so there was this one thing that really bothered me this weekend. I visited my bro & sis-in-law in seattle… they have a cutttte 5 month old kid (look for him in Image Gallery)
anyway, my bro was telling me that one of my sis-in-law’s cousins who is divorced for a long time now asked her if she could adopt the baby she was like, you can always have more kids, but i can’t, and i’d love him like he was my own son. family members advised her that she can adopt any child she likes, and not to be so ziddi, but she wants this baby, because he is part of the family. she is being really adamant about it. my sis-in-law is a sweetheart, and although she refused, she still talks so kindly of her cousin. i think it’s really admirable the way she handled the situation, but the whole thing really freaked me out.
HOW could she ask my bhabhi to hand over her first-born son to her??? i mean, i love him to bits, but i could never be so presumptuous as all that.
especially since the lady is a very controlling type of person, and quite moody. i can’t imagine if she had gotten her way, i’d prolly never get to see the baby, ever.
anyways, i feel bad for the situation her cousin finds herself in, but i feel so upset that she is looking at my nephew with a “covetous” eye
I know of two cases where a child was adopted from a family member, both couples could not have babies, and both adopted from their elder brothers household and both of the two babies that were adopted were females one family gave up their 6th duaghter to the younger brother after repeated attempts to have a boy child, but the other family it was their second female child and the mother was forced to do it as the whole family was turning against her. I just don’t understand how one can expect to separate themselves from their child it can be so hard on the mother.
That actually happened in my family, once. One of my mum's cousins (the youngest from a family that already had about 4 children) got "given" to the girl's mother's childless sister and her husband, and the couple raised the baby as their own daughter.
Apparently, however, when the child grew up and became an adult and discovered the truth, it cause her a massive amount of emotional trauma.
this cousin of my bhabhi's... she had an abusive husband, and he used to beat her apparently. my bhabhi always says that this lady has been very courageous to get out of it and be successful in her career, but she is very lonely. all that is understandable, fine.. but it doesn't mean you can take liberties and make such extraordinary demands.
the trouble is, my bhabhi is so nice that she cannot imagine evil in another person. and i do sense a vengeful nature in her cousin... she tries to manipulate and control everyone. how can you give any baby to such a person.
imagine feeling that you were dispensible enough to be given away to someone else...
I'm not sure if I would give up a child to a single mother...especially hearing what youv'e said about her personality.
However, from the friends i know who've adopted and the ones who are childless..i certainly don't think they see the children as dispensable...it's a gift someone can give to someone else...
For families with many children and limited funds..or even families that have the funds but know that their relative is childless..it's a gift.
i know an aunty who's husband is a plastic surgeon..she gave a son to her brother..later the brother and his wife had their own child BUT the son stayed with them and the child knew that his aunty was his mom..but his parents were his parents still.
^ hmm, i see what you mean by "gift". but amelie, i think you'd have to really really noble to make such a sacrifice. i know i could never do it.
even if it was my 11th child, i wouldn't want him or her to feel that she was gifted away because (s)he was less special than my first born.
if the family is in a situation where they cannot support the child, it's perhaps understandable. but otherwise i think it would be pretty traumatic for the child.
this reminds me of a story my mom once told me. it seems that when i was a year old, my mom gave me to my grandmother because she needed to prepare for a very difficult exam. i cried when i had to leave her... and when my grandmother brought me back after 2 months, i was so upset that i wouldn't take food from my mom for months. my dad had to feed me... so i think that some children do feel a sense of betrayal when they are "given" away.
i still remember when i was a child my mother had to have a major operation,
i had to stay with my moms older sister for a couple of months
i hated it, my aunty was a nice person and she didnt have any kids but still i hated her for being there instead of my mother,
if i had stayed for a longer time i think it would have had a bad effect on me, and i feel for any child that has been given to someone else,
it just isnt right
My cousin and her husband "gave" their fourth child (a daughter) to her childless sis-in-law after repetitively refusing the first three children. My cousin rele didn't want to but her husband was adamant about it and she gave in.
The second case is the neighboring aunty...she had three daughters, the middle one was "given" to her brother and sis-in-law in Pakistan...soon after the family moved to America and the middle daughter remained in Pak...everything was fine until her brothers family came to visit them in USA, the girl was told all and she decided she wanted to stay in America and stay she did...but she never rele fit in with the family...she was used to being spoiled and over here the aunty made her work and well the short of it is that she decided to go back to Pakistan in the end.
Personally, I could never get enough courage to do such a thing, it would feel like giving a part of yourself away to someone else...and I think I could never entrust neone else with the care of something so precious
i soooo agree with that. if you have to stay away from your family for whatever reason, it might make you more independent and all that, but it also creates an insecurity within you… you become kinda unsure of your sense of belonging. do i make any sense
larki_punjaban: based on my own experience, i know i could never bear to be separated from my kids (when i do have them).
i was watching an interesting program the other day. Two mothers who had just given birth were sharing a room. Somehow, the hospital staff mixed up their baby boys, and each went to her home with the other lady’s baby. Two years later, they found out what happened… Everyone advised them to exchange the babies, but each mother opted to keep the baby she had gone home with, rather than return their kids to each other. They also moved so that they would be neighbors, and both families could raise both boys.
what would you do? would you want to exchange the kids and bring home the one you gave birth to, or would you opt for the resolution they came up with?
i soooo agree with that. if you have to stay away from your family for whatever reason, it might make you more independent and all that, but it also creates an insecurity within you... you become kinda unsure of your sense of belonging.
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I have a close Indian friend whom lived a few houses down from his own house. His parents made him stay with his grandparents for a few years to help them out I guess, eventhough his grans had a son of their own in the house. He would go back and forth from his home to grandparents home. I think it left a scar on him because he suffers from what I think is a great deal of insecurity, and perhaps that situation was a catalyst, among other things. I've noticed he gets very attached to certain people and has an unrealistic fear they might leave him. It's sad to see that.
she was like, you can always have more kids, but i can’t, and i’d love him like he was my own son. family members advised her that she can adopt any child she likes, and not to be so ziddi, but she wants this baby, because he is part of the family. she is being really adamant about it. my sis-in-law is a sweetheart, and although she refused, she still talks so kindly of her cousin. i think it’s really admirable the way she handled the situation, but the whole thing really freaked me out.
i mean, i love him to bits, but i could never be so presumptuous as all that.
