem occurs because of the inequality. A woman shouldnt make a big deal if she earns more cuz this is where problems start. If she makes him realize on every step that she is earning more and that she is doing better than her husband then he might feel insecure and might start taking his stress out on her by fighting or by messing with her on little things. A husband on the other hand should be proud of his wife that she is capable of making a good living so if god forbid something happens in future that she has to earn, she can take of herself. It takes efforts from both sides to turn the insecurity to security. I perosnally think that if making peace at home takes giving up ur career, u must give it up. I dont see any problem in doing that cuz to me family comes first.

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Re: Can ineqaulity effect a relationship

^^ Maybe this is a wrong forum to ask when not a lot here are married except some people who just like to :bukbuk:

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Re: Can ineqaulity effect a relationship

^ He didn't just say married ppl, he said inequality in a relationship/marriage.

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Re: Can ineqaulity effect a relationship

So what kind of relationship is there other than marriage between a guy and a girl :confused:

Also look at what she is talking about in her post (goes on to dwell about husband and wifes.. :halo: ).