So here I am seriously considering a prospect (obviously arranged thru parents), and I happen to discuss it with a very good friend who happens to be a guy, but for some reason I get the feeling that he isnt giving me sincere advice…!
Could it be cuz he might be jealous, or is it just that guys dont like it when their female friends are getting ready to get married and its obviously not them that they are thinking of as potentials u know what i mean… ?
Every time the issue comes up he starts criticising the standard desi way that girls try to get to know guys who’ve been introduced by parents etc… and how that entire system is flawed and has got to change etc..etc… and that I must really not do it this way and try to find someone on my own cuz if Im talking to a guy who knowz he is a prospect for me then obviously hez only at his best behavior with me and I will never get to see his negative qualities in this type of setting etc…etc…
And now after our discussion im so discouraged and depressed and I feel like I shouldnt be looking for a partner in this way.
Re: can a girl trust a male friend to give honest marriage advice?
u just have different opinions on the issue.. i have a desi guy friend who doesnt have faith in the whole arranged marriage routine.... i do... he talks like that cuz of how he was brought up and his experiences in life... i have diff exp in life and arranged marriages... just be strong in what u believe in and have faith in ure own self and capabilities. :)
it does not matter how u find that significant other (love, newspaper, family friend etc), the reasearch and time u invest in trying to get to know them is exactly the same (unless u blindly say yes to anyone ure parents intro u to without even talking to them)..
so dont worry... if ure comfy with finding a spouse in an arranged way, so be it!
Re: can a girl trust a male friend to give honest marriage advice?
I have gotten some good advice about rishtas from my male friends. Like Muzna said, in my personal opinion, male friends will give you honest advice unless they want to the in the prospective cateagory. Good luck :)
Re: can a girl trust a male friend to give honest marriage advice?
as far as male friends goes -I agree with Muzna and Ira on it.
meea - you have to get married but it should be by your own choice. I also feel one should marry someone who they have feelings for. After shadi you HAVE to fall in love with your husband. There is a condition in this love - i feel love with condition can never really compelete someone totally.
I would feel horrible if mine was to go arrange and one day down the line there is a feeling some where in my heart ------what if i would have gotten married with someone that i liked.
Your male friend is right about one thing- The potential guy is going to show you his best side when he is talking to you for now.
Re: can a girl trust a male friend to give honest marriage advice?
I agree with your friend. Make your own mistakes. In fact I give the same advice to every girl...regardless of whether I am a potential or not. There are too many intelligent desi girls out there who are just waiting for things to happen out of the blue. Get real people..move your butt.
However, moving away from the typical arranged marriage path takes a lot more confidence, belief and understanding of yourself. You can always arrange a marriage for yourself. It doesn't have to be bollywood style.
Having said that and knowing the brought up desi girls, I do understand this path is not for everyone. Know yourself before you make your choices.
Re: can a girl trust a male friend to give honest marriage advice?
Yeah its still harder though. I remember when I had to talk about my fiance to my parents(like how i met em, how do i know hes interested, why was i talking to him in the frist place,bla bla bla) it was nerve-wracking! Life would have been so much simpler and easier if my parents had arranged BUT if I could go back in time and had a choice again, I would still go the route that i did. Its sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo worth it at the end. But then again like you said, its not for everyone.
Re: can a girl trust a male friend to give honest marriage advice?
and he has suncceed in pushing his opinion towards you and now has led you to think that the desi way is the wrong way. I agree with him, in arrange marriages you dont get to know the negative side of the partner, but even if u get into a love marriage you dont get to know the negative side of the guy.The first yr of the relationship before marriage is all lovey dovey. Your friend isnt jealous, he just doesnt wana see you get hurt or screwed up by a guy and maybe hes afraid of losing your friendship.
added: no matter how u get married, the desi way, American way or whichever way you choose, there is always gonna be a chance of a marriage to not succeed. It doesnt matter whether its desi or not.
Re: can a girl trust a male friend to give honest marriage advice?
Barfee - Our parents era was a different one.
Over here since like 5 or 6 grade we get to hear from our friends- marry someone that we like. We read romeo & juliet. Our brain have this nail drilled in us at a very young age to fall in love and then get married. Back in those days things were a lot different.
Re: can a girl trust a male friend to give honest marriage advice?
I disagree. That happens only if you let it.
When I was around 11 years old I asked my parents if they had a love marriage or an arranged marriage. When they answered that it was arranged I decided that meant they would want me to have an arranged marriage too, and therefore that I needed to avoid falling in love because that would cause complications.
Re: can a girl trust a male friend to give honest marriage advice?
You will never love someone because you "have to" love them. Either you will love them or you will not.
Those that believe that they will fall in love after marriage are simply going on the premise that having chosen their partner through an arranged system (and this means having endured and exerted several levels of scrutiny), they will eventually end up with someone that will share their hopes, dreams and desires. And thereby they will fall in love.
There is nothing wrong with this theory. You just have to be willing to accept that the "fall in love" part may not happen. You may end up "falling in great respect" or "falling in utmost care" but love may still elude you.
